Why didn't anyone help me?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 8
Why didn't anyone help me?
I spent 7 months in jail for DVP violations that I caught in the middle of a Morphine Overdose/Suicide attempt. I just got out on thursday.
While I was in jail I wrote letters to The NA World Services Office, The West Virginia Headquarters, individual meeting places. Two people on the outside contacted social workers, addiciton counselors, even the head of a large recovery fascility; no response.
We had counselors in jail that promised to help but didn't. Everyone that was helping me on the outside gave up. I anxiously waited for mail-call, just to be let down 213 days in a row.
Nobody cared.
Now, I'm out and I'm suffering, struggling, and crushed. I havn't been able to locate meetings-- even though I have a degree in computer science; well aware of how to use the internet. The wreckage in my life is staggering.
Two kids in two states that I can't see. No friends, no family. I'm alone in a motel room. I'm destroyed. I feel that if I had been prepared that I would not be struggling as hard as I am right now.
I've been sober for 13 months -- six of those months were before jail -- and I don't feel any better.
I'm ready to give up. In each case I sent self addressed stamped envelopes, a complete background story, and a request for some sort of temporary sponsor to assist me. I spent no less than $5.00 a week on postage and envelopes; that's 30 weeks, you do the math.
WTF?
While I was in jail I wrote letters to The NA World Services Office, The West Virginia Headquarters, individual meeting places. Two people on the outside contacted social workers, addiciton counselors, even the head of a large recovery fascility; no response.
We had counselors in jail that promised to help but didn't. Everyone that was helping me on the outside gave up. I anxiously waited for mail-call, just to be let down 213 days in a row.
Nobody cared.
Now, I'm out and I'm suffering, struggling, and crushed. I havn't been able to locate meetings-- even though I have a degree in computer science; well aware of how to use the internet. The wreckage in my life is staggering.
Two kids in two states that I can't see. No friends, no family. I'm alone in a motel room. I'm destroyed. I feel that if I had been prepared that I would not be struggling as hard as I am right now.
I've been sober for 13 months -- six of those months were before jail -- and I don't feel any better.
I'm ready to give up. In each case I sent self addressed stamped envelopes, a complete background story, and a request for some sort of temporary sponsor to assist me. I spent no less than $5.00 a week on postage and envelopes; that's 30 weeks, you do the math.
WTF?
Last edited by oddbirdman; 09-13-2009 at 12:47 AM. Reason: spelling
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Oddbirdman
I'm not in NA and I'm not in the States so I can't really answer your questions.
Searching 'NA meetings OH' did give me this tho
Ohio Narcotics Anonymous - Narcotics Anonymous Meetings in Ohio - NA Meetings.
I welcome you to SR. You'll find a lot of support here
D
I'm not in NA and I'm not in the States so I can't really answer your questions.
Searching 'NA meetings OH' did give me this tho
Ohio Narcotics Anonymous - Narcotics Anonymous Meetings in Ohio - NA Meetings.
I welcome you to SR. You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 8
I saw this site already, no help. I live in North East Ohio, no listings. I want to know why nobody helped me... how can I trust the recovery process and people involved if I have been disregarded in the way that I was?
I don't just feel that I was overlooked and abandoned; I WAS in the literal sense of the word, abandoned by what amounts to 30 or 40 seperate people at all levels of the support chain. I tried everything. Is how I'm going to be taught to deal with people? If it is I'd rather go it alone, seriously.
I don't just feel that I was overlooked and abandoned; I WAS in the literal sense of the word, abandoned by what amounts to 30 or 40 seperate people at all levels of the support chain. I tried everything. Is how I'm going to be taught to deal with people? If it is I'd rather go it alone, seriously.
hypercube
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 306
Don't give up, oddbirdman. We care here, but when it comes down to it the most important care is self-care.
I don't have experience with NA and I don't live in the States, but I have survived morphine addiction. It's been 13 years. Now that you're out of jail, you have greater access to resources, like the phone and internet, you can also physically attend meetings and talk to people face-to-face. Perhaps attending the Ohio NA meetings might help with finding a sponsor?
Try here: Buckeye Regional Service Committee of Narcotics Anonymous
I don't have experience with NA and I don't live in the States, but I have survived morphine addiction. It's been 13 years. Now that you're out of jail, you have greater access to resources, like the phone and internet, you can also physically attend meetings and talk to people face-to-face. Perhaps attending the Ohio NA meetings might help with finding a sponsor?
