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Old 09-30-2009, 07:08 PM   #1 (permalink)

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Okay, I've had it

I don't have time to tell my story, but I just want to let you know how happy I am to find this site and to use these boards. I need support. Not a huge amount, because I have determined to conquer this damn addiction, whether I had any support or not. I have my own brain, I have faith in God, but now I have all of you guys (hundreds of you) to answer my questions and to help me move in the right direction when I feel like I must have a drink.

Long story short, I'm a mom of 2, a business owner, the president of the PTO, a girl scout leader... and I've always drank. But not too much - I could always handle it. Recently (over the last... few months I guess it's been) the economy and everything has kinda gotten to me (excuses, excuses) and when I've felt stressed about things I've let myself binge drink. Wow. Not a good plan. I've done it enough that one drink becomes... I don't even know. I've drank enough to have stashes here and there because I'm embarrassed to have my husband see how much I can drink. I have lotsa stories that I never want to admit to actually, but bottom line is not only have I passed out at night after too much drinking, lost my memory because of drinking, but now after reading up on many of these posts and webmd, etc. I'm sure my liver is swollen and my body is really getting affected. I feel crummy, my stomach is swollen, etc. But after a couple days that's starting to go away.

I'm not ready to give up my health. I'm not ready to give up my joy with my kids. I'm not ready to give up a sexy night with my husband because I can't control how much I drink...I pass out instead of just getting in the mood. He's so sweet and understanding so far though, because he loves to drink too - but he can stop. All of a sudden... I just can't seem to stop. I have bills to pay, a career to pursue, I WILL NOT LET THIS POISON TAKE IT ALL AWAY!

I have so much going for me. I can't afford to louse it all up because I can't control myself. I keep trying to control it for the last few months. And I do - half the week I don't have a drop. But once the weekend comes - whoo! time to enjoy, because I worked really hard & I deserve it! But I'm drinking so much, I can just imagine what my 6 year old is starting to think. My dad was an alcoholic and I certainly remember.

So... again, I'm overjoyed at this site and look forward to having the extra support I need to get past this. I'm just starting though. I understand step #1 of AA.... and..... I just wish I could drink moderately. But I'm "getting it" that I can't. I just can't. My brain isn't letting me anymore.

Any thoughts? Please share. Thanks a million.
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR!!
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Well, let's see here. Good health, longer life, more joy, more money, more hubba hubba with hubby, more productivity, more self-respect versus a drink. Are you sure you want to make that deal

on your choice of sobriety! Welcome. There's a lot of support for you here.
One foot in front of the other; one step at a time

"Anne stopped drinking and never looked back."
That's my story. I read it every morning, and I'm sticking to it.
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
it's all happening
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Hi Joy!

So glad you found us! I just found this site about a week ago, when I first decided to stop drinking. You and I have very similar stories. I am a mom to three, work full time in a great job, have a great husband, etc etc ... And this past year has just gone downhill for me. I had one night when I went out "partying" with the girls, and came home and threw up for an hour and a half. Next time I went out, I swore I wasn't going to drink much, and the next day I was shaking from my hangover.

Robs us and our kids of so much. I believe my decision to stop drinking is probably the best decision I've ever made for me and my family. How many days in are you? I'm at 11. Cravings haven't been too bad.

You can do it. I plan on being here a lot -- hope to see you around.

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Old 09-30-2009, 07:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
Cause no harm
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Welcome and you are definitely on the right track. Keep posting and reading.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:52 PM   #6 (permalink)

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Welcome! I am a divorced Mom of 3 with a good job, involved in my kids' lives, etc. and can relate to your story very well. Many of us Moms turn to alcohol to get through the day when the kids are very young. I know I used to wait until 6:00 to pop open that wine. When I heard a friend of mine thought 5:00 was okay, I changed to that time. Slowly but surely, over about a 5 year period, my drinking got worse and out of control. I was polishing off a bottle of wine every other night, hungover every other day (massively) and not sleeping... vomiting throughout the night. Forgetting things I did or said the night before, doing stupid things I regret... it is not the way I want my story to end -- so here I am, too. Day 6 tomorrow for me.
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
Not all better, getting better
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Welcome to SR RealJoy!! While it is possible to "do it on your own", it sure is nice to have that hand ready when you are down, and you will get that here!! Read up, listen, ask questions, there is a wealth of experience and wisdom here for you to draw upon!!

TJ: Good to see ya back!!
Peace and Love,


"I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it so a little got more and more. I just keep tryin' to get a little better, said a little better than before."
Mr. Brownstone G-n-R

Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi choosingrealjoy

I think you'll find some real support here - as you've seen already many people have found themselves in situations like yours and have gotten out...

Keep reading and posting. SR helped me turn my life around - I hope we can help you too

I'd also encourage you to see your doctor if you're worried about your health in any way....I can tell you from experience it really is better to do that than worry about it.

