Feeling Heartbroken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 49
Feeling Heartbroken
Another weekend of too much alcohol. I tried not buying any hard stuff and went to my favorite local haunt. I am feeling so heartbroken these days. My wife is back on the east coast handling the sale of our house and if she knew how much I have been drinking, she would be very sad. I am numbing myself and am so emo. I don't want to be this way, I don't want to be an alcoholic, but every Monday to start the work week, no matter how much I tried, I feel like sh!t. I just want to be normal but that voice inside me keeps calling. I have so much fun with my friends at the bar, and I think I drink a lot less than they do, but there is this sadness in me that I cannot do anything with. I don't feel it when I am with them, but I sure do feel it now. I feel ashamed of myself that I drank too yesterday while watching the tennis. I feel like no matter what I do, I will end up in the same place. Life has stopped being rewarding. I hate the place I live in. Hopefully, my wife will be coming soon to San Diego, and I could not live like I am living now when she is here. I keep coming back to SR but I don't do anything about the drink. I want to be normal, I don't want to be addicted. I want to be able to have my fun but not everyday in the drink. I am scared about what this might mean. I feel teary eyed all the time unless I am drinking. I post here and you all are so kind, but I don't stop the drink. I don't know if I want to. Its a bad cycle I know and outside of that everything is going so well. I hide out in my apartment, and I am depressed. My doc has perscribed remeron for me and that helps me sleep but I would rather be off that meds than give up the alcohol. I am afraid of what this means. I want to be different. Does this make sense to anyone out there?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 34
I can identify with feeling so down and the only time not is when drinking. I understand AIA...I'd just put in nine days sober and thought I'd feel the better for it, but on the wknd I had some drinks and didn't feel any worse for wear because of it and it took me away from the feeling of sadness and despair for a time. So I guess I just reinforced the feeling I get from drinking...obviously I don't have the answers! Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your feelings..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Addiction defies logic, JerryBear. There is no logic at all in what we do to ourselves and to those who love us.
You DO need to take the first step out of the vicious cycle. It could be saying 'No' to your friends (at least for awhile). It could be staying away from the 'old haunts'. It could be never keeping any alcohol in the house. Do whatever it takes to take that first step. It will have a ripple effect in your life.
You DO need to take the first step out of the vicious cycle. It could be saying 'No' to your friends (at least for awhile). It could be staying away from the 'old haunts'. It could be never keeping any alcohol in the house. Do whatever it takes to take that first step. It will have a ripple effect in your life.
being me
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 252
Hi JerryBear,
I too am in early sobriety and looking to break the cycle. I have come to understand (after many, many, tries) that I am not a 'normal' drinker. I can control my drinking for awhile, but soon enough, it will control me.
I got some sober time last year, but then lost it. What I did differently was start going to counseling. What many others do is AA or other f2f meetings. I am considering going to some SMART f2f meetings in my area. I also read "Under the Influence" and "Beyond the Influence" and got a supportive family member to do the same.
There is lots of good advice around here on what to do differently. Someone posted the other day to the effect to look at what others who are successful are doing that you are not doing and pick one of those things to try.
You can do this. Take care.
I too am in early sobriety and looking to break the cycle. I have come to understand (after many, many, tries) that I am not a 'normal' drinker. I can control my drinking for awhile, but soon enough, it will control me.
I got some sober time last year, but then lost it. What I did differently was start going to counseling. What many others do is AA or other f2f meetings. I am considering going to some SMART f2f meetings in my area. I also read "Under the Influence" and "Beyond the Influence" and got a supportive family member to do the same.
There is lots of good advice around here on what to do differently. Someone posted the other day to the effect to look at what others who are successful are doing that you are not doing and pick one of those things to try.
You can do this. Take care.
Last edited by CarolD; 09-09-2009 at 05:10 AM. Reason: Typo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Beachside
Posts: 41
It sounds like you are going through emotional turmoil...hating where you live, being without your wife. If you're like me, you're drinking to cover up the pain...it's better to do something about the pain instead. For me, financial troubles have made me lose my business and now possibly the house we own. I've been avoiding doing what is necessary to save our house...and instead, just pick up a drink. I think I need to face the problems and take care of them rather than drink.
Is there anything you can do to get your wife to San Diego with you sooner? Is there anything you can do instead of stopping at your local haunt for fun? Go to the beach, go to the gym, take up a hobby?
I also agree with grrr, perhaps a face to face support system. I'm dreading it, but I'm thinking about finding a local meeting of some sort, or a therapist, or just a friend I can actually tell my real problems to instead of hiding them from everyone.
