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Old 09-24-2009, 03:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Having a real struggle tonite.


Well, the battle came suddenly this afternoon. The past three days were no problem at all. Then about a half and hour ago the siege began. Not a slow, gradual desire, but a sudden, out of nowhere blast that took me to my knees. The voice inside told me, "What the hell, you're by yourself, know one will know. Come on, let's get toasted." And for a brief moment, i was surrendering. I entertained that thought and almost walked out the door to drive to the store. The store that just Monday I took my last 12 pack of beer I had stashed in the woods and gave it to the owner (who drinks) and told her I'm quitting. Now I was even coming up with excuses to why I was going to buy more beer from her. That my friends, is insanity. And the urge kept coming on hard and strong. I had to write to shake it. I have all the cards stacked against me at the moment, leaving me vulnerable. I am home alone, not a soul around that believes in sobriety ( I lost them years ago.) whom I can talk with. The only thing I have at this time is SR. I can not slip here, I have to fight it or I will be back where I was last week. At least I don't suffer the physical torment some do with abstinence. But the psychological struggle is intense tonight. I'm afraid the blight of L. Talbot is descending quickly. I need that friend to lock me in the room.

I realize that I am have assumed the role of madman again, I was hoping not to go there again so soon. Indeed, I am insane at the present, poisoned by the liquid I so disparately crave at the moment. If only there were someone sober with whom to sit and talk.

I believe I will fix a cup of tea and see if that helps.

I WILL NOT DRINK...not tonight. I promise you and most importantly, I promise myself. Keep me in your thoughts, I believe it is going to be a stormy night.

Padraic
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Keep posting and stay close to SR if that's all you have right now. You can get through this. Urges will pass no matter how strong they appear. Tea is a great idea. Me, I'm a coffee drinker and was just about to make myself a cup. See you have friends that have been down that road and have driven the same car. Get off the insanity road and relax with a cup of tea. Do you read books or like music? Anything to get your mind off it. I like to take walks myself. You can do it. Don't give up.
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Be strong, don't give in to this fu****! Just as you said, one night, thats all you have to win for now.
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I was thinking the same thing about keeping busy.

What are your hobbies?

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say playing the guitar.





And no, I am no shaman or mind reader
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Water is boiling and, Borracho, I am playing my guitar. She's been by my side for years. Through the good and the bad.
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:20 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Do you write songs as well?

I am just curious because I have no musical talent and can barely play the radio on a good day.

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Old 09-24-2009, 03:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
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nice to meet you padraic.the last time i had a drink (6th of feb) just 3 days before that i had been on a train journey for most of the day.it was one of the worst days of my life.i had cravings like i have never had before.i had been in AA amonth and it just came out of the blue.it was evil,i was down to 10 seconds a time at some point.and it went away at the end of the night,but lo and behold 3 days later i picked up.i only drank for 12 hours,for a chronic alcoholic of my type that is a miracle.i didnt want it to happen again,so i got a sponsor very quickly and got on the 12 step recovery programme of alcoholics annonymous.since that day nearly 8 months ago i have never had a craving.i barely think about alcohol,if i so it is fleeting.AA is not for everyone,just thought i would share my experience with you.i wish you well.
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Playing my guitar and SR got me through many a long night Padraic - more power to you.
Keep posting, mate

D
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Keep coming back.

Guitar and music as a recovery tool... hey... I LIKE that idea.
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Borracho, funny you should ask, I write a few now and then, and I was working on one just now. Last one was called "Come, take me now" and is about struggling with alcohol. I wrote it when I was drinking. Nothing like a good paradox, I always say.
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
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What style do you write in? Kinda country or bluesy or what?
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I agree..Stay close. As long as you have to.
I think it took alot of courage to come here and tell us this.
So if you can do that. I know you can make it through this feeling. And thats all it is..A feeling. Feelings change all the time.
So just stick with us for now and drink that hot tea. Which sounds good by the way. I think I will get me some after my shower.
Hang in there.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:07 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Definitely blues, a little delta, mainly R.J., B.B.K., E.C., A.K. Then I like to throw in a bit of Neil Young, CSNY, L. Cohen, Dylan, John Prine, etc., etc.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:17 PM   #14 (permalink)
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mmm sounds nice. You know, I haven't heard any good blues in a long time. In fact, I can't even remember. How did you get started in music?
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:24 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi Padraic,

It does sound nice. Music got me through many difficult times, too.

I'm glad you came here to post and I'm glad that you are getting through the evening.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Mariechi, I started when I was about 14 or 15. Was a "rock star" (as I thought) for several years then went to blues and acoustic music when I hit around 35. Still like to scare the dog and cats with my Les Paul cranked up to about 10. I only do that when no one else is around. Hey, wait, no one is here! Woo hoo! Tape the windows, Paddy's gonna rock tonite!
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:50 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I am glad that you are staying close this evening and keeping busy doing something that you like. You can do this. You've got plenty of support here.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:55 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I love love love music myself. Cant play much past a few easy songs on keyboard and some basic beats on the drums tho.
But I totally live and breathe listening to it.
I think you got a great outlet there. Great way to get away in your mind and experess yourself.
Oh..Got my hot tea as we speak. Great idea. Out of honey tho. But its still good.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:59 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Music's a good idea, CR.


You know it will pass. Hang in there.
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Old 09-24-2009, 05:17 PM   #20 (permalink)
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GO PADDY GO -- WU HOOOOOOOOO
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