Final Day1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: New England
Posts: 5
Final Day1
Hello,
I have been a lurker on this site for a few years now after having found these forums back in 2007. Back then I came to the conclusion that I was/am an alcoholic. Aside from 1 stretch of sobriety (not recovery) for a few months my drinking has progressed steadily.
Yesterday was my final day 1, of this I am sure. It is not a matter of this time being different, me being more determined, or coming to some revelation. I simply do not have another day 1 left in me. This can end 2 ways for me: recovery or insanity/death.
Drinking for me has turned into a vicious cycle. As my alcoholism has progressed I have found that the more I drink the more I become self-destructive. I begin thinking in ways, and more frighteningly – acting in ways that actively try to bring down all the good parts of my life. I don’t understand it, CAN’T understand it as there is no rational thinking going on. I do know that when I get stuck in this cycle I have an actual desire to break what is working in my life. Worse, the easiest way to break what is working is to drink more. I don’t know if the drinking caused the self-destructive thoughts or if it was the other way around, but it doesn’t matter because either way amounts to the same result.
I have learned so much from these boards over the past 2 years. The alcoholism and F&F discussions have really taught me a lot about myself and others in my life. I know what I need to do, I know where to find help, and I am doing those things. Yesterday I threw in the towel when I saw that I was fighting an unwinnable battle against myself. Today I’m choosing to play a different game altogether and tomorrow will be dealt with when it comes.
Hello SR! I’ve gotten to know many of you over the last couple years, now I’d like to let you all get to know me.
I have been a lurker on this site for a few years now after having found these forums back in 2007. Back then I came to the conclusion that I was/am an alcoholic. Aside from 1 stretch of sobriety (not recovery) for a few months my drinking has progressed steadily.
Yesterday was my final day 1, of this I am sure. It is not a matter of this time being different, me being more determined, or coming to some revelation. I simply do not have another day 1 left in me. This can end 2 ways for me: recovery or insanity/death.
Drinking for me has turned into a vicious cycle. As my alcoholism has progressed I have found that the more I drink the more I become self-destructive. I begin thinking in ways, and more frighteningly – acting in ways that actively try to bring down all the good parts of my life. I don’t understand it, CAN’T understand it as there is no rational thinking going on. I do know that when I get stuck in this cycle I have an actual desire to break what is working in my life. Worse, the easiest way to break what is working is to drink more. I don’t know if the drinking caused the self-destructive thoughts or if it was the other way around, but it doesn’t matter because either way amounts to the same result.
I have learned so much from these boards over the past 2 years. The alcoholism and F&F discussions have really taught me a lot about myself and others in my life. I know what I need to do, I know where to find help, and I am doing those things. Yesterday I threw in the towel when I saw that I was fighting an unwinnable battle against myself. Today I’m choosing to play a different game altogether and tomorrow will be dealt with when it comes.
Hello SR! I’ve gotten to know many of you over the last couple years, now I’d like to let you all get to know me.
It may be hard but not impossible. Stay Positive and God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: anaheim ca
Posts: 79
welcome!! you can do this. when you feel like drinking, remember this post and how you have felt in the last few days of your drinking. play the tape through to the end, dont stop and linger on the good time in drinking. you can do this.:praying
welcome
What more can I say??
. Couldn't find right welcome guy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Hi Spur,
I'm so glad that you have posted tonight, after reading here for so long.
I know how horrible the vicious cycle is and how it can be so hard to get out of. But, you can do it. You have come here and posted, and that is a great first step.
I'm so glad that you have posted tonight, after reading here for so long.
I know how horrible the vicious cycle is and how it can be so hard to get out of. But, you can do it. You have come here and posted, and that is a great first step.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: New England
Posts: 5
Thank you all for the welcome! Its funny to see posts directed at me after years of reading the welcomes of others. I have always been amazed at the amount of support to be had here.
So far I've had a fantastic day 2. The emotion I've been surrounded with today is relief. It is so exhausting obsessing, planning for, and anticipating the next drink. I truly feel now that that is no longer an option for me and all of a sudden theres just this clear spot in my mind where only 2 days ago was an endless whisper.
I do know that at some point down the road it won't be so easy. I also know its my job to get myself into a position to ensure I will remain on the right path when that time comes. But for tonight I am at peace and I have a sober morning to look forward to tomorrow!
Again, thank you all so much, I'm very glad to meet you all!
So far I've had a fantastic day 2. The emotion I've been surrounded with today is relief. It is so exhausting obsessing, planning for, and anticipating the next drink. I truly feel now that that is no longer an option for me and all of a sudden theres just this clear spot in my mind where only 2 days ago was an endless whisper.
I do know that at some point down the road it won't be so easy. I also know its my job to get myself into a position to ensure I will remain on the right path when that time comes. But for tonight I am at peace and I have a sober morning to look forward to tomorrow!
Again, thank you all so much, I'm very glad to meet you all!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Oh Spur, I can SO relate to the relief.
I was absolutely exhausted in my attempts to keep drinking and keep everyone from finding out. I was constantly going over what had happened, who had noticed, who had I called. When I finally stopped drinking, the relief was profound. And, focusing on the moment as you are, is the way to begin recovery.
I was absolutely exhausted in my attempts to keep drinking and keep everyone from finding out. I was constantly going over what had happened, who had noticed, who had I called. When I finally stopped drinking, the relief was profound. And, focusing on the moment as you are, is the way to begin recovery.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Sobriety is simple, not easy, but worth the effort. Think of all the money you'll save and the lies you won't have to tell or remember and the damage you won't cause. Welcome to SR! YOu've come to the right place and I'm glad you joined the family!
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