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Old 09-12-2009, 05:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hi!


Hi everyone! Iím new here.. Just wanted to introduce myself. Iím 26- no husband, no kids, just me living on my own. Iíve been sober for 94 days now (had to stop and think about that!). So far, so good. I went to detox in June and a day program after that. Kinda got pushed into it by my parents but Iím definitely glad it happened. I knew I had a problem with alcohol but kept telling myself Iíd deal with it later. I just kept putting it off cause it was easier that way. I met a lot of really nice people in detox that I would never in a million years guess had a problem like me. But then again, you wouldnít guess I have a problem just by looking at me.

My problem started slowly but gained steam over the years. Started off just as normal experimentation in high school, then got more frequent in college cause it was more readily available. Even then, Iíd drink by myself a lot but itís easier to convince yourself everythingís fine when youíre in the college mentality. I kept on drinking by myself after graduation. Sometimes I had roommates, sometimes I lived by myself, but the drinking was a constant. I heard someone on the radio a few weeks ago talking about being a ďfunctioning alcoholicĒ and I guess thatís what I was. Only my closest friends knew the severity of my problem. I went to work every day with no problems. I handled my business but when I came home at night I was sure as hell gonna throw back some drinks. Rum and diet coke was my drink of choice and Iíd go through about a liter every night. Looking back, that amount of alcohol seems crazy. How am I alive right now?

When I first came home from detox it was really strange to be in my apartment at night and not drink. I was really, really, really bored. I had isolated myself from a lot of people as my drinking got worse cause I didnít want anyone to realize. No one was calling me to do stuff cause they knew Iíd say no. I had to really make an effort to reconnect with friends and those first few weeks were extremely lonely. Fast forward three months and things have gotten easier for me. Iíve told my friends and theyíre very supportive but sometimes I almost feel like they donít take it seriously as me. I guess no one can truly understand what itís like unless theyíve been there themself.

It is kind of depressing to think that Iíll never have another drink in my life (if I know whatís good for me). I have no desire to get completely wasted by myself- I know how destructive that can be. But Iíd like to be able hang out with my friends, watch the sunset, and throw back a few beers after a rough day. Nothing crazy! I asked my doctor if I would ever be able to go to a cookout and have one or two beers or if that was completely out of the question for me. He asked me if I knew that if I didnít lock my door there was a 20% chance that Iíd get robbed, would I leave my door unlocked? I said no, thatíd just be stupid. He said that more than likely, I would be fine if I had a few social beers. But thereís a chance that doing that would lead me right back to where I started from and unless I try, thereís no way of knowing. Do I really want to take that chance? I have to keep reminding myself that. They told us in the day program I went to that after a while you lose sight of how quickly you can fall back into your old habits and you really have to make a conscious effort. Itís so easy to think having one or two drinks will be no big deal but I have to squash that thought when it enters my head.

One thing Iím wondering about music. I used to really enjoy listening to music when I was drinking and since I stopped, I donít enjoy it nearly as much. I thought this was something thatíd go back to normal over time but it hasnít. Has anyone else had this experience with music? Does it get better? I still love music but itís just not the same. Hard to explain.

Another question- Iíve heard from several people that youíre not supposed to begin a romantic relationship for at least a year after you stop drinking. I guess so you have time to yourself to make sure you have your head on straight? I finally feel like Iím in the right state of mind to have a real, adult, sober relationship, but at the same time, I donít want to jeopardize the progress Iíve made. Thoughts on this?

I donít know exactly what I hope to gain from posting on here but it seems like it couldnít hurt, right?! I enjoy reading the posts and hopefully Iíll have something to contribute. Nice to meet you guys!
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Old 09-12-2009, 06:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you're doing so well.

For me, not drinking at all, is so much easier and less stressful, than thinking about social drinking. I know that I would soon be obsessing about drinking and it would take over my mind. I SO love to be free of the obsession.

My experience with music is different. I had loved music and it was always a part of my life. When I began drinking, I quickly lost interest in it. In recovery, one of the first things I did was to begin to listen to music again. And, it has brought me so much joy!

