bjork

A friend had a party lastnight. Currently, all of my friends are my colleagues as I live and work in another country (I'm an expat). I have a pool of about 30 english-speaking people (co-workers) I interact with regularly. I've been here a year and a half. I will move on in 9 months.

I didn't drink or smoke at the party. I wasn't even really tempted. However, (this sounds crazy!) I had emotional/mental highs and lows throughout the 2 1/2 hours at the party. At moments I had fun and was enjoying myself and then 10 minutes later I felt that I was out of place. Nothing major that anybody else would ever notice, but it's just how I felt.

:wtf2

I feel like I don't like most people. At least the small pool of people I am around. I don't hate anybody, I just find most of them to be very superficial, uncomfortable with silence at any point, and struggling too hard to keep a constant upbeat conversation or trying to prove to others that they are something they probably aren't. I prefer my interactions to be more organic, I guess.

After 2 1/2 hours, a colleague was leaving, so I decided to leave at the same time. As I was leaving the host said, "You're leaving already?! Had too much to drink already?" I just laughed and said, "yeah". The host knows I have quit drinking and smoking (for health reasons).

Has anybody else found themselves feeling this way about people? Is this just an early recovery thing? Are parties different for you now as well?

86 days sober, 68 days no cigarettes

Mattcake

I can relate to what you've described. It's interesting though, cos I'm a former party animal. I used to party a lot about 10 years ago - loud, drunk and...not fun. I played the part quite well but, in hindsight, deep down I always felt fake-ish, superficial and forced.

Strange thing is, this was *before* I started abusing alcohol in earnest, at which time I started avoiding parties (and people) altogether, staying at home where I could binge alone.

These days, I try to avoid parties. The alcohol doesn't bother me, and I understand that many people seem to enjoy them - it's like I'm the one who doesn't quite fit in anymore, LOL.

So... Maybe partying was fun at the time, maybe not - I honestly don't know - but I do know that I've never really missed it.

Mattcake

LOL, sorry to quote myself, and this is OT. I've just realised that it's not so "strange". Eventually I got tired of playing a part that didn't reflect who I truly was - and the stuff that I was trying to evade with all that partying (the stuff I'm working on now) finally caught up with me.

smacked

For me, "parties" were always "a group of people drinking together". I have no reason to go to them, as I am a non-drinker. But maybe my parties were different than yours, it was primarily about drinking.

I don't go to them anymore, I really dislike being around people that are overdrinking.

I maintain my friendships by using non-drinking social activities, or... I've found that my 'friends' were merely my 'drinking buddies', and I'm glad to have them out of my life at this point.

bjork

Thank you Matt and Smacked!

This party was food and drink. I left before anybody got drunk. First to arrive (and help set up) and the first to leave. From what I have seen, most of my colleagues are not problem drinkers. There's one or two who might be, but they hide their problems much better than I ever could.

I think I am just not a party person for now. Maybe the longer I am sober, the more comfortable I will be at parties.

I was never the life of the party, but the environment definitely does feel different now. Maybe I am more of a wallflower than I was before? Maybe I am just recognizing I am less social than I thought I was?

Mariposa18

I was at a pool party with a few friends a while back, some were drinking but nobody to excess so it was no big deal being around it. HOWEVER, I haven't stepped foot in a dance club or gone to any "big" parties since I got sober. I even skipped my annual NASCAR trip this year because I still didn't feel ready (I was 5 months sober at the time)

I think in these situations we realize who we truly enjoy being with and who we simply enjoyed through alcohol's filter.

NewBeginning010

I have leaned pretty heavily on my alcohol as a tool to "make things interesting" that a lot of times were not. I could have a good time sitting in a stair well with an idiot if I had enough drinks in me lol.

Now I find it difficult to have good conversations with people & have a good time at get togethers/parties. I don't think my ability to have conversations is any less but my expectations seem to be higher. I guess its understandable compared to my drunk talk in the past

I also seem to be hyper aware of my surroundings & people, I need to just take it in & relax. I guess its understandable that we feel that we are at a grade 6 school dance... as that is the last time I was at a party/dance straight until this year

least

I drank at home alone most of the time, but used to go to my favorite bar sometimes and after getting sober, it was hard to watch the behavior of drunks. I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't get out of the house much, not counting a daily dog walk, but I do keep in contact with friends.

It might be good for you to avoid parties for the most part if you're getting uncomfortable at them - at least for a while.

shaun00

maybe im too old...lol.........i just dont do parties anymore.
come to think of it i never did parties...to many people can see what i drink like...
i did find it took a while to feel comfortable around booze....and to communicate with people without being half cut.
i did have one golden rule......if it feels wrong it probably is wrong and i would remove myself from that situation.

Jade19

I guess I am in the minority but I don't mind parties since I realized I was the one who over drank and not my friends. I was the one who acted the fool, slammed drinks etc. etc. I revel in the fact that they have a few drinks and then switch to coffee or tea. It still freaking AMAZES me since I could have never done that. I do run into the occasional drunk and it just serves as a reminder as to why I am here. I like parties, I like the good friends I have and I don't feel like I have to avoid them or party situations. If I do feel uncomfortable, I just leave or walk out for some air. I would rather do something else than watch people drink but maybe I am lucky in the fact that my friends rarely drink and at their parties it is about games, good conversation and interacting.

~Reb

thirtybubba

'Parties' for me were like for Smacked, just sitting around drinking / (others) getting high. Going to college cured me of them--even though I was still drinking back then, the people around me started accusing me of being different, and I no longer saw a reason to hang around them.

Since sobering up, I haven't been anywhere around people--still have no idea how I'll handle it. Especially college trips, etc.

But, thinking back, I can only imagine how I would have seen the scene sober, and I don't think I would have liked to be there either. It was pretty superficial, come to think of it. And none of us ever hung out with each other for any other reason.

Hmmm. More to think on, more to be tested on.