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Old 09-26-2009, 10:44 AM   #101 (permalink)
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I think I have finally accepted that I can not fix anyone elses problems, I can't even really be any support if I don't fix myself first.
I can not make everything in my life the way I WANT IT. I never realized before want an ego I was carrying around.
SO...I am glad I no longer am carrying it around, and no longer burdoned with feeling responsible for fixing family problems---I am finally fixing my own problems
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Old 09-26-2009, 11:05 AM   #102 (permalink)
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I talked with a friend who was hurting today.
I phoned about my overdue check.
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Old 09-26-2009, 02:00 PM   #103 (permalink)
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Had to try hard to turn negativity into positivity today. Since it's Saturday I started with the "Why can't I have a drink like everyone else on the weekend?" whining. I haven't done that in awhile. Then I reminded myself of all the things I wouldn't be missing: Hangover, fearing what I said or did, feeling ill, looking like hell, less money...and most important, I won't miss the days of binging that often followed one night of having "a few".
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Old 09-26-2009, 02:01 PM   #104 (permalink)
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I am glad I have a job that I dont mind going to. And I get along and really like evryone I work with.
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Old 09-26-2009, 06:51 PM   #105 (permalink)
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It's a really beautiful day here, I love fall.
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Old 09-27-2009, 06:31 AM   #106 (permalink)
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Week 2 Day 2
I have always thought that I am funny and fortunately that has not changed since I quit drinking. This was something that I worried about.
Whether I am funny or not does not really matter because how we perceive ourselves is all that really matters. What others think is inconsequential.
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Old 09-27-2009, 07:53 AM   #107 (permalink)
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WOW! I slept GREAT, woke up smiling and it is the day I (we) set aside for spiritual, personal renewal, time together etc.
Talked to my dad on the phone last night, best chat we have had in quite a while.
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Old 09-27-2009, 08:00 AM   #108 (permalink)
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Its Sunday. I am not working. Had a great breakfast. And just am goin gto relax today and enjoy the time off.
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Old 09-27-2009, 08:10 AM   #109 (permalink)
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My life is still a mess from the damage I caused from drinking, so when I wake up, it is still in a panic almost...so many things are not right yet...I am truly in discontent with so much still.....
That being said, I get up and have to sit and focus on what I want and how I am going to make it happen.
For the first time I am able to make the changes I have wanted for so many years. It is not gonna happen over night like I want it to, but it is happening. I feel it. Change is in motion, slow and steady, day by day, I know I am getting closer to waking up content. Hope you all have a great Sunday!!
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Old 09-27-2009, 08:35 AM   #110 (permalink)
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Oh, the Tigers won their football game. I'm doing a mess of laundry. It's absolutely beautiful out. We might go see the Buddist monks' closing ceremony and their mandala. Need to run to the store. It's just another day, but I feel so much better without the booze.
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Old 09-28-2009, 05:22 AM   #111 (permalink)
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It is good to see you dealing with these issues in a positive and productive manner Sandy.
Positivity cannot solve our problems but if we spend at least a portion of out day concentrating on the positive it may give us the hope to be able to work through them instead of feeling hopeless and trying to hide from them by getting wasted.
Week 2 Day 3
I was going to write something else today but I find the above statement I just wrote very empowering so I will make it my statement for this fine rainy day.
By practising positive daily thoughts I will be able to cope with the challenges I face in my day to day life without having to self medicate.
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Old 09-28-2009, 05:30 AM   #112 (permalink)
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Doh! Two days to make up and...might as well do today.

Day 8:

Felt good about my sobriety.

Day 9:

Felt good because someone stuck up for me (I know, that wasn't an inner thing, but it was still nice Having support rocks.).

Day 10:

Had some dreams two nights in a row that I blew my sobriety. I haven't in reality, but for some reason I've felt a little shaken about it. I know it was only dreams...but I don't like the feeling like I dropped it. I'm so close to 6 months and I can't imagine throwing that away now.

Why the dreams? Who knows! I've been dreaming about a lot of things. My dreams have been very vivid for the last week or so. I'm dreaming about old acquaintances I hope to never see again and situations I don't want to be involved in. Overall my dreams have a subtle nightmarish feel...I like creepy sometimes, but not all the time, dang it. Where have my fun dreams gone?

I have the satisfaction of knowing I'm still sober and my sleeping dreams are bullsh!t .
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Old 09-28-2009, 05:42 AM   #113 (permalink)
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I agree! All my problems are still here wheather I am drinking or not--and usually if I am drinking, I have A LOT more problems on top of the regular life stuff.
So, at least being able to take the positive attitude approach, it does seem to make things more tolerable, and gives me the hope for the future I need to keep me going.
Being miserable does not get anything accomplished, and keeps me standing still.
I need to keep moving foward if I expect myself to make the changes I so desire.

Good luck to you OzSandy---Hang in there.....things will get better....keep fighting, and remain positive. This too soon shall pass.
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:16 AM   #114 (permalink)
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All righty....another night of GOOD sleep! Can y'all tell how much I cherish THAT? LOL
I have got alot of anticipation going, waking up knowing that the Metallica concert that I have been looking forward to for 4 months is tomorrow night!
Also, my folks have finally got internet, so that I won't be out of touch for lengths of time anymore!
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:27 AM   #115 (permalink)
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Day 8 *Lots of reasons to feel positive about weekend. Went to lunch and saw some Oktoberfest beer on tap. Terribly tempted. Frighteningly so after 140 days of sobriety. Nonetheless, overcame the challenge. Hoping that a year from now, after having faced these yearly drinking rites (Oktoberfest, St. Paddy's Day, Super Bowl, birthdays, weekends, evenings...) that it'll be easier.

Summer transformed into fall in a matter of minutes in my hometown yesterday. I love this time of year, especially sober.
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:31 AM   #116 (permalink)
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Speaking of beer....went to our local "Sunfest" on the beach. There's entertainment (Rick Springfield & The Village People...do they count?), many crafts & food for sale, & of course the inevitable beer booths set up all over. Last year at 8 mos. sober I still was tempted & resentful that I couldn't have any. This year was so different - I just smiled when I walked past them - they weren't even a temptation this time.
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Old 09-28-2009, 12:09 PM   #117 (permalink)
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Well, I seem to have really done a job on my career. I have people who care and are helping me find options.
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:59 PM   #118 (permalink)
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I stumbled upon some paraphanalia at work today. And for the loev of the universe. I wasnt triggered . I am so so so grateful for that. It could have gone really bad.
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Old 09-29-2009, 04:51 AM   #119 (permalink)
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It is great that you can walk past the beer tents without feeling that resentment Hevyn. I can do that with the bars now but my holiday will be a big test for me. I am going to an all inclusive resort and in the past that has involved drinking insane amounts of alcohol. If I can get through it without drinking and without feeking that resentment then I will feel that I am well on my way.
Week 2 Day 5
It has been so long since I quit drinking that I do not remember how terrible a hangover feels and I do not care for a refresher course.
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Old 09-29-2009, 05:52 AM   #120 (permalink)
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i nearly had a drink tonight ( well not really really but did give it a bit of thought,)
'
it was thinking of how i would feel tommorrow that stopped me..
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