Can't seem to get ot together
 

Hello all.. Man, I am having the toughest time staying sober. It's the alcohol, after the relapse i just cannot seem to put it down. I was sober for about 22 months, but i was resenting my sobriety because i felt entitled to more stuff.. relationship, money.. you know. Now, It's like i don't have the will because it was so much work and I guess i am worried that I won't have anything to show for it. This probably sounds foolish and whiny.. They told me that it's very hard coming back to the program once you relapse. :c004:

Welcome!!!

That's just your alcoholism defense talking, the same voice that told you it was a good idea to go back out.

Swallow your pride, go back, and try working the steps this time. Here's a thought, if you don't stay sober, you have a pretty excellent chance of not getting those things that you feel are so important.

Work the steps, you may decide that those things aren't so important after all.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

Hello swampy, I noticed your '04 join date so you've been around recovery for awhile. Many people share here about their struggles, and many don't get it the first time, but there's strength in numbers so please continue sharing and looking for support here.

Long-term sobriety is possible, but yeah it's damn hard work. Does anything really worthwhile ever come easy? If I'd come this far and didn't have anything to show for it I'd be pretty upset, but nothing could be further from the truth. The rewards and gifts of recovery come slowly, but there is a payoff for our efforts. For me it's a life that's richer than anything I could've dreamed up. It takes daily work though, and a lifetime commitment to stay clean and sober.

I hope you'll put together a plan that works for you and stay focused on it. Get back to me after 5 years of sobriety and let me know how you're doing, k? :wink:

Hi swampy,

I understand your feelings. It seems like rebuilding doesn't happen fast enough. I noticed that when I drank I got instant gratification - a buzz. Living sober is delayed gratification.

I am constantly asking myself the question, "I sobered up for what?"

The answer, "My chances of rebuilding my life, enjoying loving relationships and financial success are much better sober than if I was trying to do this drunk."

Some here don't like it when I state, "Living sober sucks, but living drunk sucks more." That's just how it is for me. I am honest with myself. I would like to drink, but I know that it wouldn't make my life any better -so I stay sober.

Patience - I believe that it will be worth your effort. Stay involved here at SR, you can glean a lot of good ideas with the support and feedback you get from others.

I wish you success with all aspects of sobriety.

Thanks for the comments... Yeah, I did work the steps. Got to step 10 actually. I just started resenting things more and more. I was comparing myself to others, they seemed happy, had those relationships, new friends, and more. I felt like i was living inside a shell.. Boy, I have got to stop having the pity party for myself.

Even the lamest days I have now blow the doors off the days when I was drinking, because they're actual days -- not ugh/puke/drink/blur/passout/wake/shake/repeat.

Now of course I spent days not so bleak: Friday afternoons blissfully buzzed at happy hours with good buzzed friends. Do I miss them? Of course. I also miss some old girlfriends, college life, san diego, etc. It's less of missing the drink and more being sentimental. But it's the past, and that's OK. Most of those friends are moved and married. It's the past for them too.

Their present is great; so's mine. The reasons are different but the reality is the same: Happy.

Hi Swampy

Some great advice here.

I know I relapsed many times.

I was sober but I felt desperately unhappy with my life and myself - and it turns out the only thing I was really prepared to do to change any of that was pick up a drink.

I learnt the hard way the folly of that.

Once I learned that life is really what I make of it, I started making inroads.

Sounds to me like you're discovering much the same things :)

Good luck, Swampy

D

Excellent advice here, Swampy!

I was very broken down when I finally stopped drinking, and I knew that I had to change so much. I know recovery is hard, but it is so worth the effort. I hope you will find some peace and that you keep reading and posting.

:ghug3 :welcome Glad you're here!

the reality of knowing i can no longer drink is so depressing.. It's like i have to lose my best friend, yet again. This is the absolute worst part, starting over and feeling like drinking so bad.... But, I will not..

Hi Swampy! I was just coming in to say that I hope that you do what you have to do in order to just be you. I have nothing of much to offer. I am taking baby steps this time. I now have almost 1 month off of meth, coke, alcohol...but still smoking a little pot. Being honest with everyone including my drug and alcohol counselor, the rooms, just knowing that there is hope..is enough for me to keep trying. I know how hard it is..I had over two years before I went back out. Just keep coming around. Glad to see ya:lala

Oh, Swampy, I know that feeling. Is life worth living without alcohol? I wrote that in my very first post on this forum. You're in a tough place, I've been there and I actually do know how you feel.

But listen, I haven't read all your posts, so I don't know you, or if you've done the programme of AA; I suspect you've been in and around AA, but not wholeheartedly surrendered to the programme.

All I can say is that it works, and you can have a happy life without the mental obsession.

Mrak posted, "I understand your feelings. It seems like rebuilding doesn't happen fast enough. I noticed that when I drank I got instant gratification - a buzz. Living sober is delayed gratification."
I totally agree, I want it and I want it now..
"Can't always get what you want..." Rolling Stones. :danse1b: :ValA004:
Stay strong.

Hi tallcactus,

I added some extra lyrics to the Stone's song:

"You can't always get what you want,,,
But if you try sometimes, you just might find,
You get what you need,,,"

And you don't always get what you need,
But you always get what you get,
It all depends on what you do with it.....

M.