Relapsed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: 45 degrees latitude
Posts: 129
Relapsed
Well, I relapsed hardcore starting Friday afternoon, and was still drinking up until midnight on Tues/Wed. I called in sick to work on Monday and Tuesday so I could try to ween, but that failed and I had to cut it out cold and thus stayed home yesterday as well. I'm running with the tired and true flu excuse with work, but I'm not sure how that's going to go for me this time. Since I'm detoxing, I'm sure I still look the sick part, but that might not be enough. Only my mom, boyfriend, and doctor know the truth.
I just wanted to post because I'm feeling very anxious about my work situation - though I fully admit I've brought this completely on myself.... I think the anxiety from detoxing is compounding things.
I know I can never even take a sip of alcohol again, and I'm already about 25 hours into sobriety. I'm just so scared of what I'm facing today
Well, I've got a couple of hours left before I need to get ready to go back *deep breaths* I'm going to try to lie back down for a little bit.
Thanks for taking the time to read folks; I hear a relapse is normal, almost expected - but I still feel terribly guilty and generally sour about the situation I've put myself in.
*sighs* Okay, take care folks - I'll stop by again before going to work.
I just wanted to post because I'm feeling very anxious about my work situation - though I fully admit I've brought this completely on myself.... I think the anxiety from detoxing is compounding things.
I know I can never even take a sip of alcohol again, and I'm already about 25 hours into sobriety. I'm just so scared of what I'm facing today
Well, I've got a couple of hours left before I need to get ready to go back *deep breaths* I'm going to try to lie back down for a little bit.
Thanks for taking the time to read folks; I hear a relapse is normal, almost expected - but I still feel terribly guilty and generally sour about the situation I've put myself in.
*sighs* Okay, take care folks - I'll stop by again before going to work.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In my head...tis dark in here!
Posts: 213
Hi there
Sorry to hear that you relapsed and are feeling so bad about it...no point in beating yourself up though...it's done and dusted...draw a line under it and move on...25 hours is a start...you are into your second day....keep going...one day at a time...you will start to feel better soon...good luck at work, you'll get through it and tomorrow is another day...onwards and upwards!
Sorry to hear that you relapsed and are feeling so bad about it...no point in beating yourself up though...it's done and dusted...draw a line under it and move on...25 hours is a start...you are into your second day....keep going...one day at a time...you will start to feel better soon...good luck at work, you'll get through it and tomorrow is another day...onwards and upwards!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey waterfountain. The first thing I want to say is please, please for your sake take the idea out of your head that If I had that in my head that I'm expected to relapse I wouldn't be sitting here sober with my two year anniversary right around the corner. The first time something went bad (believe me, things have been plenty bad this past year) I could/would have relapsed so many times.
I tell myself "it's not worth it, I'm worth it and my problems are DEFINITELY not worth it." I know if I picked up I could be in the same situation as you and I don't want to be ever again.
I know it's hard, I know it's stressful, I totally feel for you. I could not stay sober until I went to rehab, worked the steps and got a sponsor. One thing my sponsor would always say and I hear her in my head on my bad days is "no matter what, no matter what, don't pick up." I know if I do I'm going to be in a world of hurt and I'm done with it.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you and if it doesn't, get back up, dust yourself off and keep going. You CAN do this!!!!
I hear a relapse is normal, almost expected.
I tell myself "it's not worth it, I'm worth it and my problems are DEFINITELY not worth it." I know if I picked up I could be in the same situation as you and I don't want to be ever again.
I know it's hard, I know it's stressful, I totally feel for you. I could not stay sober until I went to rehab, worked the steps and got a sponsor. One thing my sponsor would always say and I hear her in my head on my bad days is "no matter what, no matter what, don't pick up." I know if I do I'm going to be in a world of hurt and I'm done with it.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you and if it doesn't, get back up, dust yourself off and keep going. You CAN do this!!!!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Glad you saw the light Waterfountain.
Relapse is not a part of recovery, as some one here said, relapse is part of the disease.
Recovery begins when one is willing to do ANYTHING to not drink and does anything to not drink.
What were you doing before you relapsed to stay sober?
I tried the "My Way" program for many years which led to relapse after relapse until I finally just became physically addicted to alcohol and did not draw a sober breath for 5 years straight and in order to get sober safely I had to be medically detoxed.