As for the romantic relationships, I think you know whether or not it's a good idea to begin a relationship at this time. Do you feel like you have a firm grasp of who you are and what you want out of life?
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Old 09-12-2009, 06:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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((Tiac26))

It is really important 2 not form a relationship, so U can focus on your recovery that 1st year, but I have known many that have and have done well....
94 days is great, keep it up. I know about wanting 2 drink and thinking about the long haul about never drinking again. 2 me, I can not, I'm a alcoholic, I can not have just 1 or 2. One is too much and 10 is not enough.
Stay strong.
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Old 09-12-2009, 06:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hello & welcome to the Sober Recovery community.
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Old 09-12-2009, 07:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Heya Tiac, good to have you here and congrat's on your 94 day accomplishment. What I'd give to have had my parents force me into some sort of rehab when I was 26.

Your question about music is a good one. The music I listen to now has changed a lot since I've stopped drinking. When I drank, I was a die-hard blues person. Blues and Jim Beam went together like peanut butter and jelly. I have to be careful when/where I listen to certain types of music now. If it's something that triggers, I'll only listen to it at work, or where I'm safe. Ninety percent of the time now though, the music I listen to is nothing close to what I listened to when I drank. Have fun experimenting though - you'll find the music that takes you into LaLa Land soon.
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Old 09-12-2009, 08:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Glad you are choosing sobriety....Welcome ...

When I sponsor in AA I ask they wait until they
have completed formal 12 Step work before
beginning a relationship. Those that do....seem to
be more secure about connecting...

Jazz and drinking were paired for me. Listening sober
made me antsy for awhile. I switched to Classical
and find it's more interesting.

Keep in focus...you are winning over alcohol
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Old 09-13-2009, 04:58 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! A great place for support and understanding.
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Old 09-13-2009, 06:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi tiac!!! What a great post. I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you. Nice to meet you too.

I'll throw my 3 cents in on the relationship thing. I think the whole idea is to take the time for you right now. Not to rush into anything emotional.....something that could cause a set back. Take things slow for you. As you stated, this whole sobriety thing takes some adjusting.

Welcome to SR!! This site is great as I'm sure you'll soon find out for yourself.
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:04 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR. I think it's awesome you are choosing to clean up your life at your age.

I was a drunk for 30 years.

I hope you don't chance having just a couple of beers and trade it for 30 years of hell.

Very glad you are here. Please stay and let us know how your story unfolds.
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Old 09-14-2009, 10:38 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Thank you everyone! I appreciate the responses. I guess I'll just continue to take it one day at time. Last night I had a really rough night at work and I would have normally come home and drank all my troubles away. It was kinda nice to just crash and get up today at a reasonable hour! Have a wonderful day
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Old 09-14-2009, 10:50 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi tiac. I wanted desperately to be able to drink socially. When I was 26 I was still managing my drinking and it was all fun. Over the years my dependence on it grew. I was a slave by the time I hit my 50's. I would suspect that if there was a need for you to go to detox there would be a huge risk in picking up again. I hope you'll figure out what's best for you and that you won't gamble with your life and health (like I did). Wishing you all the best - hope you stick around for awhile and let us know how it's going for you.
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Old 09-14-2009, 11:59 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi Tiac, and welcome to SR.

I could relate to a lot of your post, especially the boredom part.

Stay around some, keep posting. There's lots of support here...

-TB, bored too
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:37 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi Tiac

I seemed to have missed you in all the hubbub - welcome to SR

Not drinking again forever for me was scary - but it was something I needed to do - so I took it day by day...for me it 'took' and I'm glad it did.

I hope we can help you work out what your way might be too
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Old 09-14-2009, 02:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Thanks for sharing your story, tiac, and welcome.

Oh, and 94 days is no small feat. Congrats!
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Old 09-14-2009, 02:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Tiac
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:21 PM   #16 (permalink)
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welcome!!!
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:59 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hello Tiac, welcome to SR...I can relate to just about everything you have posted. Today im 76 days sober, and Im 27 years old single & no kids. I know how you feel about never being able to take a drink again (I often ponder that thought), but I know if I take that 1st drink it would prolly lead to death or prison...I must remind myself that my addiction wants me dead....also I have to take it 1 day at a time.......The thing about music I can relate as well, a lot of times music was part of my partying, now no partying no music, i hope it gets better, cuz I loved going to concerts and stuff but drink always played a huge part......And the thing about relationships, whew, I think im growing into a person that is now finally capable of being in a relationship that can now be based on honesty and love in which i was incapable before, but my sponsor says to wait a year because we change so much in one year that we will attract differ people, and we will know how to handle relationships better......But happy to see you getting SOBER....And just wanted you to know that Im in the same boat, KEEP IT UP!!!!!!
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Old 10-13-2009, 04:40 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Hi Tiac,

You already know the answer to your own question, as Dee mentioned.. look at your first posts on here. You have gone through detox so you already know the deal.