Try here: Buckeye Regional Service Committee of Narcotics Anonymous
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Sorry to hear of your troubles oddbirdman :ghug2 you have gone through a lot. All I can give you now is my support & strength, all we have is the present (I am sorry about your past).
There are a lot of wonderful people here that are ready to listen & try their best to help you to the best of their capacity.
I look forward to learning & reading more about your recovery.
Take Care,
NB
There are a lot of wonderful people here that are ready to listen & try their best to help you to the best of their capacity.
I look forward to learning & reading more about your recovery.
Take Care,
NB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Originally Posted by oddbirdman 
I don't just feel that I was overlooked and abandoned; I WAS in the literal sense of the word, abandoned by what amounts to 30 or 40 seperate people at all levels of the support chain. I tried everything. Is how I'm going to be taught to deal with people? If it is I'd rather go it alone, seriously.
That said, after reading your post, I need to say one very important part of recovery for me was looking at my own responsibility in how people reacted to me.
Someone once said to me-'If one person tells you what you're doing is wrong-then listen and consider and wait...but if more than one person tells you the same thing?It's time to take a good look at yourself (not blame them) and accept that it could be you causing this 'problem'...
If 30-40 people decided to 'abandon me' (as you put it) then I'm sorry, but perhaps it's time you took a good look at what it is you're doing in all of this and instead of feeling sorry for yourself? (which us addicts are really great at) you took some action in changing a few things about your world?No one can make you feel like crap without your permission...
You can change.There's so many here who are proof of that.Stick around.There's tons of support here if you want it.
Jules.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 8
so, let me get this right?
I wrote out my story, in pen, sent it to my friend who is a physician in north carolina, he typed it out for me, sent it back. Then, I had copies made, sent them to my mother who is a sicial worker, she mailed half of them out, and I mailed the other half myself. Now; you are saying that it's my fault that these people didn't respond?
I will not accept responsibility for other peoples failures.
I am educated myself, as I said before, I minored in psychology; and have an understanding of how to effectively communicate with people. In addition; most of my career pre-morphine addiction dealt with communicating with people.
On top of all of that: I am still a student at the best music school in the world, in my opinion, in the Entertainment Management Program. I work with some of the most difficult, arrogant, creative geniuses with no problems whatsoever. I did not achieve the things I have because I have a "problem communicating."
Blaming me is a cop out, and it's intellectually weak. I was incarcerated; and dependant upon people on the outside to help me. None of them did. I couldn't help but be hurt when nobody showed enough compassion to make sure that "no one should ever suffer from addiction."
If this forum is going to full of people blaming me for things that are out of my control when I have already accepted full responsibility, apologized to every human being I've ever wronged, defered to the people I've hurt, made every attempt to make amends, then I would rather suffer.
Now; buzz off. Oh, wait, maybe that was the addiction talking, right? sorry.
I wrote out my story, in pen, sent it to my friend who is a physician in north carolina, he typed it out for me, sent it back. Then, I had copies made, sent them to my mother who is a sicial worker, she mailed half of them out, and I mailed the other half myself. Now; you are saying that it's my fault that these people didn't respond?
I will not accept responsibility for other peoples failures.
I am educated myself, as I said before, I minored in psychology; and have an understanding of how to effectively communicate with people. In addition; most of my career pre-morphine addiction dealt with communicating with people.
On top of all of that: I am still a student at the best music school in the world, in my opinion, in the Entertainment Management Program. I work with some of the most difficult, arrogant, creative geniuses with no problems whatsoever. I did not achieve the things I have because I have a "problem communicating."
Blaming me is a cop out, and it's intellectually weak. I was incarcerated; and dependant upon people on the outside to help me. None of them did. I couldn't help but be hurt when nobody showed enough compassion to make sure that "no one should ever suffer from addiction."
If this forum is going to full of people blaming me for things that are out of my control when I have already accepted full responsibility, apologized to every human being I've ever wronged, defered to the people I've hurt, made every attempt to make amends, then I would rather suffer.
Now; buzz off. Oh, wait, maybe that was the addiction talking, right? sorry.
Last edited by oddbirdman; 09-13-2009 at 02:17 AM. Reason: grammar
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
That's not what I got out of Jules post. I particularly liked this bit which IMO is great advice for anybody
So whats next OBM? We know about yesterday - what about today or tomorrow?
