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Old 09-28-2009, 07:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
JayA
 

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Where to start and how to manage


hello,

My name is Jay and I am 42 year old male. I have a loving wife and kids, still I drink several times a week and when I drink, I don't know when to stop. I want to stop cycle of drink -> guilt -> drink -> guilt all together.

I need your support and guidance on how to stop drinking and manage to stay sober all of my life.

Today is the day where I start my journey to sobriety.

Wish me luck and I need your help to walk the path to sobriety.

Jay
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Old 09-28-2009, 07:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Jay,

I went through that same cycle for years, always making promises and never being able to keep them. It got pretty damn demoralizing towards the end when I'd make that promise to myself (nobody else was around after the destruction I caused) on a dialy basis, and still be drunk by day's end.

I recovered by taking AA's 12 steps. My life changed in ways I couldn't have imagined, and I've never been happier, even before I started drinking. My life has never been this full and meaningful.

See if this sounds familiar: Especially notice the last sentence. It's just the experience of many alcoholics. If it fits what you're doing now, we absolutely have a solution for you. It never fails, as long as you put forth the effort.
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Originally Posted by AA Big Book, 1st Ed.
After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
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Old 09-28-2009, 07:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Jay, the NOVA..... is that Scotia or No. Virginia?

I will suggest to you what I wish had been suggested to me when I was your age, check out AA. Btw the time this suggestion sunk in for me I was 52, I had gone 5 years straight without drawing a sober breath, I was right on the verge of losing everything, family and material.

Here is the path I took.

1. Saw a doctor who specialized in drug and alcohol abuse and told him the whoe truth about my drinking, he told me I needed to be medically detoxed. (No matter what see a doc)

2. Went through medical detox where they suggested going to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and getting a sponsor.

3. Got out of detox and started going to AA and got a sponsor.

4. In AA they suggested that I keep coming back and take the steps with my sponsor.

5. Well here it is over 3 years later, I still go to 3 meetings a wekk, I finished taking the steps in my first year sober with my sponsor and today I am a sponsor that passes on to others what was freely passed on to me.

This was my experience, the path I took is one that has been followed by millions of other sober alcoholics, it is not the only path, there are others, AA is the path that worked for me.

Hang around, ask questions, get and give support.
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Old 09-28-2009, 07:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Jay,

Welcome!

What worked for me in the early days, was changing my routines and daily pattersn. Try driving home from work a different way, plan to be doing something else in the evening when you would be drinking, that kind of thing.

Take a look around and you'll find lots of information here.
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Old 09-28-2009, 09:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
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to SR and you have my sincerest wishes on a new life
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Old 09-28-2009, 09:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
JayA
 

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aa meetings

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Tazman - I am from northen VA.

I looked at AA meeting schedule and as I understand, I should start with the open meeting and go from there.

I will try to get to at least couple of meetings this week and keep my will power strong.

Ragards,

Jay
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Old 09-28-2009, 09:27 AM   #7 (permalink)
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glad your here jay.

and it sounds like a positive start...

as soon as you can get a big book and get a sponsor .

they maybe someone at the meeting that can help you out with that..

a question::.....what your experience with your will power in refraining from drinking in the past?.....

keep posting mate........id be interested to hear how your doing.
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Old 09-28-2009, 09:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Jay I work in Springfield, there are tons and tons of meetings in the area, beginners meetings and open meetings, speaker meetings are also good ones to go to in early sobriety, you will get to hear people speak of how it was, what happened, and how it is for them today.
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Old 09-28-2009, 09:42 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi Jay!

It's great that you are here and are asking for support. A lot of great advice has already been given so I don't have much to add. In my early days of sobriety I had to go to a lot of AA meetings for a few reasons: 1. for support and hope and 2. so I would be physically somewhere other than the bar. I simply couldn't trust myself to be home alone between 6 pm and 12 am. Night meetings were the only way I could resist the cravings until I had a little sobriety (and a little more strength and confidence) under my belt. Even now, I call friends/sponsors in AA when I get a subtle craving and before I drink. I don't trust myself to fight the craving on my own yet. I used to call them after I took a drink, because hey, I didn't want them to stop me from having "fun" that night. You could imagine how well that worked out! lol.

I wish you all the best, rob
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:24 AM   #10 (permalink)
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hello jay and welcome to sr,i too am alcoholic and could not stay sober on my own.i went to AA and through the 12 step recovery programme my life has changed beyond recognition.i get where your coming from,i called it the treadmill.there came the point where i wanted to get off.have you ever considered that it may not be will power that you need? how many times has your "will power" failed you when trying to stop or regulate your drinking? mine was zero as far as alcohol was concerened.as soon as i absolutely realised that it wasnt my will power that i needed and alcohol had me beat i started to recover.i am delighted that you have decided to check out AA.go with an open mind and listen to the similarities in other folks shares and how your drinking was with you.i wish you well.keep us posted,
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:31 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jedipaulia View Post
I looked at AA meeting schedule and as I understand, I should start with the open meeting and go from there.
Not necessarily. If Taz or somebody else (maybe from the local AA hotline) can point you to some good open or beginner ones that are geared towards carrying the message of recovery to the newcomer, then it's a great start.

Otherwise, if you are serious about quitting drinking, I'd find the book thumping closed meeting where the topic is a spiritual solution to alcoholism.
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:31 AM   #12 (permalink)
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You are taking a great step here?
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:44 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Jay, (I have family in Burke) I commend you on your decision. It's so hard to admit things are out of control. I spent years trying to moderate & control. I was like you, once it got in my system I didn't know when to stop. Eventually, I was drinking 24/7 & it was hell to stop it at that point. Hoping to hear more about your journey.
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Jay

Welcome to SR.

As you've already seen, you'll get a lot of advice and support here - SR was instrumental in helping me break my cycle - I certainly hope we can do the same for you

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Old 09-29-2009, 05:15 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Old 09-30-2009, 05:15 AM   #16 (permalink)
JayA
 

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went to AA meeting

Last night I went to AA meeting. It was a open meeting with discussion, several very young folks in the meeting.

After the meeting, I spoke to the meeting secretery and he suggested to come to another meeting today which I am going to attend.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

jay
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Old 09-30-2009, 06:00 AM   #17 (permalink)
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great news jay,please tell us your thoughts when you have been to this other meeting! i have had such a wonderful experience since going to AA and i hope you do too.keep us posted.
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Old 10-01-2009, 09:35 AM   #18 (permalink)
JayA
 

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Attended another meeting

Attended another meeting and I could connect better with the folks in this meeting.

Everyone talks about get a sponcer, how do you go about getting a sponcer?

2 days - no drinks.

Regards,

Jay
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Old 10-01-2009, 09:41 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Good for you....

You and I sound very similar. I too am embarking on the initial stages of my sobriety journey. While we have a long way to go, and a tough road ahead, I'd prefer to be on this path of change, then continuing on the path of pain, destruction, guilt and shame. Best of luck.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:14 AM   #20 (permalink)
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hello jay.great that you felt a connection! have you spoken to many folk yet? let it be known and ask about next time you go that you want a sponsor,even if it is just a temporary one for now.a sponsor is somebody who will take you through the 12 step recovery programme of alcoholics anonymous.in my case i heard a lady that was visiting speak at a meeting i regularly attend and i identified with her story and i liked her quiete confidence.i only met her twice and asked her to sponsor me,she meant business! if a friendship comes out of a sponsor/sponsee relationship at the end then great,but at the end of the day (imo) treat it a bit like a bit like a business relationship and just crack on! i wish you well jay,again keep us posted.there will be more folk with more experience around soon i should imagine with some more advice for you!
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