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Old 09-26-2009, 10:51 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Sep 2009
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hi everyone.. hope you are all having a good saturday night i haven't had a drink since the middle of june and have been doing really well. the past couple of days i've really wanted to have a few drinks. i think it's mostly because there have been quite a few gatherings.. work things, etc. i don't want to go and not drink. i find myself becoming very shy when i'm in a situation where most people are having a drink and i'm not. shyer than i would be in a normal situation.. i don't know why. i have a friend who knows my whole story and she offered to go with me and not drink but i said no. i don't want to hold anyone back even though i appreciate the support. i don't know... i have just had this blahhhh kinda feeling. i don't want to get wasted, i just want to have a few drinks, that's all. i won't do it because i know it's not worth it but i haven't had an urge this strong the whole time since i stopped drinking so it kind of surprised me. i thought it was supposed to get easier over time but i find that the longer i go without drinking, the more i want to. maybe it's because everything in my life is going great and i think i could handle it. i don't know! sigh
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Old 09-26-2009, 11:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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First of all..Congrats on your sober time. Thats great.
I know I use to hear it gets easier and after awhile (couple months) and I was like "What are they talking about?"
For me it wasnt easy all the time. It got easier as time went by with work and patience. Alot of changing my thinking was huge for me.
I had my bad moments. And sometimes it seemed like it got harder and harder.
But I have noticed with myself that the more I didnt cave. the more I didnt dwell on whether I should or shouldt. It did get easier over time.
I have to burn it in my mind that using just isnt an option at all anymore.
If I think at any moment that I might be able to handle just one or a couple. Or think that its just getting harder. Obsess about whats wrong with being clean.Thats when all those feelings of doubt and discomfort come in.
I had to stop thinking of the down side of quitting all together.
Like , I am not as social or outgoing. I have been doing good. I can handle one time and thats it.
It was sorta like setting myself up.
Instead I replace all that thinking with, I simply do not use anymore. I just relax and try to be myself no matter how shy I feel. I found that once I let go of that anxiety of not being able to interact like I did when using. I just naturally opened up. And with a conscious mind and coherrant things to conversate about. LOL. But thats just my own experience.
It does take time. But the more you stick with and just keep doing the right thing. It will all become natural for you. It will get easier. But there will be bumps along the way.
Its all in your percpective. IMO.
Hang in there. It will come in time.
Dont just count your days...Make your days count!

It may not get easier, But it will get better.
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Old 09-26-2009, 11:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi again.....

Here is your first post

Hope you will continue to be a non drinker...
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

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Old 09-26-2009, 11:35 PM   #4 (permalink)

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i will definitely continue to be a non drinker.. it's just hard!
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Old 09-26-2009, 11:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Congrats on sober time! GLad you are here. Do you have another support system --outside of SR I meetings for instance. I find that for me--having a sober support network helps especially face-to-face. My family/friends don't understand me half the time--because they don't have any addiction problems with drugs/alcohol. Keep posting. We do recover.
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Old 09-26-2009, 11:44 PM   #6 (permalink)

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Originally Posted by tiac26 View Post
i have a friend who knows my whole story and she offered to go with me and not drink but i said no. i don't want to hold anyone back
Why not? She offered. I need all the help I can get to stay sober myself. Learning to receive help is a part of recovery IMHO.

Way to go on your 2+ months. That is great!
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Old 09-27-2009, 12:35 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi tiac

Yeah the boredom/apathy/complacency factor got me every time too...either that or I was sure that however much time I'd 'had off' had taught me control.

I eventually accepted the fact alcohol will always affect me the same way, and I will, sooner or later, end up in the same place I crawled out from.

Accepting that has saved me a lot of mental tussling with cravings, feelings, and vague wishes....I can't drink, and that's the bottom line.

As for being shy sober - I think the only way we can get through that is to get out there and do things - there must be many things you can with people that aren't based on drinking...there's a sticky in this forum on things to do sober...maybe that will start some ideas?

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Old 09-27-2009, 12:48 AM   #8 (permalink)
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whatever you do dont do it............ you dont want to have to go through a day 1 again
(as TheLadyb puts it) , festive season coming up, hang tight and have a plan... you can do it without alcohol.....
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Old 09-27-2009, 01:04 AM   #9 (permalink)
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PM me if you want to. i'll stay with you as long as it takes to help you stay clean & sober today.
Any clean addict is a miracle and keeping the miracle alive
is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender, and growth
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Old 09-27-2009, 07:22 AM   #10 (permalink)
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You're right, It's not as easy as I was hoping it would be. Getting used to living sober is not easy when you have been living "not sober" for so long. I have 100 days today and I am finding myself going back and forth and up and down about a lot of things.

Social events do kind of mess with me as I feel that I am constantly trying to learn about my new sober self. And it's hard when everybody else is so unpredictable. LOL It's a process. That's what I am realizing more and more each day.

I had anxiety, shyness, awkwardness, nervousness around my friends at first. It was because I wasn't my normal old drinking self. I have been MIA for awhile. I go out only when I know there is someting besides alcohol for entertainment.

I am finding that the more I get out and do things, the more I learn about myself and this new lifestyle I am living. I have finally learned that late night going out with my friends is not working right now. I'm OK with this.

I have been through a lot of guilt about always rejecting friends invitations, not going to certain parties, etc I'm over that now.

I'm available during the day and maybe for an early dinner, but parties, bars, etc ..... they just aren't what I want to be doing right now.

There is no way that I want to try to moderate. I've done it before and it doesn't work for me. It's normal to have cravings around 30, 60, 90 days. You are near the 90 day mark. Somebody mentioned earlier that it's like our bodies remember anniversaries easier than our minds. I agree with this. I had more intense cravings right before my 90 day mark.

Hang in there! Keep posting and letting us know how you're doing.
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Old 09-27-2009, 10:22 AM   #11 (permalink)
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You may find that you are still carrying around the baggage of the past and it's getting heavier without your emotional crutch, maybe it's time to get rid of it before you drink again? AA, SMART whatever...
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