JFT7

This may sound like a whine...however, I have recently been on the recieving end of a gang dig-out by members of the opposite sex in my home group. I have engaged in pointless arguments, owned my part and then nothing back...I actually walked in on a person in full flow of taking my inventory before a conscience (they have previously done this to other same sex members) and denied it...making up pathetic excuses for not owning anything...these people are supposedly multiple years clean...one of them does this in one fellowship, then goes to another to gossip!
In my frustration and application of my own program I own it, its easier and I can't save face/arse at the same time...has anyone else experienced this??? The end result is I don't feel welcome in a meeting I've done service at for year...

nelco

some are sicker than other. dont get involved.
gossip is a big no no for me.
stick with the winners.....the group surely is not full of people who gossip. best to work your steps and hang out with one or two strong members who work their program. your Hp will lead you.... and you will have learned a lot about tolerance, patience, people pleasing etc

If it is and its unlikely......then its time to change groups because thats not what recovery is about.

Saphie

I fully agree with Nelco.
Unfortunately people will be people. Good ones/bad ones. Gossip is one of the worst human characteristics in my opinion anyway. It can be harmless, but most of the time it is very hurtful. Maybe the people in your group have forgotten how much was given to them when they needed it and how badly we need the support from others.
Look into finding a better group if things don't change.

Anna

I was very, very careful about who I spent time with, in early recovery. I was fragile and I knew that there were toxic people in my life and I had to get rid of them. What I didn't know was, by getting rid of the toxic people, I opened myself up to nurtiring people to come into my life.

Gemmie

I was very naive when I first came into the program. When I heard this was an honest program, I believed everyone was honest...lol. Sadly I now know thats not the case. Theres is good and bad every where. Stick with the winners was some of the best advise I heard.

Tazman53

JFT7 you know I have on occasion called folks down for gossiping, especially around newcomers or one of my sponsee's. I have been to a few meetings where gossip was the topic, learned a lot about the harm it can cause.

One thing that I was told and I have passed on to my sponsee's is that we have absolutely no control over what others think of us, but we do have control over what we think of our selfs. If we are doing the next right thing and we are doing our best people will notice, the gossips will gossip, but your actions will make their crap mute!

We know our own heart, we know the person we really are and that is what matters.

You know JFT7, if this is a discussion meeting then I would make sure I brought up gossip as a topic and without mentioing any names just let the gossips know how much harm gossips can cause and just how self centered it is to talk badly of others whether it is true or not to where they do not have to look in the mirror at them selfs.

aasharon90

Im not fond of listening to members
air out their laundry in public or
meetings.

Meetings are a place id like to go
to hear the words of recovery.
Listening to members sharing their
experiences strengths and hopes
of what it was like before during
and after drugs or alcohol.

We have a txt book and other
recover liturature used in meetings
outlining how to incorporate
the steps in our everyday lives.

Listening to gossip, someones
personal business behind closed
doors, intimate details of
private lives normally turns me
off.

Im not interested in the who's
what's and why's of personal
businesses.

I like listening to how those that
have good quality recovery and
not so much the quantity.

You can tell when someone has
good quality recovery by their
words and actions.