Is there anything you can do to get your wife to San Diego with you sooner? Is there anything you can do instead of stopping at your local haunt for fun? Go to the beach, go to the gym, take up a hobby?
I also agree with grrr, perhaps a face to face support system. I'm dreading it, but I'm thinking about finding a local meeting of some sort, or a therapist, or just a friend I can actually tell my real problems to instead of hiding them from everyone.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
The freedom that I feel now that I'm no longer actively addicted to alcohol is amazing, rewarding, fulfilling, and peaceful.
As long as I drank, I felt none of those things.
Drinking is my choice, and I choose not to.
Until you decide otherwise, I'm afraid most stories show, it will only get worse.
Only when I surrendered to the fact that I could no longer drink, and got help for what was motivating me to keep drinking, was I released from the obsession and misery that alcohol had brought into my life.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.. but you seem well aware of that.
This takes ACTION on your part.. inaction will eventually cost you everything.
As long as I drank, I felt none of those things.
Drinking is my choice, and I choose not to.
Until you decide otherwise, I'm afraid most stories show, it will only get worse.
Only when I surrendered to the fact that I could no longer drink, and got help for what was motivating me to keep drinking, was I released from the obsession and misery that alcohol had brought into my life.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.. but you seem well aware of that.
This takes ACTION on your part.. inaction will eventually cost you everything.
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
I can so identify with you on this one. I have been there, I was in the absolute depths of despair and thought that there was no way out. I felt ashamed, guilty, remorseful and just like I was this awful person. That if people really knew the real me they wouldn't like me.
You've admitted yourself - you aren't doing anything about your drinking. You know what you need to do my lovely so it's time to get a bit of action.
Find out where your local AA meeting is, or call the AA helpline for your area and they will send someone to get you or you can meet someone. I know it's not easy - but that one action could make all the difference in your life. It could be the start of the rest of your life.
Few pointers for you if you don't mind me saying...it's just what we say at the beginning of my group meeting.
If you can stay away from that first drink...just for today...even just for this hour. If you don't take one drink....then you wont need another one. I know you love being with your mates but you need to keep sober company. And you will find that in the rooms of AA. If I lived near you Jerry I'd be right there taking you to a meeting!
Accept a cyber hug instead. I am here for you and you know what...if you put a bit of work in...you'll never feel this way again. You're not alone. Keep sharing until you get to meetings...and continue to share after. You know what needs to be done and I really look forward to hearing more from you xxx
You've admitted yourself - you aren't doing anything about your drinking. You know what you need to do my lovely so it's time to get a bit of action.
Find out where your local AA meeting is, or call the AA helpline for your area and they will send someone to get you or you can meet someone. I know it's not easy - but that one action could make all the difference in your life. It could be the start of the rest of your life.
Few pointers for you if you don't mind me saying...it's just what we say at the beginning of my group meeting.
If you can stay away from that first drink...just for today...even just for this hour. If you don't take one drink....then you wont need another one. I know you love being with your mates but you need to keep sober company. And you will find that in the rooms of AA. If I lived near you Jerry I'd be right there taking you to a meeting!
Accept a cyber hug instead. I am here for you and you know what...if you put a bit of work in...you'll never feel this way again. You're not alone. Keep sharing until you get to meetings...and continue to share after. You know what needs to be done and I really look forward to hearing more from you xxx
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,828
I think Smacked said it best above...quitting is only the first step. The real work is fixing the problems that made you start in the first place.
Only took me about 30 years to figure that out for myself!
Only took me about 30 years to figure that out for myself!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((JerryBear)))))
Try taking these 20 questions and be as honest as possible:
Then there is this also, which is in the Big Book of AA:
You have to decide for yourself is you are
alcoholic
problem drinker
alcohol dependent
whatever you want to call it. However, you seem to feel you do have a problem with alcohol as you are posting on this recovery site.
There are many ways to go about 'fixing' the problem and living comfortably in sobriety.
First step is to see your doctor and be honest.
Then with your doctors help there is Detox. After detox there are many ways to go ..................... In patient Rehab, Intensive Out Patient Treatment (IOP), SMART, Life Ring, AA, and on and on and on
Whatever you decide, it has to be YOUR choice, and it will require lots of HARD WORK. However, the rewards far outweigh the work.
Hope that helps a little bit.
Love and hugs,
Try taking these 20 questions and be as honest as possible:
Here are 20 Questions designed to help you determine how alcohol
has affected your life.
1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6. Have you got into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty sleeping?
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16. Do you drink alone?
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
If you have answered YES to any of the questions, there is a definite
warning that you may be alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to any 2, the chances are that you are an
alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to 3 or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.
How many questions did YOU answer YES to?
has affected your life.