I'm not stranger to your position - I'm a disabled man with multiple addictions - I'm the poster child for Likely Victim - I spent most of my adult life being let down, abandoned and abused - some of it I see now was actually my fault...but some of it definitely wasn't.
There came a time when I had to say, essentially - OK, so what?
I had to draw a line in the sand, discard my baggage, and get on with the process of recovery - imminent death has a lovely way of reordering ones priorities.
I am sorry for your troubles - I'm not dismissing them.
You obviously feel let down very badly - but I can tell you from some 20 years experience...you can feed on resentment and blame and bitterness for a lifetime..
I've done it...if you choose to stay there, it isn't going to do any good at all.
We really do make our own path - people will let us down from time to time - we can either sit down by the roadside and bemoan that, or we can dust ourselves off and start off on the journey again.
You're fighting for your life, your future - I would have thought that was the priority here?
To accept responsibility to me means putting all that stuff that happened before aside - I'm not saying you weren't wronged...I'm saying the past is closed...it's wasted energy that could and should be better applied....the priority now must be to look forward not back.
I'm sorry if you find my argument intellectually weak as well - I can only share my experience with you and it's a position I firmly believe in. I wish you well.
D
it's time you took a good look at what it is you're doing in all of this and instead of feeling sorry for yourself? (which us addicts are really great at) you took some action in changing a few things about your world?No one can make you feel like crap without your permission....
I'm not stranger to your position - I'm a disabled man with multiple addictions - I'm the poster child for Likely Victim - I spent most of my adult life being let down, abandoned and abused - some of it I see now was actually my fault...but some of it definitely wasn't.
There came a time when I had to say, essentially - OK, so what?
I had to draw a line in the sand, discard my baggage, and get on with the process of recovery - imminent death has a lovely way of reordering ones priorities.
I am sorry for your troubles - I'm not dismissing them.
You obviously feel let down very badly - but I can tell you from some 20 years experience...you can feed on resentment and blame and bitterness for a lifetime..
I've done it...if you choose to stay there, it isn't going to do any good at all.
We really do make our own path - people will let us down from time to time - we can either sit down by the roadside and bemoan that, or we can dust ourselves off and start off on the journey again.
You're fighting for your life, your future - I would have thought that was the priority here?
To accept responsibility to me means putting all that stuff that happened before aside - I'm not saying you weren't wronged...I'm saying the past is closed...it's wasted energy that could and should be better applied....the priority now must be to look forward not back.
I'm sorry if you find my argument intellectually weak as well - I can only share my experience with you and it's a position I firmly believe in. I wish you well.
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Congratulations on your 13 months!!!!!
That is a fantastic accomplishment.
It is a shame that the jail counselors did not step up even after you requested to meet with them. That, I think, is the main failing in this situation.
Perhaps the counselors and specialists that people tried to contact on your behalf will simply not deal in "third party" mode. In other words, I can't go make appointments with a counselor for someone else.
Perhaps the NA people also did not respond because they may receive many requests from prisons and jails. Perhaps their history with that type of request is that the people sending them are not sincere in their desire for recovery but are merely trying to "look good" to the judge.
However....the counselor at the jail/prison failed in his assigned task, I agree.....but have no answer as to why.
I hope you keep posting and reading here on SR. It is a wonderful place for support and healing. Best wishes as you move forward in your recovery! HG
That is a fantastic accomplishment.It is a shame that the jail counselors did not step up even after you requested to meet with them. That, I think, is the main failing in this situation.
Perhaps the counselors and specialists that people tried to contact on your behalf will simply not deal in "third party" mode. In other words, I can't go make appointments with a counselor for someone else.
Perhaps the NA people also did not respond because they may receive many requests from prisons and jails. Perhaps their history with that type of request is that the people sending them are not sincere in their desire for recovery but are merely trying to "look good" to the judge.
However....the counselor at the jail/prison failed in his assigned task, I agree.....but have no answer as to why.
I hope you keep posting and reading here on SR. It is a wonderful place for support and healing. Best wishes as you move forward in your recovery! HG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 8
"To accept responsibility to me means putting all that stuff that happened before aside - I'm not saying you weren't wronged...I'm saying the past is closed...it's wasted energy that could and should be better applied....the priority now must be to look forward not back."
