TOPIC: How Do You Become Completely Honest?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
TOPIC: How Do You Become Completely Honest?
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
How do you become completely
honest in all ur affairs? Your life?
With friends, family? Co-workers,
bosses? Yourself?
Is it being truthful? Not lieing to
yourself or others? Withholding
important information from love
ones?
The fact that you have a problem
and ur affaid to deal with it.
Those dirty little secrets that can
eat away at ur insides or make u
want to pull ur hair out.
Who would you tell?
Can you trust
someone to share this information
with? Or you can't trust a soul?
Secrets I found out as I continued
with my recovery that most people
have or had done them. So I
wasnt that unique, so I thought.
I knew i wasnt being completely
honest with myself nor the ones
closest to me. Most of all my Maker
knows all that I do or have done
and still I had to come clean with
not being honest.
Sure it took 17 yrs
to finally get
honest and it had to happen when
I was truely ready to.
When i stopped lieing to myself
and others and came to terms with
that defect of character then and
only then was i set free from that
huge burden i had been carrying
on my shoulders for many yrs.
It was thos burdens that kept me
locked up inside myself.
Finally I really understood what
many in recovery had been saying
about becoming completely honest
would eventually set you me free.
It may have taken me yrs to
free myself of that burden,
however it doesnt have to be
that long for you.
Become completely honest
and you will know a new freedom
like no other.
Sooner than you can imagine.
By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
How do you become completely
honest in all ur affairs? Your life?
With friends, family? Co-workers,
bosses? Yourself?
Is it being truthful? Not lieing to
yourself or others? Withholding
important information from love
ones?
The fact that you have a problem
and ur affaid to deal with it.
Those dirty little secrets that can
eat away at ur insides or make u
want to pull ur hair out.
Who would you tell?
Can you trustsomeone to share this information
with? Or you can't trust a soul?
Secrets I found out as I continued
with my recovery that most people
have or had done them. So I
wasnt that unique, so I thought.
I knew i wasnt being completely
honest with myself nor the ones
closest to me. Most of all my Maker
knows all that I do or have done
and still I had to come clean with
not being honest.
Sure it took 17 yrs
to finally get honest and it had to happen when
I was truely ready to.
When i stopped lieing to myself
and others and came to terms with
that defect of character then and
only then was i set free from that
huge burden i had been carrying
on my shoulders for many yrs.
It was thos burdens that kept me
locked up inside myself.
Finally I really understood what
many in recovery had been saying
about becoming completely honest
would eventually set you me free.
It may have taken me yrs to
free myself of that burden,
however it doesnt have to be
that long for you.
Become completely honest
and you will know a new freedom
like no other.
Sooner than you can imagine.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
How do you become completely honest in all ur affairs? Your life? With friends, family? Co-workers, bosses? Yourself? Is it being truthful? Not lieing to yourself or others? Withholding important information from love ones?
By doing it i become part of it & it becomes part of me. i learn as i practice it daily. Complete honesty starts and continues for me as the God of my understanding helps me to realize it is already taking place. All other areas of my life benefit with this principle (in addition to all the others) as my foundation for living life on life's terms. Withholding information does not come into play for me because i conduct myself with an awareness of whatever situation or circumstance i become involved with. Responsible & effective communication, for me, takes place when i actively relate to another person. If i am relaying information in 'complete honesty' without being mindful of who i am talking to or conscious of their emotional, mental, & spiritual stability; i may cause harm to them & to myself. For me, this is another way of applying the second part of Step Nine (as well as many other of the Steps & Traditions).
By doing it i become part of it & it becomes part of me. i learn as i practice it daily. Complete honesty starts and continues for me as the God of my understanding helps me to realize it is already taking place. All other areas of my life benefit with this principle (in addition to all the others) as my foundation for living life on life's terms. Withholding information does not come into play for me because i conduct myself with an awareness of whatever situation or circumstance i become involved with. Responsible & effective communication, for me, takes place when i actively relate to another person. If i am relaying information in 'complete honesty' without being mindful of who i am talking to or conscious of their emotional, mental, & spiritual stability; i may cause harm to them & to myself. For me, this is another way of applying the second part of Step Nine (as well as many other of the Steps & Traditions).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 16
I'm still struggling to find that honesty, mostly with myself. I'm not currently abusing drugs or alcohol, but throughout my life I have. I'm at the point now where I'm smoking cigars, eating junk food, just trying to stay away from the "hard" stuff. My dad continues to be a raging alcoholic and my mother a codependent slave to his behavior. I always thought I could beat it, this monster within, the part of me which thinks of mood alteration from substance abuse as a way out, but no matter how long I go...I feel like if a situation came up where I could "cheat" and get away with it - I would. In that sense, I hope to change. It's not enough that I haven't taken anything lately because I still feel like I want to...want to escape, that is. I hope I can learn from others like me, here, because in my immediate social circle I am completely alone with this burden.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
i asked god to remove my shortcomings.....one of those was a complete inability to be honest with others and myself....all rooted in fear.
i didnt notice when id become more honest........BUT......i did notice it real uncomfortable when i was dishonest.
i didnt notice when id become more honest........BUT......i did notice it real uncomfortable when i was dishonest.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I think the hardest part was being honest with myself.
