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Old 09-24-2009, 08:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Final Day1


Hello,

I have been a lurker on this site for a few years now after having found these forums back in 2007. Back then I came to the conclusion that I was/am an alcoholic. Aside from 1 stretch of sobriety (not recovery) for a few months my drinking has progressed steadily.

Yesterday was my final day 1, of this I am sure. It is not a matter of this time being different, me being more determined, or coming to some revelation. I simply do not have another day 1 left in me. This can end 2 ways for me: recovery or insanity/death.

Drinking for me has turned into a vicious cycle. As my alcoholism has progressed I have found that the more I drink the more I become self-destructive. I begin thinking in ways, and more frighteningly Ė acting in ways that actively try to bring down all the good parts of my life. I donít understand it, CANíT understand it as there is no rational thinking going on. I do know that when I get stuck in this cycle I have an actual desire to break what is working in my life. Worse, the easiest way to break what is working is to drink more. I donít know if the drinking caused the self-destructive thoughts or if it was the other way around, but it doesnít matter because either way amounts to the same result.

I have learned so much from these boards over the past 2 years. The alcoholism and F&F discussions have really taught me a lot about myself and others in my life. I know what I need to do, I know where to find help, and I am doing those things. Yesterday I threw in the towel when I saw that I was fighting an unwinnable battle against myself. Today Iím choosing to play a different game altogether and tomorrow will be dealt with when it comes.

Hello SR! Iíve gotten to know many of you over the last couple years, now Iíd like to let you all get to know me.
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:56 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I wish you the best of luck! It may be hard but not impossible. Stay Positive and God Bless.
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, glad you've finally stopped lurking and taken the plunge
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Good for you, mate !!
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Old 09-24-2009, 11:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Make it happen!

Keep coming back.
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Old 09-24-2009, 11:37 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome Spur to SR - I sure can relate to the destructive thought process caused by drinking. And yes, it beats you down without mercy this addiction. Keep posting.
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Old 09-24-2009, 11:42 AM   #7 (permalink)
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welcome!! you can do this. when you feel like drinking, remember this post and how you have felt in the last few days of your drinking. play the tape through to the end, dont stop and linger on the good time in drinking. you can do this.:praying
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome Spur

I remember the place you describe very well - drinking was simply no longer a viable option.
Things got better from there

Good to have you aboard - and posting!

D
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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welcome What more can I say??
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Sorry, wrong welcome guy. Couldn't find right welcome guy
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One foot in front of the other; one step at a time

"Anne stopped drinking and never looked back."
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi Spur,

I'm so glad that you have posted tonight, after reading here for so long.

I know how horrible the vicious cycle is and how it can be so hard to get out of. But, you can do it. You have come here and posted, and that is a great first step.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thank you all for the welcome! Its funny to see posts directed at me after years of reading the welcomes of others. I have always been amazed at the amount of support to be had here.

So far I've had a fantastic day 2. The emotion I've been surrounded with today is relief. It is so exhausting obsessing, planning for, and anticipating the next drink. I truly feel now that that is no longer an option for me and all of a sudden theres just this clear spot in my mind where only 2 days ago was an endless whisper.

I do know that at some point down the road it won't be so easy. I also know its my job to get myself into a position to ensure I will remain on the right path when that time comes. But for tonight I am at peace and I have a sober morning to look forward to tomorrow!

Again, thank you all so much, I'm very glad to meet you all!
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Old 09-24-2009, 05:04 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Oh Spur, I can SO relate to the relief.

I was absolutely exhausted in my attempts to keep drinking and keep everyone from finding out. I was constantly going over what had happened, who had noticed, who had I called. When I finally stopped drinking, the relief was profound. And, focusing on the moment as you are, is the way to begin recovery.
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Old 09-24-2009, 05:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Sobriety is simple, not easy, but worth the effort. Think of all the money you'll save and the lies you won't have to tell or remember and the damage you won't cause. Welcome to SR! YOu've come to the right place and I'm glad you joined the family!
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Old 09-24-2009, 05:56 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome Spur and congrats on day 2! Here's looking at day 3!
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