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Old 09-29-2009, 09:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I just can't stop

Been to two rehabs in the past 6 months. While there I was so happy, getting through the day not drinking and learning so much. Both stints ended up in full blown relapses, drinking just about daily. I am also talking to a very supportive sponsor. I just can't stop. Once the urge hits, I just do it. I don't think about anything I've learned, I don't call my sponsor, and I drink right after AA meetings. I can't stop, help.
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Old 09-29-2009, 09:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi eyemitalian

I'm not in AA but if I couldn't stop...and I had a sponsor...I'd call my sponsor as a first step.

If we can't stop, and we want to, it's really down to us to reach out and do everything we can to get help to stop.

I'm glad you posted.
You'll find a lot of support and help here too - welcome

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Old 09-29-2009, 09:36 PM   #3 (permalink)

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Hi eyemitalian0312,

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I've been there too and I'm scared to relapse because it gets harder for me to quit each time.

You have to do whatever it takes to stop. Go the detox, stay over at a friends place, talk to your sponsor all night long, whatever it takes.. For me, I had to go to AA meetins at night so I physically could not go to the liquor store. I never keep alcohol in the house. Sometimes I won't come home until after the liquor stores close. Whatever it takes. I also don't trust myself with subtle cravings. I call my sponsor as soon as I get a craving because otherwise I'll drink and won't call until it's too late.

Please do whatever it takes for you to stop. Lots of love.
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Old 09-29-2009, 10:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I have relapse numerous times and each time it becomes tougher and tougher to find the resolve to quit. But we must! Regardless if it is one time or twenty, we must try. Do something different this time. If you continue to do the same routine in quitting, your chances of success is diminished. Find a new (or old) friend who does not drink and become closer. Start an exercise program, learn to play an instrument, but most of all, find a way to tell yourself you will not drink. Notice at which time the urges begin. Mine usually begins between 5 pm and 6 pm. If you notice the pattern, call your sponsor before that time slot. Change something in your methods. And come here as much as you can.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
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Old 09-29-2009, 10:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
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You are not alone. Part of my recovery was disocvering how out of control I can be, saying one thing, doing another. Life is too short and I am too busy to live a double life. Angel or devil, you sort of have to decide. Are u the world best and most elusive secretive drinker? Probably not. If u are like how I was, I got a kick and a rush out of being able to deceive people into think your doing fine and well. But, you are really just deceiving yourself. Who cares whether u drink again? you're already expected to fail. Might as well fail, right? Its not a failure if ueventually learn from it, though. Just a quetion of how many and how seious the failure have to be in order for you to develop enough desire not to fail.
"Do not walk behind me, I might not lead you properly. Do not walk ahead of me, I may not follow you correctly. Walk with me, my friend, so that we can travel this road together" - L'Etranger, Albert Camus
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Old 09-29-2009, 10:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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This is a great place with lots of support and many terrific people. Read and post. It helps a lot!

Question: What was different when you were in rehab? Environment? People? Support? Cheese and crackers? Can you add some of that into your now?
One foot in front of the other; one step at a time

"Anne stopped drinking and never looked back."
That's my story. I read it every morning, and I'm sticking to it.
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Old 09-29-2009, 10:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I would consider a new sponsor. Not that there is anything wrong with the one you got now, but it doesn't seem to be working too well for you, so some kind of change could be a good idea. It takes courage to keep coming back, so congrats. Good luck.
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Old 09-29-2009, 11:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Ima, Sounds like you are smack dab in the middle of third stage alcoholism. Guess what it gets much worse. Ready to go to any length to get sober?

"The chains of alcohol are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken"
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Old 09-30-2009, 06:47 AM   #9 (permalink)
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You've indentified what your problem is.
What do you think the solution could be?
Any clean addict is a miracle and keeping the miracle alive
is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender, and growth
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Old 09-30-2009, 07:02 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I hope you will do whatever it takes to get and stay sober.

You can step out of the vicious cycle of addiction.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:10 AM   #11 (permalink)

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Howdy eyemitalian, and welcome.

Originally Posted by eyemitalian0312 View Post
Once the urge hits, I just do it. I don't think about anything I've learned, I don't call my sponsor, and I drink right after AA meetings. I can't stop, help.
This is one of the hallmarks of alcoholism. This is the both the phenomenon of craving and the mental obsession that AA's Big Book talks about. Once you start, all bets are off, and it's very hard to stop. And then once you've stopped, such as in rehab, you're doomed to start again.

I am an alcoholic of that variety. I too, started meeting with a sponsor and could not stop drinking. He still laughs about it. Here's this guy (me) showing up on time like we agreed, seemingly willing to go to any lengths, but reeking of booze. Of course, I tried to hide it, but he wasn't fooled for a second. After a week or two meeting like this, he asked me when my last drink was. And for whatever reason, I told the truth. I told him earlier that day. He told me to go home, dump what I had, and start the next morning on the directions he gave me from the Big Book. I went home, drank what I had left, and started the next day on those directions. I haven't drank since.

I'm always amazed how one of us gets through those first few weeks. I believe there is some grace involved in absolutely having to drink one day and not drinking the next. I don't know how that happens.

But it's a temporary grace. I couldn't recover until I put that grace to some action. Talking to a sponsor wasn't sufficient. Going to meetings wasn't sufficient. I had to get on a spiritual path that would lead me to a monumental psychic change. As long as I was on that path (and still to this day), I haven't had to drink. That was the proper action for me.

What step are you on? Today, even if you have to tie yourself down, don't drink. Make it impossible for yourself if you have to. But that is not all. Today, start that journey. Today, in addition to not drinking, take that first small step towards the end of your slavery.

There it is, eye, September 30, 2009 is the start of a whole new life, provided you take certain actions.
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