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Old 09-25-2009, 08:16 AM   #21 (permalink)
is ☞ optimistic.
 
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Alcohol addiction is a hard one to treat. I know for myself I had to sit through a whole lot of suffering especially the mental onslaught of cravings in order to start my healing journey. Its good you have some were to go that will help you get a start in your recovery.
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Old 09-25-2009, 08:17 AM   #22 (permalink)
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don't want to die, I just don't want to live.
Damn bro!!!! I know exactly how that feels!!!

I remember sitting in my garage alone drunk and still drinking more just hating myself and my life, scared to die but so fricking tired of living the way I was living! My life had become a ever repeating loop..... wake up, fill the cooler with beer, go to work, work, pop top as soon as I left work kill 7-8 to drive home, stop and get more, sit in my garage drinking alone listening to the radio until I was blottoed, sometimes I could not get drunmk any more, I would just go to bed and pass out................. repeat!

Who the hell wants to live like that? I didn't, but I was scared of death as well!

I found a solution and you can to my friend.

You are there if you choose to be there!

If you want to get started man you need to let that doc know exactly what is up in your head, you know it would not hurt a thing to give the AA hotline a call. Who knows, perhaps a reincarnate of Dr. Bob will answer.

If you need a ride to detox or rehab call them, they can get you a ride.
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Old 09-25-2009, 08:45 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Thanks

I often question whether I'm an alcoholic or just crazy. It seems like an easy way out to just drink yourself to death.
Welcome!!!

Yeah, we crazy, but the cool thing is, a lot of the crazy just disappears after we sober up.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 09-25-2009, 12:48 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Hi biravatch - I'm so glad you found SR & came here for help & understanding. No one else in my life could know what I was going through. When I found this place I wasn't alone anymore and it made all the difference to me. All I'd been doing was bashing myself - filled with remorse and guilt. When I had it pointed out to me that I'd get nowhere with that attitude I changed the way I looked at my life & future.

Please don't give up on yourself. You say you don't want to die - I never did either. I just didn't want to live my life sober - or so I told myself at the time! I didn't even know if I could, after all the years I'd spent being numb. I had painted myself into a corner of misery. I knew I'd die if I didn't give it up, and I wasn't through with this world yet. It felt so strange to be sober in the beginning, I hardly knew how to react to anything. I had to learn all over again how to use my emotions & feelings in a positive way rather than reaching for a drink to calm me down.

I hope you'll continue to post and let us know how you are - if I could drag myself up out of hell after 25 yrs. you can too. We're with you.
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Old 09-25-2009, 03:08 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Old 09-25-2009, 03:45 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Welcome

The Salvation Army free has de tox facilities
in many areas. You could go there before
your VA appointment.

And many ER doctors know how to de tox you safely

Try this .....
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at
1-800-662-HELP
This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems


Hope you find your way back on rack...
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:32 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Well I went to the ER late Friday night...
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:44 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Well I went to the ER late Friday night...
good for you biravatch.. you can do it!
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Old 10-01-2009, 07:53 AM   #29 (permalink)
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I have the same feelings sometimes. I wonder am i really an alcoholic? or am i just so sick of all the crap i have put everyone through over the years--andwhat ive put myself through. But i can see one similarity in both options: alcohol. Whether im an alcoholic or not alcohol causes problems in my life that i dont like.
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Old 10-01-2009, 12:00 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Well I'm not sure why, but I ended up drinking right after getting out of the hospital. I had forgotten that they gave me a drug that makes you sick if you drink and I am not feeling well right now.

Anyways... I'm starting an outpatient program at the VA next week and am hitting AA all weekend.

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Old 10-01-2009, 01:11 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Well I'm not sure why, but I ended up drinking right after getting out of the hospital.
Because you like myself are an alcoholic. We do the same thing over and over expecting different results.

I use AA to stay sober, I'm glad to hear you will be going over the weekend. Stay strong and don't pick up the first drink, just for today. Then tomorrow, just don't drink one day at a time.

Good Luck. Keep us posted how you are doing. I will pray for your recovery.
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Old 10-01-2009, 02:10 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Hi biravatch

I'm glad you're going to the VA and hitting AA over the weekend. We really can change our lives with enough effort - good for you!

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Old 10-01-2009, 09:28 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Well I didn't drink today, but I feel like absolute death. At least I have a desire to live again. Wish me luck.
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Old 10-02-2009, 04:04 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Well I feel better at this point. Now I just need to make it through the weekend.
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Old 10-02-2009, 04:14 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Hitting meetings all weekend still sounds like a good plan, BV

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Old 10-04-2009, 04:14 PM   #36 (permalink)
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I'm with ya.. Day 3 for me... (2nd time trying..) You can do it!
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Old 10-05-2009, 04:55 AM   #37 (permalink)
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I'm with ya.. Day 3 for me... (2nd time trying..) You can do it!
Thanks

I'm a little shaky, but I feel good. How are you doing?
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Old 10-05-2009, 05:30 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Thanks

I'm a little shaky, but I feel good. How are you doing?
Feeling great. I'm out of the worst of it.. I just need to keep the memory of how bad I felt (physically and mentally) last week on my last bender... If I can do that I'll be sober for life. I don't want to feel like that anymore.

Keep a journal of your journey... And good luck !
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Old 10-05-2009, 05:38 AM   #39 (permalink)
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I understand the feeling of being afraid to live and afraid to die. But I also know I couldn't go on like I was and I didn't really want to die, I just wanted a decent life. Staying sober hasn't been easy but it's worth the effort.

I hope you get the help you need from the VA. :praying
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Old 10-05-2009, 06:00 AM   #40 (permalink)
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biravatch65 glad to hear you are sober, how many meetings have you been to? Get some numbers while you are there, there is nothing I like more then having a new comer or any one in AA call me, I have over 3 years sober and still call folks.
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