What was the "My Way" program? The "My Way" program was my will power alone, I simply did not drink, other then that I did nothing to change me.
I am an alcoholic, my solution for everything was drinking, when I would simply stop drinking and do nothing else but not drink, I was miserable, I was irratable, angry, anxious, & BORED!!!! I had no other solution for anything, all I knew was that in order to feel normal I drank!!!
So what were you doing to recover before you relapsed?
Do you have a solution other then alcohol you are striving for? How are you doing that?
Right after I got out of detox I was willing to do what ever it took to not drink again, in detox they told me to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
In the program of AA and the fellowship of AA I found a solution for my life that works, it took a lot of work on my part with the support of other recovering alcoholics sharing thier experience strength and hope with me along the way, they made suggestions to me which worked for them, being willing to do what ever it took to stay sober I followed those suggestions.
Today I am free of the bondage of my alcoholism, I am free to live a happy life of my choosing applying the principles daily I have learned in AA.
Alcohol is no longer a solution for any thing in my life and I can honestly say that I could care less if I ever have a drink again. I no longer FIGHT alcohol or anyone or anything else, I deal with every curve ball life throws me with the assistance of my HP of my choosing and the experience strength and hope of fellow alcoholics.
Relapse is not a part of recovery, as some one here said, relapse is part of the disease.
Recovery begins when one is willing to do ANYTHING to not drink and does anything to not drink.
What were you doing before you relapsed to stay sober?
I tried the "My Way" program for many years which led to relapse after relapse until I finally just became physically addicted to alcohol and did not draw a sober breath for 5 years straight and in order to get sober safely I had to be medically detoxed.
What was the "My Way" program? The "My Way" program was my will power alone, I simply did not drink, other then that I did nothing to change me.
I am an alcoholic, my solution for everything was drinking, when I would simply stop drinking and do nothing else but not drink, I was miserable, I was irratable, angry, anxious, & BORED!!!! I had no other solution for anything, all I knew was that in order to feel normal I drank!!!
So what were you doing to recover before you relapsed?
Do you have a solution other then alcohol you are striving for? How are you doing that?
Right after I got out of detox I was willing to do what ever it took to not drink again, in detox they told me to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
In the program of AA and the fellowship of AA I found a solution for my life that works, it took a lot of work on my part with the support of other recovering alcoholics sharing thier experience strength and hope with me along the way, they made suggestions to me which worked for them, being willing to do what ever it took to stay sober I followed those suggestions.
Today I am free of the bondage of my alcoholism, I am free to live a happy life of my choosing applying the principles daily I have learned in AA.
Alcohol is no longer a solution for any thing in my life and I can honestly say that I could care less if I ever have a drink again. I no longer FIGHT alcohol or anyone or anything else, I deal with every curve ball life throws me with the assistance of my HP of my choosing and the experience strength and hope of fellow alcoholics.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Ps
Relapse is not a part of recovery, as some one here said, relapse is part of the disease.
Recovery begins when one is willing to do ANYTHING to not drink and does anything to not drink.
Recovery begins when one is willing to do ANYTHING to not drink and does anything to not drink.
Amen, Taz! (and Vegi
)
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hi waterfountain, it sounds like you went through a rough one & are feeling like sh*t right now mentally, physically & spiritually. Remember how this started & think about you can change for the next time this comes around.
You can beat this thing!
Take Care,
NB
You can beat this thing!
Take Care,
NB
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Maybe this'll be it waterfountain - the last time you ever put yourself through this hell. We pick up again because we convince ourselves that somehow this time will be different - we'll be able to stop when we want to. I kept testing that way of thinking and lost every time.
I want to thank you, though, for the reminder. I remember the hell I put myself through with my job, where I was well respected for many years. In the end I had everyone confused and disappointed in me - they were all very kind, though and supportive. This incident will be forgotten, and just a dim memory, when everyone sees you getting better and thriving. You can do this thing & hopefully won't be the slow learner that I was (25 yrs. on the rollercoaster). Let us know how the day goes.
I want to thank you, though, for the reminder. I remember the hell I put myself through with my job, where I was well respected for many years. In the end I had everyone confused and disappointed in me - they were all very kind, though and supportive. This incident will be forgotten, and just a dim memory, when everyone sees you getting better and thriving. You can do this thing & hopefully won't be the slow learner that I was (25 yrs. on the rollercoaster). Let us know how the day goes.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Tazman said, "Relapse is not a part of recovery, as some one here said, relapse is part of the disease." I think I said that, sorry wrong choose of works, I did mean that it is a part of the disease,
Tazman.
