vaca7

Hi all I am new to the forum. I'm joining because I just started dating someone who has a problem with substance abuse. He is an alcoholic and abuser of vicodin. He drinks nearly 12 beers a night. I'm not 100% sure of how often he uses the vicodin but there are days i can definitely tell.

When we first met only 3 months ago I didn't realize what a problem it was. I knew he had been through some hard times, and as I got to know him and care for him, I started to also see his usage more clearly. When I confronted him he seemed proud of the fact that he is a functioning addict.

He will admit there is a problem, and I told him this is something that will need to be resolved and stopped if we are to work. I'm trying to be patient but it's getting blury as our relationship growing and we're getting closer.

In the last year he was layed off, now in debt, and oh yeah, his father is dying of cancer. I helped get him a job and I'm doing my best to turn his life in the right direction but I don't know how much I can handle - as selfish as that is.

I've read some posts and it seems like a lot of people have so much insight. I want to be supportive of him and would like any advice in how to approach him and perhaps ways (aside from rehab at this time) to help slow his usage down. Anything would help. I remain hopeful as I continue to read all of your own stories I look forward to getting to know you.

pinpoint

That was me about 85% of my using time-vicodin and alcohol. Does he get it from a doc or the streets? If it's from a doc, is it legitimate or did he "doctor shop" until he found a doc who would give them to him? In my experience, these things would have helped the person trying to help me.
Does he know that alcohol is a drug and that adding that on top of an opiate could lead to possible breathing difficulties, even cessation of breath? Does he do anything about getting help-or is he like I was- knowing I had a problem but knowing that "pills" weren't hard smack. Not to mention that hey, everybody drinks. This is denial- if he has it, he has to come out of it. I won't bore you with drug interactions and how tolerance might lead to him stealing his father's harder (I'm positive) opiates in seeking a less expensive high and a more potent one. Danger on the horizon, but keep coming back.

chrisinaustin

Welcome... one question: Has he stated straight-up that he is an addict/alcoholic?

Sikkisirus

Welcome to SR :day6

soberat23

thankyou for your post. the one thing that i want to tell you, is that there is no way that you can get him to stop. he has to hit a bottom and then admit that he has a problem. you can support him, but you cant cross that that and start enabling him. its a very thin line. ive seen drug addiction, mainly with pills (vicodin) tear my family apart including myself. i was a "functioning" addict for a while i guess, but eventually it got bad, very bad and human power, and no amout of love could get me sober. im just telling you this so that you have a better understanding of this. i suggest trying al anon.

palmbayflorida

What he may not know or care to know is that eventually the 12 pack a day and the pills are going to escalate. He will want to get higher or achieve that level he used to experiment with but now his quantities will be elevated. This is a problem that needs to be addressed before it gets out of his control. Is he willing to seek help?

vaca7

Thanks so much I appreciate the feedback already! Right now he's getting it from people he knows. He's so intelligent, but as i stated earlier it's like he prides himself on the fact that at this point he's a functioning addict.

When I realized he was drinking during the week like this and noticed the speed every night at which he drinks i told him that it worried me. He hasn't stated he's an alocholic/drug addict - he admits "it's" a problem.

His other denial is that vicodin isn't a "drug".

Did those of you who went through this and recovered - whether it was you or someone you knew - go through rehab or a program? What would you want those around you to do/say looking back?

holdfold

Howdy... the key is to get to realize it is a problem... for all the goodwill and care you have for him, it won't help until he surrenders to the fact he has a problem and is actively looking to change that. Sorry to be harsh but, it has to start with him admitting the issue so get the buy-in for getting clean. There is much support here, don't forget to ask for yourself as well.

Anna

As others have said, he needs to decide that he has a problem (including that vicoden is a drug) and that he wants help and then to seek help for himself.

I hope that you will try AlAnon as a support for yourself.

Also there are two forums on this message board for Friends and Families where you will find support and information.

yeahgr8

I would want anyone who cared for me to get the hell away from me and stop enabling me so i could hit my emotional bottom and start to do something about my problem...I would say i'll look you up after i´ve been sober a year...hindsight is a great thing;-)

Dee74

welcome to SR Vaca7

I think Annas advice is great - remember to take care of yourself - do look into AlAnon and the two F and F forums here

D

vaca7

Thanks so much for the information... i will def look into the friends and family forums...