Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: U.K.
Posts: 9
Hello
Hi I'm Meerkat,
I've been on a seven day bender for some time now. I've been to A.A. before but always found it difficult to keep on going as stopping seems easy. I always find a reason to stop going and drift back off the wagon after a few weeks. I drink heavily and can tick all of the boxes, my drinking seems to have an element of control and I haven't had much difficulty stopping up till now. I do however feel that that element of control is starting to slip and it's time to face up to the fact that if nothing else I have a very serious problem which is probably most definately affecting my health.
Family and work commitments also make it difficult to keep up with meetings and I hope that in finding this forum it can help me on my way back to sobriety for good. I made up my mind that I wasn't going to buy my usual six pack and finish the night with a double whisky ( which is a new element ) so I started searching the internet for the only people who know what they're talking about when it comes to our problems.
I hope I can stay sober tonight.
I've been on a seven day bender for some time now. I've been to A.A. before but always found it difficult to keep on going as stopping seems easy. I always find a reason to stop going and drift back off the wagon after a few weeks. I drink heavily and can tick all of the boxes, my drinking seems to have an element of control and I haven't had much difficulty stopping up till now. I do however feel that that element of control is starting to slip and it's time to face up to the fact that if nothing else I have a very serious problem which is probably most definately affecting my health.
Family and work commitments also make it difficult to keep up with meetings and I hope that in finding this forum it can help me on my way back to sobriety for good. I made up my mind that I wasn't going to buy my usual six pack and finish the night with a double whisky ( which is a new element ) so I started searching the internet for the only people who know what they're talking about when it comes to our problems.
I hope I can stay sober tonight.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi and Welcome,
Yes, you can stay sober tonight!
Did you get rid of all the alcohol in your houseÉ That can help a lot.
I do think it`s true, that each time you try to stop drinking, is harder than the last. So, take a look around and make yourself comfortable.
Yes, you can stay sober tonight!
Did you get rid of all the alcohol in your houseÉ That can help a lot.
I do think it`s true, that each time you try to stop drinking, is harder than the last. So, take a look around and make yourself comfortable.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Welcome Meerkat - it's wonderful you found us. The problem is, over time our tolerance for alcohol grows & we don't even realize it. I remember in the early days getting buzzed from 2 beers. In the end, no amount did the job & I was drinking round-the-clock. It took me over 25 years to reach that point, but it did happen.
Like you, I once had an element of control - but that was many years ago. I couldn't get it through my head that I was not able to moderate & put myself through hell trying all sorts of different strategies. None worked. One drink led to 10. When I really got rolling I'd need to sip it all day to keep a certain level in my system, or I'd begin to shake. I can't believe I lived that way for so long. I'm no longer the blind fool I once was. That's partly due to being here and becoming educated, and making wonderful friends who really understand like no one else. It is freeing to finally not be alone with the hell we've put ourselves through. Wiser members will be along with suggestions - I just want to say welcome and congratulations for wising up and seeing what needs to be done.
Like you, I once had an element of control - but that was many years ago. I couldn't get it through my head that I was not able to moderate & put myself through hell trying all sorts of different strategies. None worked. One drink led to 10. When I really got rolling I'd need to sip it all day to keep a certain level in my system, or I'd begin to shake. I can't believe I lived that way for so long. I'm no longer the blind fool I once was. That's partly due to being here and becoming educated, and making wonderful friends who really understand like no one else. It is freeing to finally not be alone with the hell we've put ourselves through. Wiser members will be along with suggestions - I just want to say welcome and congratulations for wising up and seeing what needs to be done.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Welcome back! 
"Family and work commitments also make it difficult to keep up with meetings and I hope that in finding this forum it can help me on my way back to sobriety for good."
My ES&H suggests to carefully watch what happens, and if for some reason you find that you do not get back to sobriety for good... you start attending AA meetings regularly and working a program.
I know in my case I was 'too busy' because of family and work committments, but once I analyzed my own behavior I found out that my drinking caused way more family & work committment conflicts than meetings ever could. I was lying to myself.
Keep coming back.
"Family and work commitments also make it difficult to keep up with meetings and I hope that in finding this forum it can help me on my way back to sobriety for good."
My ES&H suggests to carefully watch what happens, and if for some reason you find that you do not get back to sobriety for good... you start attending AA meetings regularly and working a program.
I know in my case I was 'too busy' because of family and work committments, but once I analyzed my own behavior I found out that my drinking caused way more family & work committment conflicts than meetings ever could. I was lying to myself.
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Howdy Meerkat. Good to have you here.