Are you serious? are you really serious? all of this just ended less than 72 hours ago. I JUST GOT OF JAIL.
Am I supposed to have just put it all behind me? that fast? maybe if someone had responded to me I would have the coping mechanisms and support network in place instead of crying for help on an anonymous web site in the middle of the night. THAT IS MY POINT HERE
Someone in my section was raped and tattooed on the ass; beat half to death and I'm supposed to just say water under the bridge?
wow.
now I'm more stressed out than I was before i came here!
i'm trying to focus on now, not the future. I'm trying to be OK now. yes, I'm moving back to boston to finish my masters. yes I'm moving forward but I"M SUFFERING NOW. I'm done with AA, NA, all of it. I"VE spent the last 215 days, every single ******* day, begging for help, guidance, coping mechanisms, a release plan, and I got none of it.
I'm sorry my denial skills aren't on par with everyone elses here. I CAME HER TO CRY ON SOMENES SHOULDER. TO GET SUPPORT. TO GET GUIDENCE ON HOW TO FEEL BETTER NOW
NOT TO BE TOLD IT'S MY ******* FAULT THAT NOBODY STEPPED UP... NOT TO BE TOLD SHOULD JUST GET OVER WITNESSING A SEXUAL ASSUALT LESS THAN A WEEK AGO... **** YOU.
I made it 13 months sober without NA, or AA, with no support whatesover, and yes, there are drugs in jail. Everyone from NA world services all the way down to the bottom of the support chain abandoned me.
Are you serious? are you really serious? all of this just ended less than 72 hours ago. I JUST GOT OF JAIL.
Am I supposed to have just put it all behind me? that fast? maybe if someone had responded to me I would have the coping mechanisms and support network in place instead of crying for help on an anonymous web site in the middle of the night. THAT IS MY POINT HERE
Someone in my section was raped and tattooed on the ass; beat half to death and I'm supposed to just say water under the bridge?
wow.
now I'm more stressed out than I was before i came here!
i'm trying to focus on now, not the future. I'm trying to be OK now. yes, I'm moving back to boston to finish my masters. yes I'm moving forward but I"M SUFFERING NOW. I'm done with AA, NA, all of it. I"VE spent the last 215 days, every single ******* day, begging for help, guidance, coping mechanisms, a release plan, and I got none of it.
I'm sorry my denial skills aren't on par with everyone elses here. I CAME HER TO CRY ON SOMENES SHOULDER. TO GET SUPPORT. TO GET GUIDENCE ON HOW TO FEEL BETTER NOW
NOT TO BE TOLD IT'S MY ******* FAULT THAT NOBODY STEPPED UP... NOT TO BE TOLD SHOULD JUST GET OVER WITNESSING A SEXUAL ASSUALT LESS THAN A WEEK AGO... **** YOU.
I made it 13 months sober without NA, or AA, with no support whatesover, and yes, there are drugs in jail. Everyone from NA world services all the way down to the bottom of the support chain abandoned me.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I know all too well how you feel.
I am not going to play the blame game here.
Bottom line. You were desperately seeking help and came up empty.
That was me earlier this year. I wasnt confined to a correctional facility so you would think I would have the upper hand.
I spent 2 weeks calling treatment centers, insurance companies, social services, anyone who I thought could get me the help I so desperately wanted and needed.
I even tried to admit myself twice. Once to a treatment center I was at a year before and once at a mental facility.
I was told I wasnt sick enough and didnt fit criteria for treatment.
This is after I was coming off a month long crack binge that cost me my job, my family, almost my will to live. I have alot of history in my addiction that would make the average person cringe.
I have never felt so let down by a system in my life.
My struggle with this is all documented here in my posts from March of this year.
I have been locked up. I know how very hard it is to get anything done from in there. Alot of hoops to jump through.
I was dumbfounded by the lack of concern for my situation.
I went into a deep dark depression and gave up trying to seek help. trying to find someone to help me make this pain go away.
I sat on the pity pot for a good 3 more months.
But a few months ago. Something just snapped inside me.
I got tired of playing a victim to my own devices.
I'm the type of person that if you tell me I cant..Watch me prove you wrong.
I have recently enrolled in college and start next week. Something I have wanted to do for so many years.
I have taken it upon myself to work on me as a whole.
