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Old 09-30-2009, 10:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hi All,

I'm not sure I'm posting this correctly but here goes....Today I attended my first AA Meeting. I've never been so scared in my life. My husband has been wonderfully supportive. My three teenage sons have no idea that my drinking reached epic proportions-almost two bottles of wine a night. I hid it from everyone. I was the master at hiding the bottles. Three years ago I would have said that two bottles a night was insane, but here I am. I guess you could say I was a functioning alcoholic. Went to my job. Worked out. Volunteered at school. Maintained a pretty good facade. Then several weeks ago I cared less about hiding it (I guess I was finally getting tired of the charade). My husband discovered the bottles. We talked and talked. I promised to stop drinking for awhile. Stopped for two weeks then bam! Out of the blue, yesterday, I went to the store and purchased two bottles of wine. He knew right when he walked in the door. This slippery slope I've been on for several years now has gotten progressively worst over time. I have the tolerance of a 250 pound linebacker. I pretty much only drink wine and beer (ha, ha...so easy to convince myself that it's o.k. if it's wine and beer). Oh, the things we tell ourselves.

What was my wake up call? The realization that I could lose everything that I love in the entire world. That I am picking my kids up from activities and driving with them in the car, risking their lives. What kind of mother would do that? I've lost all perspective. Fortunately, I have not gotten a DUI or worst, been in a car accident. But my kids are very astute and I can no longer kid myself into believing that I am in control of this addiction. I cannot risk putting them in harms way. How can I talk to them about drinking and driving when their own mother is doing just that? You lead by example.

I come from a long line of drinkers. My dad is a functioning alcoholic; my dad's dad was an alcoholic and my mother's brother (my uncle) died from alcoholism (although I never knew him). All three of his children are alcoholics. My two sisters are big drinkers too. One may have even a more severe problem then I, but she's in denial.

I'm very happy to have discovered this website. I found it by Googling a few key words. I hope to find support and understanding. I'm scared when I think of the possibility of never being able to drink again. To not be able to have a glass of wine with dinner or a cold beer on a hot day at the ballpark. Everywhere I go (dinner parties, social gatherings, etc.,) alcohol is always served. No longer will I be able to partake. I will have to answer questions and explain to all of my friends and family, why I'm not drinking. But at the end of the day, that is a small price to pay to ensure the safety of my children and to protect our beautiful family unit. I have a long way to go to earn back my self respect; today was the first step in that direction.
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Old 09-30-2009, 10:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Blarney Stone

it is a scary thought - never again.

I just took it a day at a time - eventually not only could I handle 'never again', I wanted it to be that way...

This is a great place for both support and understanding.
I think you'll like it here.

Welcome

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Old 09-30-2009, 11:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Blarneystone. Its a cool place here

By the way I like your screen name. Ive kissed you many a time in Ireland lol
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Old 09-30-2009, 11:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, BlarneyStone.

Congratulations on starting on the path of sobriety...

-TB
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Old 09-30-2009, 11:15 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by BlarneyStone View Post
I will have to answer questions and explain to all of my friends and family, why I'm not drinking.
None of us has to explain anything to anyone, unless we feel like it.

Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 10-01-2009, 03:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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welcome to the family BS,

and that aint no Bull!
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Old 10-01-2009, 04:45 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome. I been having the same problem as you, although not for the first time, I don't want to drink, but the thought of 'never again' is a tough one to swallow (pardon the expression). This time I am going with one day at a time. It seems to have worked with so many and I really want to be one of them. As for other people: Do whatever feels right for you - tell them - don't tell them. 'I feel so much better not drinking' has always worked for me.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR BlarneyStone, so what did you think of your first AA meeting? It took me 10-12 meetings before I started to feel comfortable, do not get me wrong the people made me feel more then welcome and very helpful, but at first it just did not seem right.

In the long run the fellowship & the program of AA saved my life.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:57 AM   #10 (permalink)
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welcome.. A.A. has saved my life too!:ghug2
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:01 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Welcome.

"Never again" is a scary concept in the beginning stages of sobriety or even just thinking about getting sober but my experience is that it has gotten much less so over time, and it hardly bothers me now, if at all to think about the fact that I will never again consume an alcoholic beverage, I don't want to; thankfully.

Commit to your family, and your sobriety, put one sober day after another and you'll do great.
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:21 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Blarneystone

Quote:
Fortunately, I have not gotten a DUI or worst, been in a car accident.
YET....

I say that because when I first came into the rooms of AA, I compared and thought that never happened to me, so I'm not as bad as them, well, all the "didn't happen to me" just about came true when I went back out.

Good Luck, you can do this just one day at a time. Keep posting.
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:32 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I too have kissed the stone. But then somebody told me what the locals do when they have had a drink. Glad to see you here, it is indeed a very good place and the people are warm and supportive. Congrats on your first meeting, I haven't as yet had the guts to do it. So all power to you.
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Old 10-01-2009, 07:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi BlarneyStone,

Welcome welcome welcome. I am on day 12, not too far ahead of you. It took a couple of days to let the "one day at a time" concept sink in. Don't think ahead to when you're 60, don't think ahead too far wondering if you'll ever take a drink again. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Just commit to not drinking today. It's simple (but not neccesarily easy.)

There are a surprising number of moms on this board, including me. Lots of us trying to escape our stress by sucking down a bottle or two. Lots of us looking for a better option. Stay plugged in here; we can all help each other out.

Penny
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Old 10-01-2009, 08:47 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Thank you all for your kind, supportive words. I plan on attending another AA Meeting today and will most likely go everyday for now.
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Old 10-01-2009, 09:03 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I plan on attending another AA Meeting today and will most likely go everyday for now.
I went to at least one meeting a day for probably the first 6-7 months of my sobriety, that and having a sponsor and taking the steps has given me a good solid base to work from. I go to 3 meetings a week normally now, but I talk to guys in the fellowship almost daily and work with my sponsee's as well.

Be patient, stay in the day. I wanted to be like the folks with 20 years of sobriety when I had only been in the rooms a month or two!!! Well I have 3 years sober now, my life is 180 degrees opposite what it was like 3 years ago, but I still have miles to go, as long as I keep making progress and keep helping others I am happy.
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Old 10-01-2009, 01:20 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hello Blarneystone

I've been drinking a bottle of wine a night for a long time now but things have definitely started to get worse recently. Last week I drank two bottles three nights in a row. I still dont think I have accepted inside that I can't ever drink again and I'm wondering how I will get through Christmas. I hope you are winning.
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Old 10-01-2009, 01:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
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AA can be a bit of a fright when you enter, i have been going for almost a year it gets easier, although the mood and desire to drink does not go away. Unfortunally it is a double edge sword, it is supportive and helpful as is this sight. Good luck lots of around the clock support here to keep you away from drinking.
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Old 10-01-2009, 01:55 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Remember to always keep the idea of sobriety firmly rooted in "one day at a time". Getting my head around that concept really helps me deal with sobriety.

All the best
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Old 10-01-2009, 04:30 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Hi again.....
I did reply to your other thread about the best path to take.

I often laughed that I put the fun into functioning alcoholic.
The final 5 years of my drinking....that was no longer true.
I had limited myself in many ways in order to protect my
need to consume a toxic liquid that was destroying the
woman I desired to be. How sad I had become.

AA recovery has given me back my self respect and my happy soul.
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