girloverboard

i cant stop.
argh
im sorry to make you mad
i shouldnt be here

Boleo

This is EXACTLY where you should be.

Don't worry about who gets mad. Mad beats worried any day.

We are just desperate to stop you from digging a deeper hole.

Your bottom is the place where you stop digging.

Ago

If you have a desire to stop you are in the right place

these folks are just worried about you and scared for you

The elevator can't keep taking you lower if you just step off it, it seems hard, but it's not, not once you stop fighting and surrender, surrender means come to the winning team, and some buttmunch that is making you sleep with him for drugs isn't on "your team".

Sikkisirus

There's only 2 ways I can see open for you:

Door 1. Sex for drugs then carry on downward ever more into a sordid world.

Door 2. Accept you have hit the bottom, cut the dealer out of your life and get help with your addiction.

Not easy but a heck of a lot easier than having to resort to selling your body for a line or two.

Im not mad at you btw.

jamdls

Don't do this to yourself since you can't stop on your own get help and get it NOW. Guess that boyfriend doesn't mean chit to you if you are willing to trade sex for dope.

lostbutterfly

I'm not going to judge you because I put booze and drugs over my own children, let alone my morals.

Just know that there are many in the rooms of AA and NA who have done what you are doing, and a whole lot worse. Perhaps you should go meet them sometime?

Take care of yourself in the meantime.
LB x

Aysha

I'm not mad either. I am really scared for you. You can stop. Any time you are ready. When it gets sickening enough for you to want to.
Addiction by itself is destructive. Selling yourself just takes it that much further into the darkness.
I cant tell you what to do. I can only tell you what I have been through.
If knew then what I know now. Its like that with all of us in all aspects of our addictions.

That is a line you do not want to cross. It makes too easy to kill yourself faster.
And not to mention the self respect you will lose along with whatever you have lost already.
That dealer will manilpulate you everytime with that. Treat you like a POS. And think your going to do whatever he wants because he has what you need.
Dont give him that power.

NewBeginning010

It might be a good time for a meeting or to let your parents/family know what is going on.

I hope you make the right decision here.

Take Care,

NB

recycle

Overboard, I don't think anybody is mad at you, certainly not if you are seeking help. But if are you seeking help or some sort of tacit permission to boink your dealer for a couple of lines, you are not going to get a lot of sympathy from anybody - including the dealer.

I have been here a week and I am amazed at the quality people here, I can't say when I met a nicer more supportive group. But they are not a bunch gurus doling out recovery here either. It just doesn't work that way. I hope your decision does not cost you too much emotionally, physically, or spiritually. If Aysha's experience does not scare the crap out of you, maybe you should reread it. I don't think she was bragging, and I don't think she was complaining, and I feel certain that she would have preferred to not to have relived that part of her life even by writing it down. If it was me I would feel like someone gave me gift, a view of the future that I doubt you want.

Sikkisirus

A great post. Agree 100%

vegibean

I think she has every right to be here. Let's not all forget where we came from???? How far down did you go?? I truly feel no one here should be throwing stones in glass houses.

Anna

Please know that we are not here to judge.

I hope you don't trade sex for drugs, but I will definitely not judge you in any way. One of the great lessons of recovery that I have learned is, that I know we are all trying to find our way, and we all need support.

Keep reading and posting here.

Mark75

I don't have a lot to say, being a man and all...

But I will say that what recycle said about Aysha's post was dead on.... When I first read her post, I though the same thing... what a selfless gift Aysha gave girloverboard...

I hope the girl understands that

Mark

Aysha

I hate to see anyone go to that extreme for drugs. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of the things I have done. The nasty men I have had to deal with.
I can think of alot better things to brag about..Thats for sure.
Not to hijack..But now I find it hard to even attempt a normal relationship with anyone. I feel like I am punching a time clock..If that makes any sense.
Sex repulses me. Men repulse me at times.
This isnt something I go telling people. In fact I have never out right said it even on here until matty's thread on that list thing he had a couple weeks ago.
I am very ashamed. But I cant let it hold me back. I am just so lucky to be alive and disease free. You know how many HIV scares I have had? It is nerve racking.

If I can prevent just one person from selling their soul like that. I will spill my guts on everything I can on anything.
I am not the only one who has gone that path here. So there are others that know what I mean.
I am so dead serious when I say that you will never be the same in some way after doing that.

And as for the chat thing..I am not mad you were talking about doing lines. Because I now have the sense enough to remove myself from a situation that will make me uncomfortable. Thats why I left. Not so much because you were saying what you were saying. But I cant be around that kind of setting. I am not that far clean. So I chosse to step away. As much as I would have wanted to help you. I need to look out for myself first. I know that sounds selfish. but to me it isnt. I am no ggod to myself or anyone else if I am on shakey ground.
I so hope you do not even attempt to follow through with that rediculous proposition. I hope you dont look back and say.. I wish I had listened. I wish I had thought it through more. I wish I had stopped right there.
I know alot of girls that didnt make it back. They died either from AIDS, suicide, or murder.
This is the real deal. I hope you relize how serious all of this is. Not just selling your body. But using drugs and even thinking about doing those unspeakable things.
My heart hurts for you. I dont pray much. But I am praying for you hon.

Dee74

It's time to make some good choices girloverboard.
I really hope you knock this idea on the head.

There's a lot of support here - please use it
D

Taking5

Sending up a prayer for you girloverboard. Please don't do this. Make this your bottom. get help now, we are here, and NA is here for you.

Gypsy Feet

Zencat

That's what drug addiction dose girloverboard. Over time one losses significant control of their behaviors when seeking out to satisfy the compulsion to use. As the addiction continues to progress the drug seeking behaviors become more and more desperate, as you are now experiencing.

Please commit (with all your heart) to practicing addiction treatment. A better life awaits for your participation.

CAPTAINZING2000

When, I took drugs and drank, I lowered my standards. I could justify it by saying, if i ever get as bad as that guy, I'll stop. I finally ran out of people to compare my bad behavior with.

onelifeonly

I really, really hope that you are able to make the choice to get some help. You must know you need help, or you would not be here. I just hope that you will see that you are worth more than that.