1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6. Have you got into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty sleeping?
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16. Do you drink alone?
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
If you have answered YES to any of the questions, there is a definite
warning that you may be alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to any 2, the chances are that you are an
alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to 3 or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.
How many questions did YOU answer YES to?
If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if, when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.
alcoholic
problem drinker
alcohol dependent
whatever you want to call it. However, you seem to feel you do have a problem with alcohol as you are posting on this recovery site.
There are many ways to go about 'fixing' the problem and living comfortably in sobriety.
First step is to see your doctor and be honest.
Then with your doctors help there is Detox. After detox there are many ways to go ..................... In patient Rehab, Intensive Out Patient Treatment (IOP), SMART, Life Ring, AA, and on and on and on
Whatever you decide, it has to be YOUR choice, and it will require lots of HARD WORK. However, the rewards far outweigh the work.
Hope that helps a little bit.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 96
Jerry, if you keep doing the same things nothing will change. Get off the Merry-go-round and try..... see if you can make it one day, set yourself the challenge and go from there. In some of what you say you seem to have surrendered, you have to surrender to the fact that alcohol is robbing you of being yourself... you need to surrender to the fact that you need help and support... the sooner you do that... (lots of good advise here)... the sooner you can start on the right road. It took me week of being in SR and posting and asking until I stopped my long time relationship with Mr. Smirnoff..... if anything keep posting, you are amongst friends here. It's not easy, but it can be done and is done on a daily basis. Don't waste your time with guilt and shame, embrace positive influences, whether it is AA, spiritual, spouse, friends... they are guides to enlightenment and freedom. The feeling of not feeling like shite on Monday morning is really worth the effort alone!!! Good luck and I hope you find yourself and who your really are without alcohol leeching the 'you' out of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
((Jerry))
The hard, cold fact is U R in denial...
Please, just stop this 4 today, try the 30 day test, see if U can go that long.
Yes, we drink to medicate ourseves, I guess we are all doctors...LOL
Only U can see this.
Only U can know this.
It is up to U.
Y R U here @ SR ((Jerry))?
Quit now, get sober, live your life to the best and what God has intended 4 U.
Stay strong.
The hard, cold fact is U R in denial...
Please, just stop this 4 today, try the 30 day test, see if U can go that long.
Yes, we drink to medicate ourseves, I guess we are all doctors...LOL
Only U can see this.
Only U can know this.
It is up to U.
Y R U here @ SR ((Jerry))?
Quit now, get sober, live your life to the best and what God has intended 4 U.
Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Jerry...
Does it really matter if you are an alcoholic or not?
Could you be problem drinker on the way to becoming an alcoholic?
If you are using alcohol in a way that leaves you "heartbroken", then
it is a problem for you.
The question is,, what do you want to do change and heal your heart?
Does it really matter if you are an alcoholic or not?
Could you be problem drinker on the way to becoming an alcoholic?
If you are using alcohol in a way that leaves you "heartbroken", then
it is a problem for you.
The question is,, what do you want to do change and heal your heart?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Sask
Posts: 117
Originally Posted by JerryBear2009 
One thing important to note for my situation is that I have been involved with life coaches and therapists and each one has said that I am not an alcoholic. If they agree, what the heck am I?
Is your drinking making you feel shame and unhappy? Sounds like it is. That means it is a PROBLEM for YOU.
That much is clear, so quit debating wheter you are an alcoholic..it doesn't matter..................alcohol is NOT making you happy, you've told us that.
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
Has anyone ever substituted "drinking" for "thinking" on the 20 questions? Just a bit of a tangent but I heard a guy share that said that and it made me laugh...I passed that one too! On both occasions I got 20/20!
KCB.com/justfortoday :-)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 168
Jerry....do those therapists understand about the illness of alcoholism?
Ask them if they can explain the physical allergy and the mental obsession?
My psychiatrist told me I could drink again in my 50s! Where that came from I don't know. Plus would you rather be sitting in AA thinking you are an alcoholic or sitting in the pub trying to prove you're not? You are ill Jerry you are an alcoholic and it is an illness. There is a solution though - I'll post the doctors opinion in a bit - read that and see what you think. Please don't go back to drinking Jerry it doesn't work xxx
Ask them if they can explain the physical allergy and the mental obsession?
My psychiatrist told me I could drink again in my 50s! Where that came from I don't know. Plus would you rather be sitting in AA thinking you are an alcoholic or sitting in the pub trying to prove you're not? You are ill Jerry you are an alcoholic and it is an illness. There is a solution though - I'll post the doctors opinion in a bit - read that and see what you think. Please don't go back to drinking Jerry it doesn't work xxx
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