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Old 09-23-2009, 08:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Drove by the bar 3 times


I'm alone in a strange town, and have tried to find some AA meetings by going online. Last night I thought I found a place, but it was just a deserted street. Today, I drove to where I thought there was a meeting place, and even asked a guy in the parking lot if meetings took place here. He told me to look in Self Help in the newspaper. Now that I think about it, that's ridiculous, but that's what I did, and of course no meeting listings. So, because I'm here taking care of my mother, I couldn't just drive around all day looking for meetings. Then, I started having this fantasy that I would go to this bar--it's a biker bar. I would sit at the bar and I would ask if anyone was a friend of Bill W. I would look for the bumper sticker with the AA triangle and circle symbol, and find the owner of the bike, and we would strike up a conversation. In my fantasy I would belly up to the bar and order a seltzer. I would talk about how rough it's been the past week, and about watering down my stepfather's vodka. Well, when I finished with my mom today, I drove by that bar 3 times, really slowly, and couldn't bring myself to go in there. I desperately wanted some company other than my ailing mother and invalid stepfather. I seriously thought I would find a non-drinking buddy at the bar...but as I drove by, the laughter and noise told me this is a place where the main activity is drinking. I know that hungry, angry, tired, lonely are bad states to be in. I was definitely lonely. I wasn't fantasizing about drinking, but I know people here say if you spend enough time in the barber shop you'll eventually get a haircut. I never did spend time in bars when I was drinking...but somehow this bar was calling me. I think it was really my social anxiety that kept me from going in there. I kept thinking, "where would I sit?" "who would I talk to?" "would I really say, 'are you a friend of Bill W?'" I'm glad I kept driving. I'm definitely feeling anxious and in need of talking to others who are simpatico.
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Old 09-23-2009, 08:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Well done on not stopping! I can understand the lonely thing and it can be very hard to get the thoughts out of your mind.
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Old 09-23-2009, 08:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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That's amazing! My home group meets at a biker bar, and we all have those stickers on our bikes!

(Just going for a little humor for levity in light of your rough week. Editing this post b/c I realized it might have come off wrong...)

I do understand the feeling.

Last edited by chrisinaustin; 09-23-2009 at 09:12 PM.
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Old 09-23-2009, 09:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm alone in a strange town, and have tried to find some AA meetings by going online. Last night I thought I found a place, but it was just a deserted street. Today, I drove to where I thought there was a meeting place, and even asked a guy in the parking lot if meetings took place here. He told me to look in Self Help in the newspaper. Now that I think about it, that's ridiculous, but that's what I did, and of course no meeting listings. So, because I'm here taking care of my mother, I couldn't just drive around all day looking for meetings. Then, I started having this fantasy that I would go to this bar--it's a biker bar. I would sit at the bar and I would ask if anyone was a friend of Bill W. I would look for the bumper sticker with the AA triangle and circle symbol, and find the owner of the bike, and we would strike up a conversation. In my fantasy I would belly up to the bar and order a seltzer. I would talk about how rough it's been the past week, and about watering down my stepfather's vodka. Well, when I finished with my mom today, I drove by that bar 3 times, really slowly, and couldn't bring myself to go in there. I desperately wanted some company other than my ailing mother and invalid stepfather. I seriously thought I would find a non-drinking buddy at the bar...but as I drove by, the laughter and noise told me this is a place where the main activity is drinking. I know that hungry, angry, tired, lonely are bad states to be in. I was definitely lonely. I wasn't fantasizing about drinking, but I know people here say if you spend enough time in the barber shop you'll eventually get a haircut. I never did spend time in bars when I was drinking...but somehow this bar was calling me. I think it was really my social anxiety that kept me from going in there. I kept thinking, "where would I sit?" "who would I talk to?" "would I really say, 'are you a friend of Bill W?'" I'm glad I kept driving. I'm definitely feeling anxious and in need of talking to others who are simpatico.
Strong move, pulling a similar one now.
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Old 09-23-2009, 09:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
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well done ginger
The fantasies are often the hardest to talk down, so you really nailed it.

I'm pretty sure if you google AA and your area you'll find a meetings site somewhere.

D
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Old 09-23-2009, 09:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
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How long have you been sober? For me, the first 3 months or so were filled with vivid dreams of all sort. I just attributed it to my brain starting to function properly again.

The vivid dreams subsided over time but I believe it is fairly common. Was this a fantasy or dream?
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Old 09-24-2009, 02:04 AM   #7 (permalink)
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wow good on you, thats awesome...
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Old 09-24-2009, 02:44 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Well done Ginger
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:12 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Ginger self help was what kept me drunk for many a year!!! LOL I just kept helping myself to another beer!!!

Grab the phone book and turn to the "A" section in the White pages, you should find the AA hot line where you are at.

If you do not find it there PM me what town and state you are in and I will get you at least one number to call and find a meeting or 3!
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Old 09-24-2009, 05:51 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Ginger,

Look Up AA on the computer or call the local AA chapter, can be found in the Yellow pages and White Pages.

Love your story though, and I wanted to tell you that taking care of your parents is EXTREMELY stressful and could be leading to you wanting to have a drink. And of course being lonely. If you can access these boards you can google AA, you will find plenty of people to help you out both here and at a local AA meeting.

Good Luck
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Old 09-24-2009, 06:03 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Well done, Ginger!
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:17 PM   #12 (permalink)
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How long have you been sober? For me, the first 3 months or so were filled with vivid dreams of all sort. I just attributed it to my brain starting to function properly again.

The vivid dreams subsided over time but I believe it is fairly common. Was this a fantasy or dream?
The biker bar is real. My fantasy was going in there seeking companionship of the Bill W kind. Kind of like going to the hardware store to buy oranges. Going to the bar to talk to non-drinking alcoholics. It happens, but I think it's probably a dangerous way to try to get the fellowship of other non-drinkers. I've been sober 7 months.
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:20 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by chrisinaustin View Post
That's amazing! My home group meets at a biker bar, and we all have those stickers on our bikes!

(Just going for a little humor for levity in light of your rough week. Editing this post b/c I realized it might have come off wrong...)

I do understand the feeling.
Always appreciate a little humor! If I couldn't laugh I couldn't get through this. There have been some moments of joy in the midst of this sadness.

I think biker bars are cool, not because of the bar, but because I like bikes. I learned about the stickers from another AA friend, and now I know to look for them. It's kind of like when you learn the secret Shriners handshake or something.
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Old 09-25-2009, 06:05 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Ginger! I know exactly what you mean. I'm looking after my sick husband who doesn't want to know about my problem. He keeps drink in the house and yes I have watered it down before. I'm alone in this country, my children live in another and non-alcoholics just don't really cut it for support and understanding the way other alcoholics do. Please don't keep driving by the bar, it's temptation you don't need. Until you find a meeting stay on this site. Oh and congrats on the 7 months. I'm only just starting over again.
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Old 09-25-2009, 09:52 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Just adding my kudos. You know alcohol doesn't work and you passed it by.
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Old 09-25-2009, 09:55 AM   #16 (permalink)
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good job!!! be careful with that. if you go to the barber shop often enough, your gonna get a haircut, same applies here with the bar...... just a thought. keep it up!!
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