((Waterfountain)) Great advice here. 25 hours is big. Suck it up and move ahead. Try AA, do the steps, U need the f2f meetings, U need to hear from the longtimers what works 4 them.
Stay strong.
Tazman.((Waterfountain)) Great advice here. 25 hours is big. Suck it up and move ahead. Try AA, do the steps, U need the f2f meetings, U need to hear from the longtimers what works 4 them.
Stay strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: 45 degrees latitude
Posts: 129
I want to thank you all for your support. I'd like to address individual posts, but I think I will wait to see what happens with my work situation first; that's just got me so dogged down with stress, I'm finding it hard to concentrate.
Though, 26+ hours in, and I'm feeling a little less of the withdrawal symptoms, the others are still very much present. I've just gotta get through the day, one hour, maybe even one minute at time.
I know I won't drink, but I also hope I don't fall apart in the process
Thanks again, and I'll update when I can.
Though, 26+ hours in, and I'm feeling a little less of the withdrawal symptoms, the others are still very much present. I've just gotta get through the day, one hour, maybe even one minute at time.
I know I won't drink, but I also hope I don't fall apart in the process
Thanks again, and I'll update when I can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: 45 degrees latitude
Posts: 129
Thanks again everybody - I couldn't resist coming back here for one more thanks.
*crosses fingers* I'm off to work. Hopefully I'll be back later tonight rather than earlier today :/ though, maybe I'll try to sneak on here during lunch or something.
Bye for now!
*crosses fingers* I'm off to work. Hopefully I'll be back later tonight rather than earlier today :/ though, maybe I'll try to sneak on here during lunch or something.
Bye for now!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Waterfountain - what are you going to do differetly this time?
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
We're all here to help! Keep coming back.
Everyone else who may be reading this: "I hear a relapse is normal, almost expected...", that is the disease talking, don't listen to it. A relapse is a near death experience that some people DO NOT SURVIVE... they die.
Alcohol use does not solve ANY problems.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
We're all here to help!
Keep coming back.Everyone else who may be reading this: "I hear a relapse is normal, almost expected...", that is the disease talking, don't listen to it. A relapse is a near death experience that some people DO NOT SURVIVE... they die.
Alcohol use does not solve ANY problems.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,464
Hi,
I absolutely hated the difficult situations that I caused in my life. I spent so much energy and time, lying to people, wondering if they believed me, and making sure I had covered all the bases with my lies.
You don't have to do this again!
I absolutely hated the difficult situations that I caused in my life. I spent so much energy and time, lying to people, wondering if they believed me, and making sure I had covered all the bases with my lies.
You don't have to do this again!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Waterfountian hang tough, usually once one gets past the 3rd day the physical withdrawals lessen, please keep a cell phone with you in case you need medical assistance.
We have an Old Timer in my area who shares that his sponsor told him "No matter what, do not drink even if your arse falls off! If it does fall off, put it in a bag and bring it to a meeting!" LOL Not sure I would want to be around if that really happened.
One thing my sponsor would always say and I hear her in my head on my bad days is "no matter what, no matter what, don't pick up."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Glad to hear you have made the decision to live sober again.
You know that you can make it thru this withdrawal, you have done it before, and you can do it again..
..and this can be the last time you ever have to go thru withdrawal..
Best of luck with work...keep your head up and moving forward.
You know that you can make it thru this withdrawal, you have done it before, and you can do it again..
..and this can be the last time you ever have to go thru withdrawal..
Best of luck with work...keep your head up and moving forward.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 249
Hey Waterfountain,
I am sending you a big ol'hug hon!!! I am glad you came back on here and posted, that takes a lot of guts and I am so proud of you!!! You are such a HUGE part of our group and I have watched you journey along...please hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself....we're thinking of you and I hope everything goes great at work...
-Jade
I am sending you a big ol'hug hon!!! I am glad you came back on here and posted, that takes a lot of guts and I am so proud of you!!! You are such a HUGE part of our group and I have watched you journey along...please hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself....we're thinking of you and I hope everything goes great at work...
-Jade
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