Probably, it's because you've never had a spiritual awakening sufficient to overcome alcoholism. Stopping is easy. Staying stopped is very difficult if you're an alcoholic like me. Right next to impossible. I had to have that profound psychic change in order to stay stopped. I found that by working the 12 steps of AA, not just going to AA. Big difference.
Something doesn't add up there. I used to suffer from that kind of delusion where it always made sense to me, even when the pieces didn't fit.
When I really wanted to quit and stay quit, I found someone who had been successful at quitting. I found someone that laid out a program of action that would solve the drink problem.
Originally Posted by Meerkat 
I've been to A.A. before but always found it difficult to keep on going as stopping seems easy. I always find a reason to stop going and drift back off the wagon after a few weeks.
Originally Posted by Meerkat
I've been on a seven day bender for some time now....my drinking seems to have an element of control and I haven't had much difficulty stopping up till now
When I really wanted to quit and stay quit, I found someone who had been successful at quitting. I found someone that laid out a program of action that would solve the drink problem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: U.K.
Posts: 9
Thanks for the replies they have helped. Just having somewhere to come where folk who understand the problems makes a big big difference. Before when I went to meetings something that would always make it easier to come off the wagon was not being able to pick up the phone and talk about it. I need to talk or type as the case may be but have always been conscious of not wanting to bother or be a burden to people. This place is different because folk are on here for the same reason and they want to help and share.
No, I have 3/4 of a bottle of Scotch left upstairs. I was never a big whisky drinker and would take a shot or 2 now and again but lately I've been buying a bottle a week. I haven't poured the bottle out deliberately as I have to crack this with drink available. It's would be so easy to pour it out and try to pretend it didn't exist but I tried that once before and it didn't work. I think it made me think that because I could pour it out, it wasn't that big a deal. I'm going to try and keep this bottle to remind me how dangerous the stuff is. I'll see how it goes. I know that for a lot of people it wouldn't be a good idea but i think I can stay strong. If it really comes to it, it'll go down the sink rather than down my throat.
Hi Keith,
I think part of it is never having felt really beat. I tried the spiritual thing before but it didn't work for me. I feel beat this time and am realising how much I've lost myself and what I used to be about. I've let things get out of control. Before it was just the drink. This time, because of the recession it's a lot worse and things are pretty much unmanageable but I reckon if I make a change now, I can still turn the whole thing around and have a life. At the moment I reckon there's still time to make a change but I've got to get sober to do that.
You're right it is a delusion, because I reckonned I could lay off during the day I thought it was under control. It wasn't totally out of control but at the very least it was barely manageable. All the kind of stuff you read about in the big book.
That's why I'm here, that's why I found you guys. Maybe it was spiritual but something told me I had to do nothing today except find a way out of this nightmare. Only folk who know what they're talking about that can help me do that. As soon as I read some of the threads I knew I was in the right place.
Originally Posted by 51anna
Hi and Welcome,
Did you get rid of all the alcohol in your houseÉ That can help a lot.
Did you get rid of all the alcohol in your houseÉ That can help a lot.
Originally Posted by keithj
Howdy Meerkat. Good to have you here.
Probably, it's because you've never had a spiritual awakening sufficient to overcome alcoholism. Stopping is easy. Staying stopped is very difficult if you're an alcoholic like me. Right next to impossible. I had to have that profound psychic change in order to stay stopped. I found that by working the 12 steps of AA, not just going to AA. Big difference.
Probably, it's because you've never had a spiritual awakening sufficient to overcome alcoholism. Stopping is easy. Staying stopped is very difficult if you're an alcoholic like me. Right next to impossible. I had to have that profound psychic change in order to stay stopped. I found that by working the 12 steps of AA, not just going to AA. Big difference.
I think part of it is never having felt really beat. I tried the spiritual thing before but it didn't work for me. I feel beat this time and am realising how much I've lost myself and what I used to be about. I've let things get out of control. Before it was just the drink. This time, because of the recession it's a lot worse and things are pretty much unmanageable but I reckon if I make a change now, I can still turn the whole thing around and have a life. At the moment I reckon there's still time to make a change but I've got to get sober to do that.
Originally Posted by keithj
Something doesn't add up there. I used to suffer from that kind of delusion where it always made sense to me, even when the pieces didn't fit.
Originally Posted by keithj
When I really wanted to quit and stay quit, I found someone who had been successful at quitting. I found someone that laid out a program of action that would solve the drink problem.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Originally Posted by Meerkat
Hi I'm Meerkat,
I've been on a seven day bender for some time now. I've been to A.A. before but always found it difficult to keep on going as stopping seems easy. I always find a reason to stop going and drift back off the wagon after a few weeks. I drink heavily and can tick all of the boxes, my drinking seems to have an element of control and I haven't had much difficulty stopping up till now. I do however feel that that element of control is starting to slip and it's time to face up to the fact that if nothing else I have a very serious problem which is probably most definately affecting my health.
