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Old 09-24-2009, 09:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I just found this site today. I'm 47, divorced (ex is still a great friend), have two great children, and a wonderful loving fun gf. I'm in a good profession and do my job well.

But I drink. I love to drink as well. I don't really like the taste....I love what it does to me. My father who is 82 has drunk every day of his life and is still a blacksmith. Around 2 to 4 scotches a day. In his 30's and 40's more. So I suppose it is in the genes. I drink a bottle and a quarter of red wine a day. I never want the 12 or 12.5% wines, I check the label here in the UK to make sure it is 13 or more. I will drink around two bottles when out socialising.

My health is suffering, muscular aches and pains in ribs, arms, back...acid reflux (thank goodness of gaviscon!! - its amazing how the mind works..."shopping list - 1 big bottle and one small bottle of wine....oh and one bottle of gaviscon!! What a contradiction!) intermitent tenderness on right side...,light headedness, occasional nausea, digestive problems...certainly at one end!!!! lethargy - a general feeling of being poisoned is how I can describe it. None of my work colleagues would know I had this problem. I'm what I believe they call a functioning alcoholic. I love the feeling alcohol gives me....but hate what it is doing to my body and my life. I can't imagine a life without it....but know that is what it will have to be. I can't have one...that doesn't get me to the place I like and love. My body screams at me when I have that first glass, often having to go to the loo, a classic sign of the body saying poison, poison alert!!

Anyway....sharing this with you all is my first step. I admit I'm an alcoholic to myself...but not to others. Except you now that is. Wish me luck.....and I really will come back daily to read others efforts and successes, advice, support but most of all....understanding. Only an alcoholic knows what an insidious, manipulating lonely disease this really is......I feel scared about the future....but I believe fear is a good emotion in beginning to deal with a very difficult problem.

For those of you who have succeeded in riding yourselves of this horrific addiction....bless you. You give those of us who want to start the journey enormous encouragement and belief. I hope I become as successful as you...

seanx
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome!!!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Good on you Sean. I too have made a conscious decision to stop drinking. (I've said it a time or two before though)

Feeling pretty similar to what you're feeling. I guess kind of uncertain about what I can expect down the road.

Let's get it done.
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
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welcome sean....a lot of us have been through those very same physical symptoms. they're one of the reasons i'm quitting now. good luck to you my brutha.

borracho.....absolutely love your name. i couldn't stop laughing. not laughing at you by any means....just how you can capture it all in one word.
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:01 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks so much...I'm with you. Goodness, usually a doctor diagnoses a disease....self diagnosis is so scary...!!!!
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Sean - this is a great place to learn about addiction. No one needs to be a slave to alcohol. More people than we realise suffer from alcoholism it's just that we somehow think we are so few and uniquely affected by the disease. We struggle for sobriety, some more than others, and I am a struggler frequently failing - but without this site I would probably have given in by now. Keep posting.
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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welcome sean....a lot of us have been through those very same physical symptoms. they're one of the reasons i'm quitting now. good luck to you my brutha.

borracho.....absolutely love your name. i couldn't stop laughing. not laughing at you by any means....just how you can capture it all in one word.
Thanks Fallen. It's so appropriate it's sad.

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Old 09-24-2009, 11:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
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like i said borracho...i wan't laughing at you. and you can't get any lower than my name. i picked it because that is what alcohol did to me. maybe someday i can change it and the avatar to something more positive but right now it's a great reminder to keep me humble.
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Old 09-24-2009, 11:33 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Old 09-24-2009, 11:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
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thanks smacked...was beginning this thread was for other people...
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Old 09-24-2009, 11:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
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thanks smacked...was beginning this thread was for other people...
Hi Crisean:ghug3 We've read each other's threads. Mine was wine, too. Consumption, similar. There is a lot in common in our stories. The day I blew it and had to come face to face with my alcoholism was terrifying and maybe the best day of my life. This past week I've been on this site, read, talked, learned. I am going to keep checking in on this thread. I think I would like to say more, but not in a vacuum of my own ramble.

Till a bit later
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Old 09-24-2009, 12:46 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome Crisean! I recently joined also. My nightly consumption was about like yours - 1 to 1 1/2 bottles of wine on work nights, 2 (and maybe more) if I didn't have to work the next day. I've known for years I've had to quit but it's the physical payback for years of abusing my body that has finally scared me into accepting I need to give it up forever. My blood pressure has become extremely high, especially when I am NOT drinking....so something is not right there. It's called abusing my body!! I've come clean with my Dr. and husband and joined this site, so I'm making the necessary steps to let the alcohol go. Good luck as you begin this journey!
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Old 09-24-2009, 12:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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welcome to SR

and the best support a person who wants to stop drinking can get
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:15 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, lots of support here
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:23 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hi Crisean

You're in the right place, mate.

I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted for a long time - I didn't like being drunk anymore but I didn't want to be sober either. The people here helped me to a decision and helped me see life wouldn't end if I stopped - quite the contrary

I hope we all can help you too

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Old 09-24-2009, 02:47 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I really love this site. I read other people's stories and find my own. If I have a thought, I'll post it. Whether it resonates or not is okay. They're just thoughts. And I try not to assume that I know much.

I'm lucky to have the strong support of those around me. My fiance is willing to give up his occasional beer to not drink with me. The beer doesn't mean anything to him. I have a friend who knocks herself out to be available for me. It's making my journey much easier. I highly recommend getting the folks in your life on board for your recovery or adding folks who will be.

Good on you for deciding to make this journey into sobriety.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:47 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Welcome Sean,

I'm so glad you found us. I sighed when I read your post, because I used to shop for wine based on the alcohol content too. It sounds like you know that you need to stop drinking and we can offer lots of support. I think it's normal to fear living without alcohol. The disease does that to us. It makes us believe that we can't live without it, and yet the opposite is true, because we will die if we continue to drink.
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