Dunsuppin

I was so sure I wasn't really an alcoholic. Yes I knew that alcohol was a problem that needed addressing, it was seriously affecting the quality of my life. It was all about control. I had tried to stop before but without real success so I took advice from a post I read on here. Stop for 30 days, see how it feels. 30 days...seemed like an easy challenge. I managed 34, I looked ten years younger, I had energy, I was getting things done. I was back in control. I decided I could safely dabble with a bottle of wine.

That was just five weeks ago. I'm back to drinking every night, only now I'm drinking two bottles of wine instead of one. I'm making stupid phone calls, sending stupid emails. I've put on nearly a stone and today I feel depressed and have no energy.

I think I am an alcoholic.

There I've said it. I want to delete it because it can't possibly be true. This is day one again. I've been reading this board for over a year and find it inspirational. Perhaps I've always known I would eventually make this post. My thanks to all who post on here.

PurpleCat

Welcome Dunsuppin - good luck!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I was totally shocked when I realized I was an alcoholic. I couldn't believe I had allowed that to happen, but I did.

I think what you're finding is that addiction is a progressive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop it. I am glad you have decided to seek support here and that you've made the decision to live a sober life.

mariechi

It's hard to admit or accept. I'm no doctor or expert, but I would say you are an alcoholic. It was terrifying to say to myself and rather presumptuous to say to someone else. You've already seen it in yourself. Read some threads. You will see how many of us have similar stories. We can't handle alcohol, never will be able to. Hey, there are more important things in life.

You've found a good place.

Firehazard

Good to hear from you again. Don't keep coming back!! JUst

stay I would suggest getting ahold of a

AA big book and read the chapter "the docotors opinion" you can read it on line.

it worked for me

Sikkisirus

Welcome to SR Dunsuppin, great screen name by the way

Tazman53

Welcome back to SR Dunsuppin, it may seem very hard to beleive right now, but simply admitting to a problem followed by ACTIONs to resolve it is the beginning of a wonderful way of life.

You listed some immediate benfits:

I found what you had in AA, I found my control with the reliance upon a Power greater then myself and taking and applying 12 steps into all areas of my life.

Hevyn

Hi Dunsuppin! I was just like you - I so wanted to avoid having to call myself an alcoholic. For over 20 yrs. I tried to manage it & control how and when I drank - anything but give it up entirely! I could not imagine my life without my 'friend' to soothe my nerves. In the end, it did the opposite - I was never calm, happy, or excited - just numb to everything. The lovely feeling of euphoria was long gone & it wasn't coming back. I knew that, and yet - still I pursued the original high and happy feeling. It cost me dearly.

Thankfully, you are ready to admit you must call a halt to your drinking. It's great to have you join us - this place has been a huge comfort to me & I'm no longer alone.

KenL

Questioning whether or not you're an alcoholic implies that you don't know what an alcoholic is or what the symptoms of alcoholism are. There are several tests that you can use to determine if you are a likely alcoholic. I had to read a lot of stuff to learn what alcoholism is and how it works. I have no problem admitting that I am an alcoholic now that I know more about alcoholism. According to the book Beyond the Influence, alcoholism is a genetically linked neurological disease. It is progressive. I know there are those who don't believe the disease aspect of alcoholism. They believe that it is behavioral. I have no problem with that. We all come to an understanding of it in one way or another.

Perhaps you think that you're not as bad as others and so you think you are not an alcoholic. Those other people though are just further progressed than you are. There are others who are looking at your post and saying to themselves, "I'm not as bad as that person."

tommyk

Alcoholic or problem drinker, whichever, whatever, welcome back.

Can we focus on addressing the problem, and not the title?

Keep coming back, drinking is the problem.

Start over, and remember WHY you don't want to drink.

Hevyn

I think it's the stigma attached to the word "alcoholic" that makes us hesitant to use it. It implies weakness, irresponsibility - other negative things. At least that's the perception most people I know have of it. Once I became more educated on the subject of alcoholism I wasn't afraid to acknowledge that's what I had.

You're right, though Tommy - they are just words & they shouldn't have anything to do with our desire to get well.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

Dee74

Hi dunsuppin

Welcome to SR. I was totally shocked to realise I'd become an alcoholic too...that was always something I'd swore I'd never be - and, looking back, much of my problem was in trying to accept I had a problem...I kept drinking to try and prove I could 'control' it.

Once I accepted the facts, life got a lot easier
Hope it will for you too,

Keep posting!
D

stone

Welcome Dunn, admitting the problem is the first step to recovering from it.

Aysha

I know it can be pretty hard to accept that the first time. And sometimes you still try and find other things that it may be besides that Big 'A' word.
But its nothing to be ashamed of. Now you know how to treat your problems.
I am sure you already know that this board is full of info and great people with endless support to give.
I hope you stick around.

pennylane2009

I read somewhere here, today, in someone's signature line this phrase:

"A pickle can't go back to being a cucumber."

Love it. I can easily say I'm a pickle. Alcoholic, not so easy.

I'm a pickle.

Creekryder

Dunn,
Hey, I am a total raving, drink-a-dozen beers-a-night, schnapps-guzzling, slurred-speaking, blurry-eyed Irish alcoholic! When I say it, it gives me strength because I don't have to hide it from myself. I admit the problem, now I have to find the solution. Plain and simple. Don't ever be ashamed of admitting the truth to yourself. (I am in no way implying you are an alcoholic, I merely am stating that we must be truthful to ourselves, no matter what it is.)

CarolD

Hmm...
Chooseing to abstain from alcohol was the wisest
move I ever made. I simply felt positive and healthy.

You noticed that too during your 34 days
I'm glad you are making a fresh start...

Dunsuppin

Thanks very much to everyone who replied to my post, I appreciated all the points made. I was at a really low ebb yesterday. Woke up today with no hang over and a much clearer head. I did find an online copy of the book and I read the first few chapters. I printed off the pages about resentment and I spent some time thinking and writing about being angry inside. It helped a lot and I'm sure it will help some more later. Alcohol is ruining my life, I guess I don't need a label to admit that. It's great to be welcomed to the board and I will be reading as usual.

chrisinaustin

Welcome... the simplest of realizations can put you in a better place today than you were yesterday.