Family and work commitments also make it difficult to keep up with meetings and I hope that in finding this forum it can help me on my way back to sobriety for good. I made up my mind that I wasn't going to buy my usual six pack and finish the night with a double whisky ( which is a new element ) so I started searching the internet for the only people who know what they're talking about when it comes to our problems.
I hope I can stay sober tonight.
I've been on a seven day bender for some time now. I've been to A.A. before but always found it difficult to keep on going as stopping seems easy. I always find a reason to stop going and drift back off the wagon after a few weeks. I drink heavily and can tick all of the boxes, my drinking seems to have an element of control and I haven't had much difficulty stopping up till now. I do however feel that that element of control is starting to slip and it's time to face up to the fact that if nothing else I have a very serious problem which is probably most definately affecting my health.
Family and work commitments also make it difficult to keep up with meetings and I hope that in finding this forum it can help me on my way back to sobriety for good. I made up my mind that I wasn't going to buy my usual six pack and finish the night with a double whisky ( which is a new element ) so I started searching the internet for the only people who know what they're talking about when it comes to our problems.
I hope I can stay sober tonight.
I'm being a bit facetious, but once I realized HOW MUCH energy, time, money etc I had put into my drinking, how dare I work any less at my recovery, ya know?
As for keeping the half bottle around and not thrownig it out.. this isn't a test. This isn't a little game.. I would get rid of it, you wont earn a badge for not drinking it.. and dark hours could lie ahead that make you salivate for the last few swigs. It's really not a test, I promise
Just my .02
Welcome !
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 542
Dear Meerkat, (((((HUGS to You)))))
A big large WELCOME to the SR Family!! I LOVE your name Meerkat. And I expect you also a big fan of Meerkat Manor which I am a huge fan of and my screen name is from the show! YAH!
Now...down to basics my new friend! At my AA Meeting last night a good friend shared this..."They told me when I was new to STOP DRINKING, READ the Big Book and KEEP COMING to Meetings". So...that is what I did he said.
This friend is now soon to celebrate 19 Years of Sobriety!! So...please keep GOING to meetings, STOP drinking and keep reading the Big Book Meerkat. I want to see you excell in your program too. Please go back and STAY there this time friend. Get a Big Book and READ it and a sponsor and start working the steps. The rest will be history.
My Life has changed so drastically since I got sober and joined AA that I can't even imagine to describe how wonderful it is now!!
I am happy beyond my own comprehension!! Sure...I have my share of life's difficulties Meerkat, who doesn't?? I've just gone through a horrible ordeal with my one son and his wife and family too. NO....I did NOT drink over it either! And....YES!!! I am determined to keep on WINNING and so can you my friend!
It's just fabulous that you found us at Sober Recovery and fabulous you posted so now we can all encourage you with our Experience, Strength and Hope and make you a WINNER too!!!
Love Pancake xo
A big large WELCOME to the SR Family!! I LOVE your name Meerkat. And I expect you also a big fan of Meerkat Manor which I am a huge fan of and my screen name is from the show! YAH!
Now...down to basics my new friend! At my AA Meeting last night a good friend shared this..."They told me when I was new to STOP DRINKING, READ the Big Book and KEEP COMING to Meetings". So...that is what I did he said.
This friend is now soon to celebrate 19 Years of Sobriety!! So...please keep GOING to meetings, STOP drinking and keep reading the Big Book Meerkat. I want to see you excell in your program too. Please go back and STAY there this time friend. Get a Big Book and READ it and a sponsor and start working the steps. The rest will be history.
My Life has changed so drastically since I got sober and joined AA that I can't even imagine to describe how wonderful it is now!!
I am happy beyond my own comprehension!! Sure...I have my share of life's difficulties Meerkat, who doesn't?? I've just gone through a horrible ordeal with my one son and his wife and family too. NO....I did NOT drink over it either! And....YES!!! I am determined to keep on WINNING and so can you my friend! It's just fabulous that you found us at Sober Recovery and fabulous you posted so now we can all encourage you with our Experience, Strength and Hope and make you a WINNER too!!!