Time to get out & get active, find your passions & build relationships. I too have struggle with alienating myself sometimes, put some effort into getting out & active its worth it. You can do this!

Take Care,

NB

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiac26 View Post
Hi everyone! Iím new here.. Just wanted to introduce myself. Iím 26- no husband, no kids, just me living on my own. Iíve been sober for 94 days now (had to stop and think about that!). So far, so good. I went to detox in June and a day program after that. Kinda got pushed into it by my parents but Iím definitely glad it happened. I knew I had a problem with alcohol but kept telling myself Iíd deal with it later. I just kept putting it off cause it was easier that way. I met a lot of really nice people in detox that I would never in a million years guess had a problem like me. But then again, you wouldnít guess I have a problem just by looking at me.

My problem started slowly but gained steam over the years. Started off just as normal experimentation in high school, then got more frequent in college cause it was more readily available. Even then, Iíd drink by myself a lot but itís easier to convince yourself everythingís fine when youíre in the college mentality. I kept on drinking by myself after graduation. Sometimes I had roommates, sometimes I lived by myself, but the drinking was a constant. I heard someone on the radio a few weeks ago talking about being a ďfunctioning alcoholicĒ and I guess thatís what I was. Only my closest friends knew the severity of my problem. I went to work every day with no problems. I handled my business but when I came home at night I was sure as hell gonna throw back some drinks. Rum and diet coke was my drink of choice and Iíd go through about a liter every night. Looking back, that amount of alcohol seems crazy. How am I alive right now?

When I first came home from detox it was really strange to be in my apartment at night and not drink. I was really, really, really bored. I had isolated myself from a lot of people as my drinking got worse cause I didnít want anyone to realize. No one was calling me to do stuff cause they knew Iíd say no. I had to really make an effort to reconnect with friends and those first few weeks were extremely lonely. Fast forward three months and things have gotten easier for me. Iíve told my friends and theyíre very supportive but sometimes I almost feel like they donít take it seriously as me. I guess no one can truly understand what itís like unless theyíve been there themself.

It is kind of depressing to think that Iíll never have another drink in my life (if I know whatís good for me). I have no desire to get completely wasted by myself- I know how destructive that can be. But Iíd like to be able hang out with my friends, watch the sunset, and throw back a few beers after a rough day. Nothing crazy! I asked my doctor if I would ever be able to go to a cookout and have one or two beers or if that was completely out of the question for me. He asked me if I knew that if I didnít lock my door there was a 20% chance that Iíd get robbed, would I leave my door unlocked? I said no, thatíd just be stupid. He said that more than likely, I would be fine if I had a few social beers. But thereís a chance that doing that would lead me right back to where I started from and unless I try, thereís no way of knowing. Do I really want to take that chance? I have to keep reminding myself that. They told us in the day program I went to that after a while you lose sight of how quickly you can fall back into your old habits and you really have to make a conscious effort. Itís so easy to think having one or two drinks will be no big deal but I have to squash that thought when it enters my head.

One thing Iím wondering about music. I used to really enjoy listening to music when I was drinking and since I stopped, I donít enjoy it nearly as much. I thought this was something thatíd go back to normal over time but it hasnít. Has anyone else had this experience with music? Does it get better? I still love music but itís just not the same. Hard to explain.

Another question- Iíve heard from several people that youíre not supposed to begin a romantic relationship for at least a year after you stop drinking. I guess so you have time to yourself to make sure you have your head on straight? I finally feel like Iím in the right state of mind to have a real, adult, sober relationship, but at the same time, I donít want to jeopardize the progress Iíve made. Thoughts on this?

I donít know exactly what I hope to gain from posting on here but it seems like it couldnít hurt, right?! I enjoy reading the posts and hopefully Iíll have something to contribute. Nice to meet you guys!
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