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Old 09-26-2009, 06:48 AM   #1 (permalink)

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Low mood coming and going...

Hi, I havn't posted for a while as I've been going well in my sobriety and havn't needed the constant posting that I did in the early days. I am 80 days sober today.

I have just finsished my first 4weeks in a job and I can honestly say that if I didn't have the 2 solid months of sobriety before I started then I would have either drank or be an incredibly tormented dry-drunk resentfull that I cannot just get that drunken release from all the pressure/stress/targets and general corporate B*llshit which is so prevalent in a job like I am currently in.

I now have a lovely car which I have been driving for the past 2 weeks which I am loving owning and being able to drive again. Losing my driving license for 2 years for drink driving really sucked hard and my drinking/drugging binging and depression vicious cycle really kicked in hard after that.

I actually won a bottle of wine yesterday at work which was kind of amusing, I had no intentions of drinking it and took it home and gave it to my father. I don't think people totally believed me when I said I don't drink but I think many there are beginning to see that I mean what I say when I tell them I don't drink booze anymore. It's kind of funny listening to some of them talking about going out and getting drunk and how great it is as if I've never experienced it!!hahah, makes me smile, I have taken more drink and drugs than they've had hot dinners and then some!! If I was to take a drink then I wouldn't be going back to work again...haha But a place of 'work' called oblivion!!!

Anyway back to the title of the thread I definately used to like the immediate hit and release that nailing booze used to give me at the end of a day/week at work with people who I wouldn't choose to hang out with in normal life and that feeling of being out of control/reality was so completely different to the pretend b*llshit, small talk environemnt of work and people trying to climb up the greasy ladder. I am gratefull I am in work again now though as it is giving me a routine and paying for my car, cothes etc as well as making me my self-esteem better that I am not unemployed (man that was depressing going to that job centre every week)

I have my total love of Music back again and I have been playing a few gigs over the last month and have been thoroughly enjoying drinking Coca-Cola and not becoming a drunken fool. I am just looking to get back into a good band again now, I have a couple of offers on the table so that's all good and things are looking up in that respect.

I have to remember to take things One day at a time and not wish for everything instantly like booze gave me. It is also true what they say about gaining strength from pulling through low feelings and not taking a drink, you come out stronger everytime. I in noway have come close to drinking and don't even consider it a realistic option but I am aware when certain thinking patterns begin to get dangerous and hence why I have checked in on SR and written this! It is so easily to forget why you decided to commit to sobriety but I always remember that feeling in a low mood in sobriety is so much more bearable than the feeling I would have when the binge was wearing off and I was coming down, it scares me and fills me with anxiety just contemplating it!!

I guess in the whole I am gratefull to be sober, though obviously not going out and being able to mix socially and normally with women etcetc in pubs/clubs can be a little tedious but I know that I would just end up an agrssive, depressive drunken idiot if I did that anyway so like I say I know it ain't an option for me at present. I am a shy person an undoubtably used booze to give me intitial confidence when talking to women/new people but like I say I was just being remembereed as a F*ckhead anyway so I ain't missing anything there anyway.

Peace and Love xxx
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Old 09-26-2009, 07:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Neo Great share & an interesting read. I have been struggling with the highs & lows too lately. Have you ever tried meditation? I am in the process of learning about it & having some good results.

I just started reading another book called "Managing Your Mind" by Gillian Butler and Tony Hope - it covers a lot of different topics & I am confident that it will become another tool in my recovery box. It has gotten some very good reviews.

Great job on 80 days & it sounds like things are coming around nicely.

Take Care,

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"

Last edited by Dee74; 09-26-2009 at 02:30 PM. Reason: removed link to commercial site
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Old 09-26-2009, 07:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm glad things are going much better in your life and congratulations on your 80 days sober.

This is just a suggestion, but there are lots of ways to be social and to meet women, other than in pubs/bars. How about sports? Do you play softball or tennis? Or how about a volunteer activity? Since your job is stressful, maybe you would enjoy doing something in your community to help out, and also to meet people.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 09-26-2009, 07:45 AM   #4 (permalink)
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congrats on 80 days! *remember everybody is a bit different in how their recovery progress's.. make sure you remember that you are in the process of healing! and of coarse take it One day at a time.. keep it up! (also my A.A. sponsor helped me to *remember things sometimes i seemed to forget!)
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Old 09-26-2009, 07:51 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Congrats, Neo...keep it up!
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Old 09-26-2009, 08:39 AM   #6 (permalink)

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80 days is still pretty early....be gentle with yourself. Keep remembering what you have right now with sobriety.

It really does keep getting better.
Choices, Chances, Changes.
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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NEO, I LOVED reading that post of yours. Absolutely amazing and I am so proud for you that you have gotten to where you are at. If I could reach through this computer right now I would embrace you, a big hug!! I love reading posts like yours, it reminds me of why I'm here too. Thank you NEO and I'm happy for you. Congratulations!!! :ghug3
"When you're green, you grow, when you're ripe, you rot. Don't stop learning." ~ Unknown
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Old 09-26-2009, 11:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks for posting this Neo! It sounds like you are doing great! You really have some good things happening in your life!!
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Old 09-26-2009, 05:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
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i get it.
I'm suffering with a bout of mild depression at the moment.

comes on every few months i guess....had a nice few days with pals fishing.
and next day....wham.
it a medical condition with me........for which i made the decision not to medicate ...just me.

with me it has nothing to do with alcoholism.......i dont need to get depressed to get smashed.
i do stuff that helps ......excercise........pray/meditate..

the main thing i try to keep in the forefront of my mind is....it has an ending and it wont last forever.
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Old 09-26-2009, 05:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Sounds like your in a good place. Some really positive wonderful things happening for you. New Car!! I need one so bad. I just dont have the means as of yet.
Great job on 2 mos. Keep it up.
Dont just count your days...Make your days count!

It may not get easier, But it will get better.
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:48 PM   #11 (permalink)
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80 days is huge Neo

I think you're right about pulling through the low periods...it's important to remember everyone has low points - it's normal - the difference with us is we can't drink or use - we have to find other ways to deal with that, and it sounds like you're doing that

well done mate
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Old 09-26-2009, 10:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Well done on your progress ...
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

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Old 09-27-2009, 04:51 AM   #13 (permalink)

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Thanks for all of your comments. It truly is great that we have such a fantastic forum to be able to "share" what we are feeling and be safe in the knowledge that many other people can relate and understand what we are feeling on our "journey".

Thanks again for all the kind words and positive comments. They are much appreciated!

Peace and Love xxx
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