I resemble this remark
 

“Trying to push away physical or emotional pain is like creating a dam for the impermanent experience: it doesn’t get rid of the pain; it just keeps it around for a longer period of time. Eventually the floodgates burst, however, and we are faced with the truth of our own self-made suffering.”—Noah Levine

Its what I did for 45 years with drugs and drunks. I am danger in doing it now with the betrayal of my wife. I need to remember its not the betrayal of my life. I can move on I can get though I can come out the other side--Damn the dam.

:ghug3

"It's not the betrayal of my life"

You can come through this. You can...and be stronger for it.

Fitz my heart goes out to you. I have been reading your posts and I can only imagine what a punch in the gut that must feel like. Stay strong, you know going down the wrong path will not help. You are worth it the effort. You are more than your addictions, don't let them waste another minute of your life.

This helps me a bit to transend but not harden

ON PAIN --Kahlil Gibran

YOUR PAIN IS THE BREAKING OF THE SHELL
THAT ENCLOSES YOUR UNDERSTANDING

EVEN AS THE STONE OF THE FRUIT MUST
BREAK, THAT ITS HEART MAY STAND IN
THE SUN, SO MUST YOU KNOW PAIN.

AND COULD YOU KEEP YOUR HEART IN
WONDER AT THE DAILY MIRACLES OF YOUR
LIFE, YOUR PAIN WOULD NOT SEEM LESS
WONDEROUS OF YOUR JOY;

AND YOU WOULD ACCEPT THE SEASONS OF YOUR
HEART, EVEN AS YOU HAVE ALWAYS ACCEPTED THE
SEASONS THAT PASS OVER YOUR FIELDS.

AND YOU WOULD WATCH WITH SERENITY THROUGH THE
WINTERS OF YOUR GRIEF.

MUCH OF YOUR PAIN IS SELF CHOSEN.

IT IS THE BITTER POTION BY WHICH THE PHYSICIAN
WITHIN YOU HEALS YOUR SICK SELF.

THEREFORE TRUST THE PHYSICIAN, AND DRINK
HIS REMEDY IN SILENCE AND TRANQUILITY.

FOR HIS HAND, THOUGH HARD & HEAVY, IS GUIDED
BY THE TENDER HAND OF THE UNSEEN.

AND THE CUP HE BRINGS, THOUGH IT BURN YOUR LIPS, HAS BEEN
FASHIONED OF THE CLAY WHICH THE POTTER HAS MOISTENED
WITH HIS OWN TEARS.

Felt like sharing this as Gibran's powerful wisdom has helped me through my big ouches

Cool, you can do this. I can't even begin to tell you the betrayal I have felt from my X husband. How many times I had asked him for help and I felt as if he threw me to the curb like a load of garbage. I was devastated for a very, very, very long time. Over two years now and it still hurts, not as much.

If it weren't for all of that pain I would have never been as determined as I have been to make it to where I am today. While he made the choice that I was not good enough for him I make the choice everyday I am good enough for me.

The years I spent with him I will never get back but I have my whole future to make my life mine now. All the alcohol I drank over all the pain I had when I was with him? He's not worth a drop of it today. No matter what.

I am truly sorry that this is a hard time for you. Keep posting, we are all here for you. :ghug3

Fitz, I missed somthing...what was the betrayal about?

Sorry, sometimes when you're deep into something you forget everyone's not still on the page with you. Betrayal--encouraged to take "temporary seperation" to "work things out", told to not come back because she didn't like my sobriety, I became to self-responsible, she felt "not-needed". Also found out she had a "friend" who comforted her during my in-patient treatment. It's OK it's all good. There's things no one can take from me. I just woke from a nitemare, ergo on line. People were trying to kill me. Woke up it was only a dream. Dream people will have to do better than that.

Cool you know that drinking will do nothing to help this matter, just know that you are far from being alone in this situation, my first sponsor after being sober for 2 years had his first wife decide she did not like him sober!!!! Long story short, he stayed sober, they got divorced and a few years later he remarried to the love of his life, a woman that did love him sober!

Life is life, sober or drunk, but staying sober gives us a chance we would not have sober, I know plenty of people who have been through deaths of children, wifes, bankruptcies, lose of jobs & homes along with cars and through divorces and break ups sober.

Did things come out perfect? Heck no, but they came through the other side of it all sober and stronger.

MycoolFitz, I am so sorry. It astonishes me that she doesn't like you sober! That's her problem and her loss. I guess we are just different people when we drink.

Fitz, we all change, as Taz says, life is life sober or loaded, the perception is the difference and how the drink acts as a catalyst to even worse outcomes.... life is what we make it. You have my thoughts and good wishes, like detox, it will get better and whatever happens all the wise heads (not speaking about me!) are here to lend support and a 'healthy' perspective.... keep on the path of enlightenment, you know it is the right path....