I had no problems being honest with anyone else. I was a very very arrogant addict. It was like I was almost proud of my use and what I did that surrounded it.
Or most of the time. I didnt care who really knew the truth. Either that or there was just no way of hiding anything that I did cause I was so out there.
My DOC is like most peoples. It is like a truth drug. I use to get high and just go off on these so called deep conversations with people. LOL. I think back now and it must have been real freakin annoying.
You know how when you add alcohol or drug, you think your an instant Freud or something. LOL I cant help but laugh now.
But def had alot to be honest with myself about.
And it was hard to even know where to begin to behonest. You lie to yourself for so long. Telling yourself that this is your life. This is how it is. That the truth kinda gets lost or distorted.
But I will def say this. I needed alot of people who knew me, or knew the kind of person I was to help me get real freakin raw and honest with myslef.
I couldnt have found truth in myself without help.
That I do know.
I had no problems being honest with anyone else. I was a very very arrogant addict. It was like I was almost proud of my use and what I did that surrounded it.
Or most of the time. I didnt care who really knew the truth. Either that or there was just no way of hiding anything that I did cause I was so out there.
My DOC is like most peoples. It is like a truth drug. I use to get high and just go off on these so called deep conversations with people. LOL. I think back now and it must have been real freakin annoying.
You know how when you add alcohol or drug, you think your an instant Freud or something. LOL I cant help but laugh now.
But def had alot to be honest with myself about.
And it was hard to even know where to begin to behonest. You lie to yourself for so long. Telling yourself that this is your life. This is how it is. That the truth kinda gets lost or distorted.
But I will def say this. I needed alot of people who knew me, or knew the kind of person I was to help me get real freakin raw and honest with myslef.
I couldnt have found truth in myself without help.
That I do know.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Originally Posted by trucker 
i asked god to remove my shortcomings.....one of those was a complete inability to be honest with others and myself....all rooted in fear.
i didnt notice when id become more honest........BUT......i did notice it real uncomfortable when i was dishonest.
i didnt notice when id become more honest........BUT......i did notice it real uncomfortable when i was dishonest.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Yep Sharon this is a good one!
It is something i am working on, i have found it easy working the steps to be honest with my sponsor and people in AA but having just gone out into employment i can blatently see some of my dishonest traits raising their ugly heads again! This is going to take some work for me, not so much years but months (i hope by learning and listening to people like you and my sponsor!) to be able to put myself into a position wherein i can say i am honest in all of my affairs.
It's so easy to slot back into the dishonesty, especially when dealing with most 'normal' people who seem to be able to live and happliy embrace dishonesty as a part of their lives (don't get me wrong their are lots of sick people in the fellowship too!). I am also aware, for me, i am not going to be able to live with it for very long and things need to change.
Imagine for a secend the conflict i am having in work wherein i can see someone being dishonest with me and thinking why the hell don't you just be honest, i have to realise also that there are a lot of sick people out there without a program of living and not to look at them the same way as i look at myself or another member who has good sobriety and has worked the program.
Business is business seems to be their favourite saying, does that give me a licence to be a ******* and screw people over before they screw me, as long as they aren't alchies/addicts...are you sure you want to be saying that to me mate?! Lol...Interesting times:-)
It is something i am working on, i have found it easy working the steps to be honest with my sponsor and people in AA but having just gone out into employment i can blatently see some of my dishonest traits raising their ugly heads again! This is going to take some work for me, not so much years but months (i hope by learning and listening to people like you and my sponsor!) to be able to put myself into a position wherein i can say i am honest in all of my affairs.
It's so easy to slot back into the dishonesty, especially when dealing with most 'normal' people who seem to be able to live and happliy embrace dishonesty as a part of their lives (don't get me wrong their are lots of sick people in the fellowship too!). I am also aware, for me, i am not going to be able to live with it for very long and things need to change.