See. I was just focusing on putting the drugs down. Nothing beyond that. Nothing deeper. Anyone can put the **** down. Its what you do from there on.
I have found a wonderful pdoc and so much support here at SR, and I found inside of me all the help that has always been there.
No one can do this alone. But like others have said. This is pretty much an inside job.
I am just a recovering street crack addict trying to get my life right.
I chose drugs over an education. I had all the opportunities. I chose to pass them by.
I know the system sucks. I dont disagree with you there.
But now that you are free from incarceration. You have the means to take action.
Help is inside of you.
There are alot of people here that know how to find the right resources.
Being its the weekend, It is a little slow. Stick around some. Utilize this place for now while you find what it is your looking for.
But dont give up. I was looking for a specific kind of help. But found it in the last place I thought to look.
Just hang in there. I am glad your here.
I am not going to play the blame game here.
Bottom line. You were desperately seeking help and came up empty.
That was me earlier this year. I wasnt confined to a correctional facility so you would think I would have the upper hand.
I spent 2 weeks calling treatment centers, insurance companies, social services, anyone who I thought could get me the help I so desperately wanted and needed.
I even tried to admit myself twice. Once to a treatment center I was at a year before and once at a mental facility.
I was told I wasnt sick enough and didnt fit criteria for treatment.
This is after I was coming off a month long crack binge that cost me my job, my family, almost my will to live. I have alot of history in my addiction that would make the average person cringe.
I have never felt so let down by a system in my life.
My struggle with this is all documented here in my posts from March of this year.
I have been locked up. I know how very hard it is to get anything done from in there. Alot of hoops to jump through.
I was dumbfounded by the lack of concern for my situation.
I went into a deep dark depression and gave up trying to seek help. trying to find someone to help me make this pain go away.
I sat on the pity pot for a good 3 more months.
But a few months ago. Something just snapped inside me.
I got tired of playing a victim to my own devices.
I'm the type of person that if you tell me I cant..Watch me prove you wrong.
I have recently enrolled in college and start next week. Something I have wanted to do for so many years.
I have taken it upon myself to work on me as a whole.
See. I was just focusing on putting the drugs down. Nothing beyond that. Nothing deeper. Anyone can put the **** down. Its what you do from there on.
I have found a wonderful pdoc and so much support here at SR, and I found inside of me all the help that has always been there.
No one can do this alone. But like others have said. This is pretty much an inside job.
I am just a recovering street crack addict trying to get my life right.
I chose drugs over an education. I had all the opportunities. I chose to pass them by.
I know the system sucks. I dont disagree with you there.
But now that you are free from incarceration. You have the means to take action.
Help is inside of you.
There are alot of people here that know how to find the right resources.
Being its the weekend, It is a little slow. Stick around some. Utilize this place for now while you find what it is your looking for.
But dont give up. I was looking for a specific kind of help. But found it in the last place I thought to look.
Just hang in there. I am glad your here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Wow... I can hardly imagine how difficult that was.
Maybe your mail was intercepted? Maybe there was nobody from AA/NA who had the necessary clearance to come to the prison? Maybe there were things going on that you didn't know about.
All you can do is start over. Your, understandable resentment is going to eat you alive. Find a way to accept what happened and live for today.
The recovery community at large is not perfect. It is, however, generally supportive and you will find a group of people who will be there for you.
Don't give up
Maybe your mail was intercepted? Maybe there was nobody from AA/NA who had the necessary clearance to come to the prison? Maybe there were things going on that you didn't know about.
All you can do is start over. Your, understandable resentment is going to eat you alive. Find a way to accept what happened and live for today.
The recovery community at large is not perfect. It is, however, generally supportive and you will find a group of people who will be there for you.
Don't give up
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I find it difficult to believe that you are unable to find a meeting. Pick up the phone and call the NA or AA hotline and ask for help. People here have genuinely tried to help you with their replies and you've been rude when responding to each one. Do you really want help? Take some sort of ACTION. You made it out of prison. You're sober. You've got a roof over your head. Access to the internet where you can network with others in recovery. Take a look around you - you're not as alone as you may think.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Oddbirdman..
Its great that you have 13 months clean.
You came here for a shoulder., and many have offered theirs.
Sadly, no one here can explain why when you were reaching out from jail, you weren't helped. None of us has a clue on why the many people you contacted didn't follow thru.
