Slipped again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 26
Slipped again
Why can't I do this? I went out with an old friend last night, and sure enough, one drink turned into one dozen. I blacked out. I don't remember getting home, when apparently I drove. I've got a huge scratch down my arm from falling against something. Here we go again. I was doing so well, and I'm back to square one. I hate this. I hate myself when I do this.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Don't know, Priss, 'else I wouldn't keep doing it myself.
Hating yourself doesn't take you anywhere you want to be. Might as well just dust off and start again... You're not the first to fall off and come back.
And, hey, you got a huge scratch for a reminder for a while what it was like...
TB
Hating yourself doesn't take you anywhere you want to be. Might as well just dust off and start again... You're not the first to fall off and come back.
And, hey, you got a huge scratch for a reminder for a while what it was like...
TB
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
My one drinks always turned into a dozen too, Priss. That's why I had to stop all together - in the end, it was never predictable. I wasted years on trial and error - thinking willpower alone would do it for me. It never worked even once. It's terrifying to realize you've driven home and don't even remember it. Please try again, Priss.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by 51anna 
Early recovery involves a lot of changes and hard decisions.
For me, I had to stay away from certain people and places, and I was not able to be around people who were drinking.
For me, I had to stay away from certain people and places, and I was not able to be around people who were drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 249
Hang in there Priss,
it's a hard demon to battle. Don't beat yourself up about it. Get back on track and focus on your goals, on the life you want, and on the things you want for yourself.
There is amazing support here....come post and read and remember this feeling you have right now and every time you think of picking up remember this. What it's like to drive home without remembering and putting all those lives, including your own, in danger. The scratches and bruises that you don't know how you got.
Chin up and carry on!!! =)
HUGS,
Reb
it's a hard demon to battle. Don't beat yourself up about it. Get back on track and focus on your goals, on the life you want, and on the things you want for yourself.
There is amazing support here....come post and read and remember this feeling you have right now and every time you think of picking up remember this. What it's like to drive home without remembering and putting all those lives, including your own, in danger. The scratches and bruises that you don't know how you got.
Chin up and carry on!!! =)
HUGS,
Reb
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 27
It took me a couple of times to get it through my head that:
1. Drinking ANY amount is a bad idea for me, and
2. There's a huge difference between "stopping" and "recovering."
It's tough to be in a familiar situation like that, don't be so hard on yourself Priss - just learn from it and move on. Figuring out #2 really put everything in to perspective and made it easier to handle situations like you were in. Don't give up, you can do it.
1. Drinking ANY amount is a bad idea for me, and
2. There's a huge difference between "stopping" and "recovering."
It's tough to be in a familiar situation like that, don't be so hard on yourself Priss - just learn from it and move on. Figuring out #2 really put everything in to perspective and made it easier to handle situations like you were in. Don't give up, you can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 26
I've tried AA meetings in the past, but I don't really like them all that much. I mean, I know they work for some people, unfortunately I don't seem to be one of them. I've got a couple of friends that don't drink. I guess I'll look to them for support. I don't know. I feel so hopeless.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 249
Hey Priss,
I don't work AA, I am doing this on my own as well. Going to your friends for support is a great idea. What about counseling or therapy of some sort. I am seeing an addiction counselor that is working wonders for me. There are also a lot of other methods that have worked for others. It's NOT hopeless and your NOT hopeless. These feelings will pass....look at some other options....and keep posting =)
I don't work AA, I am doing this on my own as well. Going to your friends for support is a great idea. What about counseling or therapy of some sort. I am seeing an addiction counselor that is working wonders for me. There are also a lot of other methods that have worked for others. It's NOT hopeless and your NOT hopeless. These feelings will pass....look at some other options....and keep posting =)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi Priss,
I don't think anyone is hopeless till they stop trying. Posting here means you're still trying, so lean on this bunch till your hope rebounds. Day 2, it gets better, day three, a little more...you get the picture. I'm on day ten and don't feel so hopeless, but I've been there before, thanks to alcohol. Funny, I never really feel hopeless when I haven't drank for awhile, in fact not drinking makes me feel great, then I go out thinking I can handle it again. Never works for me.
I don't think anyone is hopeless till they stop trying. Posting here means you're still trying, so lean on this bunch till your hope rebounds. Day 2, it gets better, day three, a little more...you get the picture. I'm on day ten and don't feel so hopeless, but I've been there before, thanks to alcohol. Funny, I never really feel hopeless when I haven't drank for awhile, in fact not drinking makes me feel great, then I go out thinking I can handle it again. Never works for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
Hey Priss.
I used to think that when I quit drinking that I was recovered and I never had to worry about going back to that life. How foolish it was for me to think that I could somehow just be recovered and never have to worry again. Foolish because that way of thinking just doesn't jive with how my alcoholism geared mind works. When I drink, something different happens where I just don't want to stop. I could get into all the scientific mumbo jumbo about it but that's something you can do for yourself. Assuming you haven't already done this I recommend you read two very important books. They are Under the Influence and Beyond the Influence. Those two books will give you much insight into alcoholism.
I started this with saying that it was foolish for me to think that when I stopped drinking that I was recovered. I have come to the realization that recovery for me is a lifelong endeavor. I can never stop recovering. The day I begin to think that I can handle just one drink is the day that I stop recovering and start falling back into active addiction.
I used to think that when I quit drinking that I was recovered and I never had to worry about going back to that life. How foolish it was for me to think that I could somehow just be recovered and never have to worry again. Foolish because that way of thinking just doesn't jive with how my alcoholism geared mind works. When I drink, something different happens where I just don't want to stop. I could get into all the scientific mumbo jumbo about it but that's something you can do for yourself. Assuming you haven't already done this I recommend you read two very important books. They are Under the Influence and Beyond the Influence. Those two books will give you much insight into alcoholism.
I started this with saying that it was foolish for me to think that when I stopped drinking that I was recovered. I have come to the realization that recovery for me is a lifelong endeavor. I can never stop recovering. The day I begin to think that I can handle just one drink is the day that I stop recovering and start falling back into active addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 26
I know everyone is concerned about my driving, and believe me, no one feels worse about it than I do. I'm really not a horrible person. It's not like I thought "Let's see how many lives I can risk tonight". You just don't think when you're drinking. It's not an excuse, it's the truth. I know better. Enough judgment.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Originally Posted by Priss
I know everyone is concerned about my driving, and believe me, no one feels worse about it than I do. I'm really not a horrible person. It's not like I thought "Let's see how many lives I can risk tonight". You just don't think when you're drinking. It's not an excuse, it's the truth. I know better. Enough judgment.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Priss...
No judgement here. You aren't a horrible person...I didn't see that anyone said you were. You are like so many of us here, dealing with an alcohol problem.
You reached out your hand for some help...and we are trying to grab a hold of it.
The first step besides you admit you have a problem, is to quit drinking.
We can share what has helped us on the path of recovery.
If you are ready and willing to accept the help.
No judgement here. You aren't a horrible person...I didn't see that anyone said you were. You are like so many of us here, dealing with an alcohol problem.
You reached out your hand for some help...and we are trying to grab a hold of it.
The first step besides you admit you have a problem, is to quit drinking.
We can share what has helped us on the path of recovery.
If you are ready and willing to accept the help.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Welcome back.. I don't see any judgement here either, I don't think you'll find support for driving drunk here (or anywhere!).. I'll add my vote to the 'stop drinking and driving' opinion as well.
You never have to worry about this stuff again, if you choose.
Glad you reached out.
You never have to worry about this stuff again, if you choose.
Glad you reached out.
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