Endzoner has 6 years!!!
You have been a huge help and great friend to me!!!! 
7 
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
good morning to my SR family , and thank you so much for all the well wishes and congrats.. It hardly seems possible that I have gotten this far, And never in my life would of imagined that me , someone who has failed as so much in my life could make it this far in recovery or anything for that fact .
6 yrs ago today I woke up scrared outta my mind.. but it was a choice I had made the prior day to do, Didnt know how I was going to do this , As many of us all know .. Its what our life was all about, how would I do it with out drinking .. But the life I had wasnt anything to be proud of what kinda life was it .. it wasnt a life ! But deep in the tissue's of my mind I beleived it was all there was !
I didnt have anyone I could turn to , I was scared to be honnest with anyone esp myown self . But consaquences of my own actions (2 dwi's in less then 6 months apart ) was the kicker for me and I knew that something or someone spared my life, I should of been dead 10 times over or least hurt someone . And it was time to take action .
The first thing I did was picked up the phone and made my first call . My mom .. Id been hiding this facts from her , we never want our family to be dissapointed in us . She was upset that I had kept the secrets from her , but all in the same proud for standing up and admitting my faults , and takin actions to do something ( which I had no idea what at that moment ) , But I wanted something better in life . I knew it didnt have to be this way !
And thu all the BS and all the things I had done , She has stood by me 10000%, I dont know where I would of been with out her and my familys support . Its a hard thing to do, I wont kid ya, But in the end It was one the best hardest things I did In my life !
I took in Outpatient Treatment for 3 months and the biggest of learning experiences was Extended care ( for me it was ) Thats where the push came to find a program . For me It was AA . Now i wasnt going willingly mind you , I went cuz i wanted to graduate , I think in my own head i thought that I didnt need any program to stay sober, Well I dont knowif thats true or not and glad i didnt try and find out , because for me It helped create a foundation of my own choice to take what I want and leave the rest for another , I found people in them rooms who were going throught the same things and been in the same shoes I was wearing . Scared heck yah .. But I seen how compassionate and honnest they were . unlike anything the barstool tales say of the AA prog .. there not bible thumping crazy sorts . Today Im sober and Im soooo dam proud of my self I couldnt of dont it with out that kick in arse to try that Program , dont know less you try it , And I for one reallly liked it !
I couldnt of done it if i didnt get honnest with myself ( to thy self be true ) I couldnt of done it had i not found something to beleive in , its not important what it is , just as long as its something ..... something greater then ourselfs .
And this wonderful place called SR , It was a accident that I found this place and its been a cherished gift , Ive met so many wonderful people who I concider family not just faces in a website , And even been blessed with meeting one very special person from this site . Thank you everyone for being here and being clean and sober today , and thanks for bringing smiles and tears of happiness on my face for the wondeful words .. I love you all peace to you all ~ Endzy ~
6 yrs ago today I woke up scrared outta my mind.. but it was a choice I had made the prior day to do, Didnt know how I was going to do this , As many of us all know .. Its what our life was all about, how would I do it with out drinking .. But the life I had wasnt anything to be proud of what kinda life was it .. it wasnt a life ! But deep in the tissue's of my mind I beleived it was all there was !
I didnt have anyone I could turn to , I was scared to be honnest with anyone esp myown self . But consaquences of my own actions (2 dwi's in less then 6 months apart ) was the kicker for me and I knew that something or someone spared my life, I should of been dead 10 times over or least hurt someone . And it was time to take action .
The first thing I did was picked up the phone and made my first call . My mom .. Id been hiding this facts from her , we never want our family to be dissapointed in us . She was upset that I had kept the secrets from her , but all in the same proud for standing up and admitting my faults , and takin actions to do something ( which I had no idea what at that moment ) , But I wanted something better in life . I knew it didnt have to be this way !
And thu all the BS and all the things I had done , She has stood by me 10000%, I dont know where I would of been with out her and my familys support . Its a hard thing to do, I wont kid ya, But in the end It was one the best hardest things I did In my life !
I took in Outpatient Treatment for 3 months and the biggest of learning experiences was Extended care ( for me it was ) Thats where the push came to find a program . For me It was AA . Now i wasnt going willingly mind you , I went cuz i wanted to graduate , I think in my own head i thought that I didnt need any program to stay sober, Well I dont knowif thats true or not and glad i didnt try and find out , because for me It helped create a foundation of my own choice to take what I want and leave the rest for another , I found people in them rooms who were going throught the same things and been in the same shoes I was wearing . Scared heck yah .. But I seen how compassionate and honnest they were . unlike anything the barstool tales say of the AA prog .. there not bible thumping crazy sorts . Today Im sober and Im soooo dam proud of my self I couldnt of dont it with out that kick in arse to try that Program , dont know less you try it , And I for one reallly liked it !
I couldnt of done it if i didnt get honnest with myself ( to thy self be true ) I couldnt of done it had i not found something to beleive in , its not important what it is , just as long as its something ..... something greater then ourselfs .
And this wonderful place called SR , It was a accident that I found this place and its been a cherished gift , Ive met so many wonderful people who I concider family not just faces in a website , And even been blessed with meeting one very special person from this site . Thank you everyone for being here and being clean and sober today , and thanks for bringing smiles and tears of happiness on my face for the wondeful words .. I love you all peace to you all ~ Endzy ~
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