One hell of a summer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
One hell of a summer
Hello SR,
First off, I sincerely appreciate all of you who sent me messages during my absence from this group. I'm back and on day two today.
It all started innocently enough, my kind neighbor next door thought he could help me get off the booze by offering me xanax, which he receives monthly. What a potent combination, alcohol and xanax, and I was caught up in a bear hug that wouldn't let go. I went through many hard changes this past summer, and will forego the details for now, except to say it truly was a summer of hell.
I hope all of you are doing well and have continued along the road toward recovery. Change is hard work, but I'm going to try to join you again on the path, and maybe see some great scenery along the way. Thank you, as always, for being here.
Firestorm
First off, I sincerely appreciate all of you who sent me messages during my absence from this group. I'm back and on day two today.
It all started innocently enough, my kind neighbor next door thought he could help me get off the booze by offering me xanax, which he receives monthly. What a potent combination, alcohol and xanax, and I was caught up in a bear hug that wouldn't let go. I went through many hard changes this past summer, and will forego the details for now, except to say it truly was a summer of hell.
I hope all of you are doing well and have continued along the road toward recovery. Change is hard work, but I'm going to try to join you again on the path, and maybe see some great scenery along the way. Thank you, as always, for being here.
Firestorm
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hey FS 
I truly thought that we lost you. Good to hear you made it through that hell.
Stay close & keep on posting k?
P.S. Is this that same neighbor that gave you the folded in half leftover pizza a few months ago as a thank you? :rotfxko If so... I think you need to move his offerings are getting worse & worse
I truly thought that we lost you. Good to hear you made it through that hell. Stay close & keep on posting k?
P.S. Is this that same neighbor that gave you the folded in half leftover pizza a few months ago as a thank you? :rotfxko If so... I think you need to move his offerings are getting worse & worse
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi FS-
I'm new here, but not new to the hell one season can bring. ...and the season after that, and the season after that, etc...
Just wanted to say hello and let's do this together.
Kjell.
I'm new here, but not new to the hell one season can bring. ...and the season after that, and the season after that, etc...
Just wanted to say hello and let's do this together.
Kjell.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
What a relief. Maybe that was the proof you needed to keep you on the path - it happened to me so many times, an innocent drink and off I went - sometimes for months. It's wonderful to have you back here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Thank you all for your replies and welcome back. I struggle each day to admit and accept that I need help overcoming this destructive drive and obsession in my life, even though the years have provided more than sufficient evidence to the contrary. The events and experiences of these past few weeks have left my head spinning and wondering if I can ever get past this damn affliction. The only option I can conceive of at this time is to try to get help.......again. I'm tired of trying to overcome this mental, emotional albatross around my neck. I'm plain worn out. The struggle seems never-ending, regardless of meetings, sponsors, steps, confessions, apologies, countless attempts to control this obsession, it has brought me to a breaking point, yet I refuse to break. I refuse to quit, I refuse to give up and let the bottle take what remains of my life. So, here I am again, for the thousandth time, trying to get booze out of my life again. Maybe this time I can learn to live without this crutch, this cane that has ironically became the rod that is beating me into submission.
I am grateful to be allowed the opportunity to rejoin the forces of light here. It makes me feel better to know that the light still shines, even after we close the door to keep it out. It feels better to open the door again.
I am grateful to be allowed the opportunity to rejoin the forces of light here. It makes me feel better to know that the light still shines, even after we close the door to keep it out. It feels better to open the door again.
back.
seeking recovery
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: NSW
Posts: 171
Hi Firestorm,
I'm new here (just joined today). Just want to say hi and "just keep coming back". Day 5 for me and the fog of alcohol and xanax is just starting to lift. My ex partner would give me xanax to sleep ( he has been on alcohol/benzo combination for 30 years! )
Alcohol truly is a mental obsession and now that starting to feel better, have just started the cycle of drinking thinking again today (I seem to have blocked out how bad I felt the day after my last binge) now trying to think how I might be able to control my drinking next time?? CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY thinking!!!!!!
I'm new here (just joined today). Just want to say hi and "just keep coming back". