| gingernyc | 09-22-2009 07:04 PM |
7 months and forgot to celebrate!!
I am currently out of town helping my mother who was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, who has in the course of a month become completely home-bound and nearly incapable of getting up from a chair. I looked all over for meetings tonight, and even drove to what I thought was a meeting location, turned out it wasn't. It's so confusing and complicated with everything that is going on--being in a strange town, helping her with her dogs, and helping my stepfather who is also an alcoholic and disabled. I really did want to go to a meeting tonight.
It was just today that I realized my 7-month mark was 3 days ago September 19th. I guess this is a sign that life is a little hectic right now. Also a sign that not drinking isn't my sole focus anymore.
I haven't told my Mom that I'm in AA and that I have stopped drinking. In her mind, I'm sure she would never have thought I had a problem with alcohol. She rarely saw me drink, as I was a secret drinker who could always seem to keep things "relatively" in control.
Anyway, it's an insane situation at her house, and because she is home bound, and to keep my step dad from the DT's I have to buy him vodka, which my mother then waters down--or in this most recent instance, because she is incapable, I water it down. I was so angry about this. I went to the liquor store and bought him booze and cigs and spent nearly $50. I felt like I was essentially saying, "Here. Here's some poison." Then, because there were no spare vodka bottles for the watering down process--because he had thrown them in the trash, I had to go digging in the disgusting trash to find the bottles and then wash them and then proceed with the watering down. I was never tempted to drink anything, I was completely disgusted by the entire thing. I'm angry about being in this situation with the whole vodka purchasing and watering down madness, about my mother's illness, and just needed to vent. Absolute insanity.
On another note, I'm grateful I'm sober and can really be here for my mother, and not be looking at the clock wondering when I can get back to my hotel to my chilled bottle of wine. I'm grateful that my moods are relatively stable because I'm not jonesin' by about 8:00 PM, or feeling guilty and remorseful every morning.
Just wanted to share. 7 months! I can't believe I'm on the other side of 6 months. Before I know it it will be a year... | 