Imagine for a secend the conflict i am having in work wherein i can see someone being dishonest with me and thinking why the hell don't you just be honest, i have to realise also that there are a lot of sick people out there without a program of living and not to look at them the same way as i look at myself or another member who has good sobriety and has worked the program.
Business is business seems to be their favourite saying, does that give me a licence to be a ******* and screw people over before they screw me, as long as they aren't alchies/addicts...are you sure you want to be saying that to me mate?! Lol...Interesting times:-)
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Yeahgr8, so it's okay to scr- people over, as long as they aren't alchies/druggies? Interesting times, I agree with you wholeheartedly! Funny how the world looks a little different now that I got this sobriety bug...
Grr.
Don't mean to start something (sad, but these days that seems to be an issue), just asking...
I also agree with what Aysha said. I never had a problem admitting my problems if anyone asked. But it's not the same as honesty...
Grr.
Don't mean to start something (sad, but these days that seems to be an issue), just asking...
I also agree with what Aysha said. I never had a problem admitting my problems if anyone asked. But it's not the same as honesty...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
TB i don't understand what you asking?
I forgot to add as well, that something i need to be aware of is playing the actor part again and that means being what i know individual people at work want me to be...and just being myself and saying what i think in all situations. I'll get it, and it is important to do that as much as it is outside too...not everyone is going to like me and i shouldn't play a different part to make them do so...thats being honest with myself...
I can totally relate to the therapist thing, just tell them what they want to hear...the scary thing is that it took me 4 tries seeing different counsellers before finding one that saw through the BS...my current one is a star and can smell BS a mile off lol
I forgot to add as well, that something i need to be aware of is playing the actor part again and that means being what i know individual people at work want me to be...and just being myself and saying what i think in all situations. I'll get it, and it is important to do that as much as it is outside too...not everyone is going to like me and i shouldn't play a different part to make them do so...thats being honest with myself...
I can totally relate to the therapist thing, just tell them what they want to hear...the scary thing is that it took me 4 tries seeing different counsellers before finding one that saw through the BS...my current one is a star and can smell BS a mile off lol
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Na, Yeahgr8, it wasn't nothing...just wording & me being me... 
Unfortunately, something similar turned me off of therapists.
I can totally relate to the therapist thing, just tell them what they want to hear...the scary thing is that it took me 4 tries seeing different counsellers before finding one that saw through the BS...my current one is a star and can smell BS a mile off lol
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Originally Posted by thirtybubba
I also agree with what Aysha said. I never had a problem admitting my problems if anyone asked. But it's not the same as honesty...
Exactly. That takes it to another level of truth. Admitting your wrongs or problems. And just being plain honest about the reality of it all.
My screwed up addicted lifestyle became truth to me. To a point where it was normal. It was accepted. For em and everyone I was around at the time. Cause they were in that world too.
I sure couldnt go acting, brhaving, thinking and doing anything I did back then in 'normal' society and not have people look at me like I was crazy.
Out there. If your NOT acting like an addict..You will def get looks and draw attention. Mostly thoughts that your workin for the cops. LOL
But getting honest with yoursefl about deep seeded issues. Thats whats tough. And I belive that most of us really do need help from outside people to tell us from their perspective. Cause alot of times. I didnt know what the truth was and what wasnt.
And since I started being honest with myself completely. It took alot of struggle out of trying to recover.
My problem was trying to hold on to old thinking and ways. I tried mixed that into trying to live normal and it just cant happen like that.
This attempt feels different because I am doing alot of work on myself. Inside deep down. I am finally letting go of that "I'm a gangsta" for life type of thinking. I am not a gang member. But you get what I mean.
I have cut alot of old aquaintances out. Not all. But most. I dont go looking at the police blotter all the time anymore. I stopped looking crap up online like youtube vids of people using. Thats how sick I am. I wanted to watch people doing what I couldnt anymore. And it always led me right back. I have no interest in what anyoje out there is doing. Cause I already know.
I am not missing anything out there and I am over the "I wonder whats goin on in the hood today" mentality.
I am done sabotaging myself.
I needed to get over that street life addiction. Because that was just as strong if not stronger than the drugs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by Aysha
Exactly. That takes it to another level of truth. Admitting your wrongs or problems. And just being plain honest about the reality of it all.
My screwed up addicted lifestyle became truth to me. To a point where it was normal. It was accepted. For em and everyone I was around at the time. Cause they were in that world too.
I sure couldnt go acting, brhaving, thinking and doing anything I did back then in 'normal' society and not have people look at me like I was crazy.
