This is not the place for me
 

I have to say goodbye here. You guys have helped a lot. But I don't think it's the place for me.

There is one point of view (and only one point of view) tolerated here. I get it. It's been drilled into my head over and over.... (and over....)

I'm a little disgusted at the censuring of the moderators ("controversial topics") and the inability of people here to debate the issues surrounding alcholism. There are issues, there are debates. There is NOT one point of view, as is what is portrayed here. It is never that simple.

I am used to debate, discussion (I love it and crave it) and I feel this is not the place for it. To be fair, I have gotten an important message as I move on. The message is: SOBRIETY IS OKAY. That is what I got out of this website.

I have the feeling that there are people who have gone on to successfully moderate, but they are not welcomed here on this forum, so you never know about them. I have friends who are not serious alcoholics who have *elaborate* moderation plans in tact... why? Because alcohol is a dangerous drug. For everyone. Not just alcoholics. We all must use judgment and be careful. It's the all or nothing approach here that is beginning to alienate me.

However, I am soooo much better off than I was a few months ago. And I credit you guys for that. And also, I will miss many of you (Facebook... PM me if you would like to keep in touch.) It's just that I see I have gotten everything out of this that I can.

I am healing from my divorce, in therapy, and no longer in the alcohol "out of control state." There is hope and I am excited for the future.

Best to you all.... Laura

Sobriety is a matter of life and death for me and for many others on this board.

We take it very seriously.

There are plenty of other places to discuss moderated drinking.

No one on the Newcomers Forum has censored anything you have said.

I'm sorry you feel that way Laura - I disagree.

Like Anna said, it is life and death for many of us...me included - I nearly died trying to moderate.

Frankly, Laura - it makes me incredibly sad to see so many people unwilling to let go of something that's clearly destroying their lives.

I also disagree vehemently with the idea that this is not a place where people can speak their mind - Anna, I and all the other admin here spend our days making sure that, regardless of what I or anyone else might think personally, everybody gets a fair hearing.

I wish you well - I'm sorry to see you leave such a great support, but it's your call.
D

Take care & all of the best to you in your future Laura.

NB

No one has censored anything I have written here... but there is an undercurrent. See the ban on "Controversial Topics."

I wonder why they ban is there, and I understand it's live or death for some people and that is why you have the ban.

I went to an Ivy League College -- where we debate, debate, debate ... and it is healthy. We view debate as healthy. A ban on "Controversial Topics" repulses me to the core. And that is why I'm leaving.

NOT because I don't see sobriety as a noble goal. It is a noble goal. It is the censuring and everyone agreeing with it that creeps me out.

The thread Controversial Topics is not in this forum.

Please address it within the proper forum.

It is a life & death situation for a lot of people that come here as newcomers Laura. To be discussing the option & benefits of moderation (continued drinking) in the newcomers section is not right or fair to struggling alcoholics.

I asked for there to be a moderation section last month so that type of thing could be discussed elsewhere but it seemed like most people didn't want that. I get that too... because as an alcoholic it is very confusing & difficult to read about moderation (TSM etc.).

This is "Sober Recovery" afterall... there are lots of forums that openly talk about addiction in general as well as moderation management just waiting for debate teams to show up.

The people that came here from the Sinclair Method website were given a pretty fair opportunity to share their method here (multiple pages of threads).

Just my take on it, all of the best.

Take Care,

NB

Hmmm..I honestly never knew there was a ban on controversial topics. The only time I have seen anything banned was when it got to be flaming and disrespectful or harmful.
I am like wow right now cause I use to be a very controversial person here. Confrontational and just an all around idiot. I dont do that too much anymore.
So what your saying comes as a huge surprise to me.
I have complete faith in all the administrators, mods, chat monitors, greeters and members here.
I am wondering why you came to a recovery forum if all your looking for is to moderate.
I am not saying that to be a smartass. I am really wondering.
I hate to see anyone feel like you do. Hope you find something useful here.

To clarify, I saw it on the Alcoholism Forum.

Someone was trying to intellectually debate some issues, and it was frowned upon -- by the moderators, and people in the forum.

I think of this whole website as one place, not as an individual collection of forums.

This genuinely baffles me. Considering the nature of this -recovery- community, it's the variety of approaches and points of view available to support sobriety that makes me appreciate this site (and the people who run it) so very much.

If I decided to start drinking, however, I wouldn't realistically expect other members to cheer me on - most, if not all, people here have very strong reasons to back up their opinions regarding alcohol.

Like Dee has pointed out, many people invest an incredible amount of effort to make sure that everyone's opinion is heard - I've only seen threads being locked when the topic goes off course, or when there is flaming war going on.

Sincerely, though, good luck with your choice :) We're here if you need us.

According to the rulese here, if you have an issue with a Moderator of a Forum, then you PM the Moderator of the forum.

12. Do not disrespect forum leaders, moderators, forum greeters, and chat chairs. Be respectful in both the forums, chat, and any private communications. These members are volunteers that donate many, many hours of their own time to help in the forums and chat rooms. Violations of this rule will not be tolerated.

If you see a problem report it to us immediately and let us review the problem and take the appropriate actions.

If you feel that a decision has been made arbitrarily you may contact an Administrator privately for clarification. It is against the forum rules to ignore private messages from Forum leaders or Administrators. Publicly denouncing the actions of one of our volunteers can lead to having your membership permanently revoked.

OOHH..Well that is the problem then. The different forums here are very different.
But you have to reliz that this is a public forum with quite alot of different personalities and views. Maybe you are just focusing on the ones you didnt agree with? Because if there were others debating an issue. Than not everyone was frowning.

You could be right, Jane. This may not be the right forum for you. Perhaps that Sinclair forum might be more what you are looking for. I hope you find whatever it is that you feel will help you achieve your individual goals. There is nothing wrong with that, but I don't see the need to try and trash SR just because it's not what you were looking for. SR is a fantastic forum for those who really wish to stop drinking and learn to live a life of sobriety. Good luck to you.

This is precisely the problem. "all you are looking for..."

and what would be wrong with that if it allowed me to lead a normal, happy and healthy life?

I am closing this thread as it is pointless.

There are many places for you discuss moderated drinking, not here.