Auschick

I have to type while I can think. Actually I have to state how I feel while I can still think.

Do/did you ever feel like you where on a mery'go'round?

Do/did you ever feel like you where on a roundabout and couldn't find the exit?

I feel like a broken record, my age is creeping higher, life around me has expanded and progressed and I am weathering the damage done by all the poor choices and am still stuck at the age where my addiction started. I have been going around in circles for 16yrs at the bare minimum.

I just needed to input my thought's, it is half the frustration of where I am at.

Thankyou.

tallcactus

((Auschick))
Yes, know about the merry go round and round...and I fell off, lots of bumps/scrapes.
U have 2 know how 2 get off. It takes time 2 figure it out, but then U know what U have to do.
All those 'poor choices' need 2 B let go. Help yourself. Start...right now. U truely know what U need 2 do. Don't focus on the regetts. Admit that U need help, which U have done...isn't that Y U R here. It will get better, this I promise. Find AA/NA, go to a meeting and realize that U R not alone...gain better coping skills.
U R on the right track, now get moving...
Stay strong. Do not drink or use, Just for now, in this minute.

Boomslang

I just recently stepped off the not-so-merry-go-round. It's a big step, but so worth it. Tallcactus said it right - "you know what you need to do" and you CAN do it, there's lots of people here for you.

NewBeginning010

Hi Auschick, are you sober now or are you working on your sobriety? Yep, we have been avoiding life for a long time with our drinking & avoiding life decisions while doing so.

There is an escape from that ride if you work on it but it is tough even when you get off of it because we are so use to spinning in circles (drinking) so getting off & having a clear view of everything is also a shock.

We are all here for you, keep sharing & let us know how we can help.

Take Care,

NB

yeahgr8

Yeah course it's a vicious circle of addictive behaviour! Mine lasted 20 yrs and i was already set up to 'just add substances' by about the age of 8. So i'm like 38 with the emotional maturity of a young teen lol but thats ok:-)

Hope you get off before you thrown off!

penny74

l feel like l am worse off than 25 years ago, and all my friends have become succesfull people.


It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn't match what you dreamed it would be.
Randy K. Milholland,

Auschick

Thankyou all who replied,
I know where I am at (not a great place), I know what i want (freedom from this DRUG, and I have come to term's with the fact that it is a DRUG) I struggle big times with the term ALCOHOLIC. I don't like that word/term or even the word addict. I don't wish or try to kid myself that I can handle alcohol, I CANT.
I will do whatever it takes, I have too much to lose and I have already lost a lot. I also know it is down to me, I have to do this I have too much to lose if I don't. SR is what is helping me remember that.

It is what I want
It is what I need
I will put in everything I have to get that.

I am POSITIVE, I need to be.

Thankyou all

Dee74

As you can see Auschick you're not alone.
There is a way off the merry go round - but we have to stop drinking to do that.

Every one here is in your corner - you can do this

D

Dee74

Hi Boomslang
congrats on getting off the ride!

welcome to SR
D

Auschick

Please don't feel that way, I have been, and have felt that way too. The best thing for me right now is not to expect myself to live up to what I think other's including my own husband expect or accept me to live up to, or expect me to be.
I have been there before I will get there again, IF it feels right at the time, I need to be in a healthy place first. I don't know if you have the option to "not work" and that is a luxury most of us probably can't afford.
If I chose to take a job that didn't suit others expectation's I just wouldn't tell them, if they found out and no longer accepted me then to buggery with them.

You do what you have to do, you are the only person that is living your life, I am living my own version of your life too, but it's not the same. I will never feel exactly what you are going through, nor will you ever get exactly how I feel.
I believe I can get to be where I need to be, I believe you can too.

Best wishes,
PJ

penny74

Dear Auschick,
Thank you for your kind words.
l am sure l will get here in the end.
It's the road l am taking that is a bit bumpy and there are things on my travel that l can't do anything about.
The cards that life deal.

Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process.

vegibean

Hey Auschick. I like to say mine is more like a roller coaster because there are so many ups and downs........for me. One minute I'm thrilled about what I have accomplished and then another minute I'm pained by the "wreckage of my past."

When I look back though I cannot compare. I would rather struggle today knowing that I still have a life, I'm getting older too, but it is never too late to go for your dreams and goals.

I can promise you though, if you do the work and you really want a life of sobriety, IT WILL GET BETTER!!! I don't even know you and you don't even know me but that promise that it will get better??? You can take that to the bank.

Keep reading and posting. You have tons of support here. These people will be here to cheer your accomplishments and wrap their cyber arms around you when things get tough. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hevyn

Hi Auschick! Yes, to all the questions you raised - I was hugely confused and disoriented early on. As Vegi said, it will get better - you will get used to & love the new person who is evolving from what you once were. After reflecting on the past for a bit, we really must allow ourselves to move past it. We didn't intend to create a living hell for ourselves, it just happened. We must forgive & love ourselves. We're glad you are here. Let us know how it's going for you. (P.S. Thanks for teaching me a new phrase: "To buggery with them" - I'll be using it often.)

Firehazard

Hello Aushick, Yep we have been there and still feel like that but the only way out for me has

been to go in the exact opposite direction with my attitude and be grateful for the small things in life. Had to quit the poor me attitude. I know its hard but to begin to live for today not tommorow or yesterday was key.

Also a big one was I had to stop drinking and using.