Out there. If your NOT acting like an addict..You will def get looks and draw attention. Mostly thoughts that your workin for the cops. LOL
But getting honest with yoursefl about deep seeded issues. Thats whats tough. And I belive that most of us really do need help from outside people to tell us from their perspective. Cause alot of times. I didnt know what the truth was and what wasnt.
And since I started being honest with myself completely. It took alot of struggle out of trying to recover.
My problem was trying to hold on to old thinking and ways. I tried mixed that into trying to live normal and it just cant happen like that.
This attempt feels different because I am doing alot of work on myself. Inside deep down. I am finally letting go of that "I'm a gangsta" for life type of thinking. I am not a gang member. But you get what I mean.
I have cut alot of old aquaintances out. Not all. But most. I dont go looking at the police blotter all the time anymore. I stopped looking crap up online like youtube vids of people using. Thats how sick I am. I wanted to watch people doing what I couldnt anymore. And it always led me right back. I have no interest in what anyoje out there is doing. Cause I already know.
I am not missing anything out there and I am over the "I wonder whats goin on in the hood today" mentality.
I am done sabotaging myself.
I needed to get over that street life addiction. Because that was just as strong if not stronger than the drugs.
My screwed up addicted lifestyle became truth to me. To a point where it was normal. It was accepted. For em and everyone I was around at the time. Cause they were in that world too.
I sure couldnt go acting, brhaving, thinking and doing anything I did back then in 'normal' society and not have people look at me like I was crazy.
Out there. If your NOT acting like an addict..You will def get looks and draw attention. Mostly thoughts that your workin for the cops. LOL
But getting honest with yoursefl about deep seeded issues. Thats whats tough. And I belive that most of us really do need help from outside people to tell us from their perspective. Cause alot of times. I didnt know what the truth was and what wasnt.
And since I started being honest with myself completely. It took alot of struggle out of trying to recover.
My problem was trying to hold on to old thinking and ways. I tried mixed that into trying to live normal and it just cant happen like that.
This attempt feels different because I am doing alot of work on myself. Inside deep down. I am finally letting go of that "I'm a gangsta" for life type of thinking. I am not a gang member. But you get what I mean.
I have cut alot of old aquaintances out. Not all. But most. I dont go looking at the police blotter all the time anymore. I stopped looking crap up online like youtube vids of people using. Thats how sick I am. I wanted to watch people doing what I couldnt anymore. And it always led me right back. I have no interest in what anyoje out there is doing. Cause I already know.
I am not missing anything out there and I am over the "I wonder whats goin on in the hood today" mentality.
I am done sabotaging myself.
I needed to get over that street life addiction. Because that was just as strong if not stronger than the drugs.
Old behaviours, huh?! If you do the work on yourself and honestly look at yourself and your old behaviours/character defects you can see the old life creeping up on you much earlier!
You can take action straight away. Another example, started work on Thursday, was feeling really restless and uncomfortable, didn't eat all day and didn't go to the gym. Now here is what that reminds me of, it's the same job i did whilst actively using always cutting corners and doing little work, never used to eat during the day whilst using, never went to gym whilst using...
Solution...plan the day to get max work done, take sandwiches to work, go to gym before work...someone said to me you know why you were feeling so restless and irritable? because the shadow of your old behaviour has crept up behind you and you don't like it at all...
It's things like this, IMO, that will make the difference as to whether you make it or not! No way would i be able to see or accept these sort of things without first baasically identifying who the hell i am by seeing my part in the past, acting on this to make changes, getting outside (of myself) help, and working a program of recovery.
I'll tell you what would have happened without all you have said, 1, maybe 2 weeks, at work, no more gym, no more eating properly, no more praying, no more meetings, no more counselling, no more reading recovery literature...watching sad films, listening to sad music, digging up old aquaintances and i am back at the bar wondering what the **** happened!!!
IMO the further i get away from the old behaviour the harder it will be for me to find my way back!
Honesty for a chance to stay sober,
Denial and dishonesty to ensure a return!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wherever I turn my attention
Posts: 57
"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." - Thomas Jefferson
Telling the truth will always bring back more to you than the other person.
Being vulnerable is not a weakness, but a strength - to have the courage to own up to what is in one's heart. You can never go wrong and this peace propels you forward in growth.
Telling the truth will always bring back more to you than the other person.
Being vulnerable is not a weakness, but a strength - to have the courage to own up to what is in one's heart. You can never go wrong and this peace propels you forward in growth.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Originally Posted by yeahgr8
IMO the further i get away from the old behaviour the harder it will be for me to find my way back!
The only issue I see is if we're honest enough with ourselves to admit what said behavior is. And I do try, but I see myself failing here every now and then.
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