Yes...it sucks.
Jail sounds like it was horrible.
You might want to try finding a church to attend, or the Salavation Army as they have caring compassionate people to help. It sounds like you need some face to face support right now, that an internet site can't provide.
Peace.
Its great that you have 13 months clean.
You came here for a shoulder., and many have offered theirs.
Sadly, no one here can explain why when you were reaching out from jail, you weren't helped. None of us has a clue on why the many people you contacted didn't follow thru.
Yes...it sucks.
Jail sounds like it was horrible.
You might want to try finding a church to attend, or the Salavation Army as they have caring compassionate people to help. It sounds like you need some face to face support right now, that an internet site can't provide.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
oddbirdman, it's quite obvious you're very angry. I've been there as well. Not in the same exact situation but I know what it feels like when people you would normally "expect" to help you do not.
However, I would never strike out against the ones that did or do help. This site is a wonderful support system. These people will cheer you on your greatest days, lift you up and support you on your worse and as you see, give suggestions when they deem it necessary.
Today is a different day, empower yourself. I hope that you will take a minute to go inside yourself and find the strength to make the decision that today will be the rest of your life and know that you can make things happen.
When it came down to the bottom line for me, it was ONLY me that had to do the work to get what I wanted and needed to get things done. Even if that meant calling the same people over and over and over again.
Even these days, I have many struggles but I make the choice as to what I'm going to do with my situation. I can be angry and I know I have every right to feel that way but it's what I do with the situation that matters. I could sit here an blame but it's not going to get me any where.
I'm sorry that you've taken such offense to what people have written to you here but I do know that they all have probably been in similar positions while on their own journey to recovery and a better life.
Good Luck!!
However, I would never strike out against the ones that did or do help. This site is a wonderful support system. These people will cheer you on your greatest days, lift you up and support you on your worse and as you see, give suggestions when they deem it necessary.
Today is a different day, empower yourself. I hope that you will take a minute to go inside yourself and find the strength to make the decision that today will be the rest of your life and know that you can make things happen.
When it came down to the bottom line for me, it was ONLY me that had to do the work to get what I wanted and needed to get things done. Even if that meant calling the same people over and over and over again.
Even these days, I have many struggles but I make the choice as to what I'm going to do with my situation. I can be angry and I know I have every right to feel that way but it's what I do with the situation that matters. I could sit here an blame but it's not going to get me any where.
I'm sorry that you've taken such offense to what people have written to you here but I do know that they all have probably been in similar positions while on their own journey to recovery and a better life.
Good Luck!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I'm sorry for your situation. I didn't go through what you did, but I do remember early recovery was the most lonely part of my life. But, there is hope that you can get through this.
I think what people are saying to you is that you need to focus on today.
No one is expecting your past to be erased from your mind, but you do have today, and you can do with today what you need to do. Recovery involves letting go of the past and the future and focusing on the moment.
There is lots of support here, and I hope you keep reading and posting.
I think what people are saying to you is that you need to focus on today.
No one is expecting your past to be erased from your mind, but you do have today, and you can do with today what you need to do. Recovery involves letting go of the past and the future and focusing on the moment.
There is lots of support here, and I hope you keep reading and posting.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Oddbirdman, of course it's disgusting that no one reached out to you when you were in desperate need - but what Cubile said about resentment eating you alive is true. I re-read everything that was written to you and I didn't see where anyone here told you to just get over witnessing a sexual assault, & certainly no one said it was your fault that no one stepped up (as you stated). Of course you can't - & shouldn't - forget what happened and how unfair it was - and maybe you'll decide to pursue finding out why no one responded, and get some explanations at some point.
For now, though, there are an amazing assortment of compassionate people here, who want to help you through this. We can't help you if you won't allow us to speak from our hearts without fear of offending or angering you. Everything said to you so far has been heartfelt and meant to help, not to make you even more angry. Please don't let what happened color how you feel about us here at SR, or the world in general.
For now, though, there are an amazing assortment of compassionate people here, who want to help you through this. We can't help you if you won't allow us to speak from our hearts without fear of offending or angering you. Everything said to you so far has been heartfelt and meant to help, not to make you even more angry. Please don't let what happened color how you feel about us here at SR, or the world in general.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
I'm really sorry for all the heartache you've gone through.
