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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 6
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Hello brothers and sisters,
In 2001, I had become addicted to various nonprescribed medications. I didn't drink until a doctor told me that if I mixed alcohol with the medications I was abusing I could die. Well, with my typical addict thinking, I decided that such dire warnings were only issued to keep people from doing something that was REALLY fun. I added alcohol to the mix. I wasn't prescribed the medicines I was taking (uppers, downers, and sidewaysers) and I came to see that there would be no way I could steal enough of the medicines to eventually keep me from going into withdrawal so I entered a treatment program.
I loved my program. I developed a loving support system. I had a deep relationship with my higher power, such that I truly believed I was being heard when I prayed. I did my fifth step with my sponsor. Had a home group, did service work.
I won't describe how I left my meetings or lost my god, because all these things are excuses. But, over the years, I began occasionally having a drink or two or a hit of pot while on vacation. Now, I have recently gotten drunk at home by myself several times. What is odd is that I don't even really like the feeling. I am afraid that I will begin buying enough booze to wake up with a hangover which scares the crap out of me. It is a struggle NOT to buy the alcohol.
When I was in my treatment center, a dear companion in my journey did service work by giving away chips at a meeting. I went with her as a support and got my ninth month chip from her. She relapsed and suicided. I feel like I should have been able to remain sober in her memory, so that the chip she gave me continued to mean something. I hope that's not too maudlin for you all, but I am so sad.
kristin p.s. can't get spell check to work, pardon any misspellings.
In 2001, I had become addicted to various nonprescribed medications. I didn't drink until a doctor told me that if I mixed alcohol with the medications I was abusing I could die. Well, with my typical addict thinking, I decided that such dire warnings were only issued to keep people from doing something that was REALLY fun. I added alcohol to the mix. I wasn't prescribed the medicines I was taking (uppers, downers, and sidewaysers) and I came to see that there would be no way I could steal enough of the medicines to eventually keep me from going into withdrawal so I entered a treatment program.
I loved my program. I developed a loving support system. I had a deep relationship with my higher power, such that I truly believed I was being heard when I prayed. I did my fifth step with my sponsor. Had a home group, did service work.
I won't describe how I left my meetings or lost my god, because all these things are excuses. But, over the years, I began occasionally having a drink or two or a hit of pot while on vacation. Now, I have recently gotten drunk at home by myself several times. What is odd is that I don't even really like the feeling. I am afraid that I will begin buying enough booze to wake up with a hangover which scares the crap out of me. It is a struggle NOT to buy the alcohol.
When I was in my treatment center, a dear companion in my journey did service work by giving away chips at a meeting. I went with her as a support and got my ninth month chip from her. She relapsed and suicided. I feel like I should have been able to remain sober in her memory, so that the chip she gave me continued to mean something. I hope that's not too maudlin for you all, but I am so sad.
kristin p.s. can't get spell check to work, pardon any misspellings.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: WA Perth
Posts: 168
is there anyway you can go back to that program that you had so much success with?
you CAN get sober again you just have to reach out like you did before.. i am on day 5And iknow what you mean that it is a struggle to not even buy the stuff... I have it in my shed 50m away and i can tell you the struggle it takes to not walk down there and just crack one open,, but i wont because i dont want to live like that anymore, the pain endured to remain drunk is much much much worse than the intial pain it takes to remain sober.... hang in there and keep posting
you CAN get sober again you just have to reach out like you did before.. i am on day 5And iknow what you mean that it is a struggle to not even buy the stuff... I have it in my shed 50m away and i can tell you the struggle it takes to not walk down there and just crack one open,, but i wont because i dont want to live like that anymore, the pain endured to remain drunk is much much much worse than the intial pain it takes to remain sober.... hang in there and keep posting
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: WA Perth
Posts: 168
Also with it being a struggle not to buy the alcohol should be a red flag telling you that something is wrong, and if nothing changes within, a hangover will be just the beginning of you know what is to come.....
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR advena. My deepest condolances on your friend, a sad reminder of where alchol and drugs take the majority of us. Were you using AA, NA or both before?
I can tell you right now that neither fellowship shoots thier wounded, of course I am sure you already know that. We welcome our wounded back with open arms!!!
Call your sponsor, get back at what you know works....... If we work it!!!
Hon you know what it took to stay sober and happy, you know what you stopped doing that took you back out there.
There are a great many of us that can learn from your experience, you have the ability within you to save lifes, get back to the rooms, do what you need to do for you and share where you were, where you went and why. Let folks like me know that the next go around is actually worse then the first time.
Thank you for sharing your relapse, you know you never have to go there again unless you want to.
I can tell you right now that neither fellowship shoots thier wounded, of course I am sure you already know that. We welcome our wounded back with open arms!!!
Call your sponsor, get back at what you know works....... If we work it!!!
Hon you know what it took to stay sober and happy, you know what you stopped doing that took you back out there.
There are a great many of us that can learn from your experience, you have the ability within you to save lifes, get back to the rooms, do what you need to do for you and share where you were, where you went and why. Let folks like me know that the next go around is actually worse then the first time.
Thank you for sharing your relapse, you know you never have to go there again unless you want to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 6
Thanks to all who wrote with your support. I feel blessed. My sponsor gave me a book of religious/spiritual folktales. The moral of one of them was, that when you have lost god you look for him the last place you saw him. Thank you for reminding me that my higher power was in the rooms. I hope that makes sense.
Hugs to all of you, kristin
Hugs to all of you, kristin
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Kristin,
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.
This disease of addiction is truly horrible.
I'm glad that you found us and hope that you will find lots of support here as you continue your journey.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.
This disease of addiction is truly horrible.
I'm glad that you found us and hope that you will find lots of support here as you continue your journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 6
hello all, it's Advena (kristin). Tonight I went to a women's meeting. I wept during the lead because I was so overwhelmed. I got a temporary sponsor. I am meeting her for a noon meeting tomorrow. Your words of encouragement have meant so much and one of the reasons I didn't buy wine today was so that I could come back and share hope and gratitude.
with love and thanks, kristin
edit: so there's no confusion, In an earlier post I wrote my sponsor gave me a book I found helpful. She's moved out of state and through my own inaction, I no longer have contact. So, I needed a temporary sponsor. Maybe none of you were confused and I am projecting my own bafflement onto you!
with love and thanks, kristin
edit: so there's no confusion, In an earlier post I wrote my sponsor gave me a book I found helpful. She's moved out of state and through my own inaction, I no longer have contact. So, I needed a temporary sponsor. Maybe none of you were confused and I am projecting my own bafflement onto you!
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