Love Pancake xo
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 219
Hey Meerkat, welcome. You sound like you are in a similiar place I was 8 days ago...I was on my way home from Vegas after 5 days of non stop drinking...I was out of control!! And that was at the end of this summer of non stop drinking every friday to sunday and every vacation day I had...and a good many weeknights to. I always thought I had control. I always stopped at the end of the weekend (of course I had to go through the weekdays feeling like sh*t and sweating all night...that soo sucked!)...so I figured everything was under control. But I knew on my flight home from Vegas something was different, I knew if I didn't stop now I was going to keep spiraling down and soon there would be no stopping between binges...it would just be one long continous binge. Hope you decide to stop now before that happens. I know you can...good luck!!
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
Welcome
This is the best move you've ever made and with the fellowship of AA your life will become manageable and amazing. I can't guarantee it will be easy...but I can guarantee that it will be worth it!
This is the best move you've ever made and with the fellowship of AA your life will become manageable and amazing. I can't guarantee it will be easy...but I can guarantee that it will be worth it!
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Ditto all of the above... You can do it. The cliche "one day at aime" is right on. You can pick your own bottom. AA, this sight, Smart ect. Have all worked by themselves an in combination for those who have worked them. Best of luck
and stick around. A lot of great stuff here. By the way do you mind your
manners (manors)? Love the show, it's the only soap I ever really got into!
and stick around. A lot of great stuff here. By the way do you mind your
manners (manors)? Love the show, it's the only soap I ever really got into!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
welcome Meerkat
You'll find a lot of support here.
FWIW I agree with smacked. You have nothing to prove by keeping the bottle.
I used to make little strongman tests for myself too. Never passed for long.
This is about addiction, not strength or weakness.
For me, I started making strides the day I accepted I was an alcoholic and stopped battling my alcoholism.
By fighting it, I was letting it have a presence and a voice....and a chance to get what it wanted.
I figure my alcoholism can't 'win' if I never let it engage me
I can't drink = no need to keep alcohol on hand.
D
You'll find a lot of support here.
FWIW I agree with smacked. You have nothing to prove by keeping the bottle.
I used to make little strongman tests for myself too. Never passed for long.
This is about addiction, not strength or weakness.
For me, I started making strides the day I accepted I was an alcoholic and stopped battling my alcoholism.
By fighting it, I was letting it have a presence and a voice....and a chance to get what it wanted.
I figure my alcoholism can't 'win' if I never let it engage me
I can't drink = no need to keep alcohol on hand.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: U.K.
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by smacked
Did it make it difficult to keep up your drinking?!
Originally Posted by smacked
As for keeping the half bottle around and not thrownig it out.. this isn't a test. This isn't a little game.. I would get rid of it, you wont earn a badge for not drinking it.. and dark hours could lie ahead that make you salivate for the last few swigs. It's really not a test, I promise
Just my .02
Welcome !
Just my .02
Welcome !
Originally Posted by Dee74
welcome Meerkat
You'll find a lot of support here.
FWIW I agree with smacked. You have nothing to prove by keeping the bottle.
I used to make little strongman tests for myself too. Never passed for long.
This is about addiction, not strength or weakness.
For me, I started making strides the day I accepted I was an alcoholic and stopped battling my alcoholism.
By fighting it, I was letting it have a presence and a voice....and a chance to get what it wanted.
I figure my alcoholism can't 'win' if I never let it engage me
I can't drink = no need to keep alcohol on hand.
D
You'll find a lot of support here.
FWIW I agree with smacked. You have nothing to prove by keeping the bottle.
I used to make little strongman tests for myself too. Never passed for long.
This is about addiction, not strength or weakness.
For me, I started making strides the day I accepted I was an alcoholic and stopped battling my alcoholism.
By fighting it, I was letting it have a presence and a voice....and a chance to get what it wanted.
I figure my alcoholism can't 'win' if I never let it engage me
I can't drink = no need to keep alcohol on hand.
D
So even if I get rid of the bottle, I still have access to more. I've gotta do it the hard way unfortunately. If it wasn't for this predicament, I'd have had the bottle down the sink by now so please don't think I'm not hearing your advice.
I'm sure that as long as I have this place I'll make it through the night then I can think about making it through the day.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Hi Meerkat, Like your Avatar. Very cute.
Thanks for sharing your struggle I went through that until I began doing the
other things that meetings suggested. Like actually reading the Big Book. It is
the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous. "The Doctor's Opinion" was especially
important to accept.
Thanks for sharing your struggle I went through that until I began doing the
other things that meetings suggested. Like actually reading the Big Book. It is
the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous. "The Doctor's Opinion" was especially
important to accept.
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
I agree with my friend above and can't stress the importance of reading the doctors opinion - it really helps it sink in with people.
Anytime you need a friend - there's people here for you - we'll love you until you can love yourself xxx
Anytime you need a friend - there's people here for you - we'll love you until you can love yourself xxx
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