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Old 09-27-2009, 07:22 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: VA
Posts: 85

Moving up the timetable

I posted earlier in this forum that I was going on a January timeframe to prepare for my moving on without him, and our "deal" that if he wasn't able to abide by our no drinking, no money, no keys rules he would agree to an inpatient facility in January (after football season). And, several of you rightfully pointed out that he probably had a back-up plan when he made the deal. He did (2 actually), and I had an idea about both of them, it was just one of those things that took a few days to shut down and he exploited one of them before I could close them. So, he managed to secure $100 on Thursday, which can buy enough booze to keep him going for a week or so. He says he spent $80 of it on a lap dance - he's been unable to do anything sexually for months now so he said he was trying to get something going "down there". I actually hope he did use it on a lap dance because it would mean he had less left over for booze. But, I don't believe him. For one thing, I know he got the money around 10:00 in the morning, after having walked to the bank, which is 2.5 miles away. And, he went golfing with my parents who picked him up at the house around 11:30. He says he went to a bar next do the bank - there is a bar in that shopping center but its not open that early in the day and its not one of those types of bars. The nearest of that type is 2.5 miles in the other direction from our house. Plus, he did at one point in his drunken stupor tell me he would go downstairs and give me the rest of the money. But, when we got downstairs he repeated his lap dance story. I've not been able to locate the rest of the money but I'm not going to look very hard.

So, Thursday night he was of course drunk. I told him right then and there that the deal was off, he had to get a job and leave. He kept insisting that he a) hadn't been drinking, and b) give him his credit card right now and he'd leave. And, he pulled the kids between us - so, I announced to both of them that their Dad and I were separating and that he would be moving out. And then the crying began - I called my 19 year old in College and she immediately burst into tears. It was very traumatic night. My younger two (8 and 12) were angry with me for telling him he had to leave. My AH played it up by telling my 8 year old he would have to live in a tent; my 12 year old son tells me I should hire a babysitter. My 19 year old says if I kick him out she thought he might commit suicide (she'd heard him many times talk of suicide while drunk). My 8 year old asks him if would rather die or miss football - he said die - but I asked her does that sound at all logical or rational and she noted that no it didn't and seemed to understand why I had to do this. She also asked why he kept trying to blow on the wrong end of the breathalyzer - and I told her because he figured that unless I could prove he was drinking, he wasn't drinking and was okay. My 19 year old called my in-laws - who basically told her the same thing I did, that he needs to be kicked out of the house.

My son has been a little harder. Both kids slept at my parents house on Friday night, and my son ended up sleeping with my Dad (my Mom noted that he hasn't done that in years). He is the type of kid that just wants everything to be okay; he gets upset when he gets in trouble, and thinks the world ought to be fair. My parents took my AH's truck and are hiding it for me.

AH looks terrible; he's obviously malnourished. Was so drunk Friday night that he was still drunk Saturday AM, and reeked of alcohol. Not sure if he drank yesterday or not, but I told him again Saturday AM that it was inpatient treatment or out the door - he said okay, and I said pack your bags I'll take you now. He refused - well, on Monday I'm making my appt with the attorney. By last night, when he had come down some, or maybe had just chosen not to drink as much, I said you know you need to go into treatment right, and he said yes, and you know it has to be now, and he said I know followed by why do you hate me so much. I just looked at him and said I'm not talking to you right now, and I hope you like being around yourself because no one else does. I then went to bed and again locked him out of the bedroom.

I'm trying to push him over the edge faster. So, today, his cigarettes will be gone as well. That's the one thing I haven't taken from him, reasoning that its hard to quit two habits. I know he'll probably go into DT's again. I think I just paid the last of the hospital bills from last time (totaling more than $4000 and I have health insurance).
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Old 09-27-2009, 07:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 257
Sounds like you're ready! However, your AH doesn't sound like he's ready yet. I hope he's ready to get some help soon.

I'm sorry for everybody involved. I hope things get worked out soon.
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Old 09-27-2009, 06:47 PM   #3 (permalink)

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: VA
Posts: 85
Well, today he said he wanted help, and that he thought he needed to go into an inpatient treatment program. His last drink was yesterday; today, he's been mostly in bed, not feeling well. He says he's scared. I'm trying to get him into inpatient treatment, but called and they are full right now. So, what I have to wait until he goes into DT's? Good news is that he's not nearly as bad as last time, and its been more than 24 hours. I did find an outpatient detox program that I'm going to call in the morning - they take his vitals and start the Detox via IV vitamins, phenobarbitol and fluids, which they say takes about 3-4 hours. If he's doing okay, they send him home as long as he has a caregiver to administer the drugs and keep an eye on him for the next few days, and he comes in daily to be checked out. My Mom, who is an RN, said she'd help me with that. They also have a follow-up program which includes counseling, recommended 12 step program, and they will also prescribe Naltrexone and/or anti-craving medications.

At any rate, I guess I'll be keeping an eye on him tonight - and I'll take him to the ER at the first sign of DT's. So far, he's physically uncomfortable - but doesn't have the shakes, and no hallucinations or vomiting. He seems able to eat fine, and I've been giving him vitamins and plenty of gatorade. He said he has a headache. Last time, the shakes and hallucinations started immediately, although by day 4 when I got him to the hospital, he was actually believing his hallucinations. Four days into his hospital, and he was still convinced that everything happened in his hallucinations.

I can't believe he finally decided he needed to go to inpatient and I can't find one with a bed. I checked my insurance company website 100 miles out.
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