Welcome to SR
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:23 PM   #9 (permalink)

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Thanks for giving me feedback & replies everyone. I'm going to get "addicted" to these boards and leave the poison addiction behind!

When I tell my husband I'm not drinking at all, he's going to think I'm over exagerating and making a big deal out of nothing. So my strategy to avoid him feeling like I'm abandoning our "fun" this weekend is... I'm going on a diet and it doesn't include alcohol. I've low-carbed before and for the first 14 days you are not allowed a drop. In 14 days I will have begun my new habit of saying "no"... and all without my husband thinking that I've become a card-carrying-AA member all of a sudden. lol

Wow... no booze. I'm going to save so much money!

You've asked how long have I been sober? Um............... since yesterday MORNING. Yes, I said it. Sometimes when I get nutty on my binges I wake up to have a shot of "fuel" for the morning. Actually, I was hurting so bad yesterday I was hoping a drink would stop the hurt. How pathetic. So I guess that would make it.... about 33 hours??

I too have woke up in the middle of the night to throw up. I recall one day in the summer when it was really through the grace and protection of God that I made it. I should have had my stomach pumped. I was so brain dead and felt so sick - and it didn't stop for a long time. How could I let myself do that to myself?? Forget it. I'm not looking back, not today anyway. I'm moving forward.

Here's my choice: Pitiful or Powerful

I'm so done with pitiful.
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:25 PM   #10 (permalink)
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Welcome to our recovery community
Yes! you too can quit and enjoy a healthier future.

Please read this link....


Blessings to you and your family
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

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Old 09-30-2009, 09:09 PM   #11 (permalink)

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Wow... lots of info. Thank you!
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Do you think there will be benefits to dancing around the issue with your husband? Just thinking in light of choosing powerful...
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Real Joy! Welcome! I am on day 11 and have a similar story to yours as well. I found myself this year becoming a nightly drinker after the baby went to bed. I also have a good job, friends, activities, etc but I found that I was drinking almost a bottle of wine nightly and more on weekends. I would wake up every morning foggy and feeling crappy.

Then over a week ago I woke up on a sunday morning and decided I had enough and wanted to stop.

I also started to read this good book called Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore. My dad drank/drinks a great deal and I hated it as a kid and still do today. I don't want my relationship with my daughter to be like that. I am 39 and have waited too long to have a family to ruin it. I want to be as good a mother as I can be and also live the fullest life I possibly can.

This morning - I took the dog and daughter for a walk at a local park and just had a feeling of euphoria at how good I felt, how beautiful the lake was and how happy I felt.

I also reflected on how before I felt so overwhelmed - that my cup was just run over and full all the time and now not as much - well I guess my cup was 1/2 full with booze so every little thing seemed just so difficult.

We are here to give you the support you need! Would love for you to join us...
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:39 PM   #14 (permalink)

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Definately here to join you.

I'm an older mom too and I have a 16 month old little boy as well as a 6 year old daughter. When I'm sober I do have joy, just like you said. You notice the lake more, you like to walk the dog, etc.

As to skirting the issue with my husband, ChrisinAustin... I've told him I'm worried about myself and that I'm an alcoholic, etc., but he thinks I'm just overreacting. A conversation where he's trying to convince me I'm fine won't help him or me. I don't want to waste my energy on a arguement so silly - again. I'm not going to be deceitful. I really do need to go on a diet! We actually we're just talking about it yesterday that we both should together. I'm just doing it now... mainly to stop the alcohol, however, I could also stop the cheesecake too!
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:42 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Any clean addict is a miracle and keeping the miracle alive
is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender, and growth
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
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My story was very similar, but I didn't stop. I kept going til one night I blacked out and ended up naked. . .in a hot tub. . .with 3 men, bleh. Of course because it was a black out I needed someone to tell me the tale, and the lucky narrator was my 21 year old daughter.

Anyway, my unsolicited advice is to stop before you have a story like mine.

I am 9 months sober now. Recovery has taught me so much more than how to not drink, it has shown me the path back to an amazing life.

ban the deed, not the breed~
five years of continuous sobriety and counting
<3 (its a sideways heart!)
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:54 PM   #17 (permalink)

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Tell me about "an amazing life".
How it's so much better.
I know the answers, I just want to remember more clearly from your thoughts. I want to read about better days.

Last edited by ChoosingRealJoy; 09-30-2009 at 10:10 PM.
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Old 09-30-2009, 10:04 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR
Standing in a church makes you no more of a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The past is a strange place. They do things differently there.
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Old 10-01-2009, 04:54 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! You'll find lots of support and understanding and experience here. REad our stories. Ask your questions. We're here to help you stay clean and sober. Again, welcome!!
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 10-01-2009, 05:32 AM   #20 (permalink)
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ChoosingRealJoy welcome to SR, so are you going to AA?
All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB

Follow directions!

Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006

Sober today thanks to AA
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