For me personally, I know things got a lot better for me when I stopped being pissed at the world, and dealt with the situation I was in. I know that is much easier said than done, and I'm sure it will take some time for you to get there as well. But I ask you, is being angry doing anything positive towards improving your situation?? I know for me, all it did was make me feel worse, keep me stuck in the same place, and push me back toward the place that led to my suicide attempt in the first place.
You have found a place where you can get some help here at SR. This is a very caring environment, but at the same time, people will be honest with you. No one is going to tell you that it is good to stay stuck in the place of anger you currently are, and we really don't have an answer to why nobody responded to your many calls for help. I will warn you though, this is a public forum, and you will recieve responses that you do not agree with your find insulting. As they say in the rooms of AA, "take what you need and leave the rest behind."
I wish you all the best and hope you are able to find the help you are looking forward to and need. Take care.
For me personally, I know things got a lot better for me when I stopped being pissed at the world, and dealt with the situation I was in. I know that is much easier said than done, and I'm sure it will take some time for you to get there as well. But I ask you, is being angry doing anything positive towards improving your situation?? I know for me, all it did was make me feel worse, keep me stuck in the same place, and push me back toward the place that led to my suicide attempt in the first place.
You have found a place where you can get some help here at SR. This is a very caring environment, but at the same time, people will be honest with you. No one is going to tell you that it is good to stay stuck in the place of anger you currently are, and we really don't have an answer to why nobody responded to your many calls for help. I will warn you though, this is a public forum, and you will recieve responses that you do not agree with your find insulting. As they say in the rooms of AA, "take what you need and leave the rest behind."
I wish you all the best and hope you are able to find the help you are looking forward to and need. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Oddbirdman,
I congratulate you on your hard work for the past 13 months.
As I have told my 22yr old AS numerous times...Life is not easy and not fair even when sober. When you bring addiction into your life, things get twice as hard.
He spent the past 5 years digging a hole for himself. He can't expect to just take a step up onto level ground. He will have to climb up. Lots of hard work. I have a very difficult time listening to his "woe as me" stories. No money, no job, no place to live, no insurance. Gee son, how did you get to that point? Could it be all your bad decisions? He is always seeking a pat on the back and a "atta boy" from me. Should I tell him that I am proud of the fact that he dropped out of college, lost his license, has numerous drug related felonies.
I know you are trying to find that level ground. You have worked hard at your sobriety and you should be proud of yourself. It has to be upsetting to you that no one else pats you on the back. Please try to understand, that even as a mother, I have a hard time telling my son "good job, I am so proud of you", when he brought all of the problems he is having into his own life by using in the first place.
Sometimes we just have to clean out our closets. Forget the people who did not respond to your cries of help. At this point of time you need to suround yourself with a sphere of positive influence. It sounds to me that you are angry because your expectations of help were not met, but as I said, life is not fair. You can continue expending your emotions on being po'd or you can redirect them to work on the positive things in your life. I don't know about you, but negative sh!t in my life really stresses me out. For my own well-being, I have to let it go.
Good luck to you.
I congratulate you on your hard work for the past 13 months.
As I have told my 22yr old AS numerous times...Life is not easy and not fair even when sober. When you bring addiction into your life, things get twice as hard.
He spent the past 5 years digging a hole for himself. He can't expect to just take a step up onto level ground. He will have to climb up. Lots of hard work. I have a very difficult time listening to his "woe as me" stories. No money, no job, no place to live, no insurance. Gee son, how did you get to that point? Could it be all your bad decisions? He is always seeking a pat on the back and a "atta boy" from me. Should I tell him that I am proud of the fact that he dropped out of college, lost his license, has numerous drug related felonies.
I know you are trying to find that level ground. You have worked hard at your sobriety and you should be proud of yourself. It has to be upsetting to you that no one else pats you on the back. Please try to understand, that even as a mother, I have a hard time telling my son "good job, I am so proud of you", when he brought all of the problems he is having into his own life by using in the first place.
Sometimes we just have to clean out our closets. Forget the people who did not respond to your cries of help. At this point of time you need to suround yourself with a sphere of positive influence. It sounds to me that you are angry because your expectations of help were not met, but as I said, life is not fair. You can continue expending your emotions on being po'd or you can redirect them to work on the positive things in your life. I don't know about you, but negative sh!t in my life really stresses me out. For my own well-being, I have to let it go.
Good luck to you.
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