mariechi

I'm a newcomer to this type of community. I don't know a forum from a blog or what thread I'm in or a chat room. Do you wander in and join the conversation? By the time I figured out how to "talk," everybody had left. I wasn't sure if I'd interrupted.

I wandered around the site yesterday, built a profile, tried to get my bearings a little. I joined a thread! My profile has a place for friends. I don't know how to meet people in this environment.

A week ago Monday I went to work drunk. It wasn't my intention. I have probably lost my livelihood. I don't blame them. When asked why I did that, I said I didn't know what I was doing. On some level I must have, but many times, I don't realize I'm drunk. I've spent many years as a "functional" alcoholic with many strategies on controlling my drinking.

I can't control my drinking. I've spent the last week looking for insights on how I got here, looking for education on my condition. I've been very ignorant. There's information, conflicting information, misinformation. I've been building strategies on how to never drink again. For whatever combination of reasons, I cannot handle alcohol and never will be able to.

I'm going to the detox center as soon as they have a bed. Hopefully, it will be Tuesday. I'm staying sober, and not having a problem so far. That's one of my patterns is the ability to easily stay sober for a number of days. Then I'll lose a few days to drink. I'm afraid the DTs will hit me while I'm here alone. You know, until I started serious reading this week, I didn't know alcohol was in part a physical addiction with withdrawal. Duh...

So any guidance anyone can give me on being a member of this community will be great. I just don't know if I'll be able to find it.

Thanks

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

Kez

well ive only been here a few days and just as lost as you as to where to go and how to get involved,, but your in the right place im on day 3 on being sober, but there are many more people here that are alot wiser, brighter and sober than me that can give you lot sand lots of great info and help....... hang in there

tommyk

Keep coming back here.

SERIOUSLY make an effort to meet some PEOPLE in AA (no matter what you've heard, no matter what you think of AA... meet the PEOPLE... they're just like you).

Rest assured that you are NOT alone.

Sikkisirus

Welcome to SR and congratulations on starting your first thread :day6

Hilltopper1972

Welcome, you sound a lot like me. I go to the gym regularly and can quit for a few days quite easily, then after I'm feeling good I decide to drink again. Last night was a big one, drove drunk to get cigs and wine, woke up on the couch. Left TV on, door open, lights on. Total idiot. Didn't go open up the office, reps waiting outside, my partner annoyed because I got wasted. I've quit so many times and I'm tired of quitting. I keep coming back to the conclusion that I simply can't have 2 glasses. Its just not in the cards for me personally. Geez I feel like hell.

mariechi

Hilltopper, yep my story. No, my friend, for whatever reason, we cannot drink any alcohol, not know, not ever. I have to believe, though, that every day will not be hell, craving that drink. Thank you for your post

smacked

Welcome, and the further you get into your recovery, I promise every day is nothing like hell!

You may want your doctor to know that you're detoxing alone to see if he/she has any advice, til you get to detox.

What is your plan after detox?

laurie6781

If you feel the least little bit 'off' please go to University Medical Center (formerly Thomason Hospital) ER IMMEDIATELY. They will take care of you and get you into detox.

Yes, I am in Las Cruces, and have worked with 'wet ones' many times in El Paso. We always used Thomason. Nothing has changed but the name, now that UTEP has a medical school, Thomason has become University Medical Center.

There is no reason to try detoxing on your own, that is way too dangerous.

Once the worst of the 'toxins' are out of your system will be time enough to start researching recovery programs and decide which one you would like to try.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

mariechi

Thanks Smacked,

I don't have a doctor, haven't for years. What I did last Saturday when I was afraid I was going into detox was call a friend who knows what's going on with me. I told him I was probably using poor judgment, I was not asking his permission, and he was not accountable. I bought a single-serving bottle of bourbon (never liked bourbon though I'm sure the little monster could acquire the taste). I drank it at the kitchen sink. I called him the next morning to tell him I had done exactly as I said I would. It was my way of holding myself accountable. It "worked" Whether I was going into detox or not, it calmed my terror. I have had nothing since then. When I say it "worked," it was a strategy to stave off detox, not a way to manage my drinking.

I don't know what detox will be like for me. Reading about it is very frightening. It may be nothing more than rough, not life-threatening.

This is a state-run program. They will assess me and guide me to the next step.

Thanks

Dee74

Hi Mariechi

Welcome to SR. It all seems bewildering at first but you'll soon find your way around.
I found the best way was to just dive right in.

I'm glad you're taking steps to deal with this.
Lauries advice about the local ER is great.

Keep posting - hope to see you around
D

Wolfchild

Carrie36

mariechi

Thanks to all of you I am finding my way around and am on my way.

Borracho

Hi Mariechi, thanks for sharing. I'm kind of in the same boat, just a little further back.

I haven't considered going to a detox center, but I may reconsider after reading the frightening tales of the DT's.

Unfortunately, no health coverage and the wallet has been thinned down over the last year or so.

Wolf00

You can do it man, dude alcohol withdrawal is a bitch, nothing like waking up with your heart pounding out of your chest, feelings of doom, shame etc.

Set goals man.

Borracho

I didn't want to hear that.

Wolf00

The truth? You gotta face the facts, recognize - then eliminate. Then fight. I'm working right now with serious DTs.

crisean

no...we know the truth...its the way you support someone knowing the truth

Borracho

I know the truth, I'm just a little skeered of the DT's. I also know quitting is a bitch, but it is possible.



Hang in there Wolf, you (we) will be better in the end. Hopefully the DT's will be gone before you know it.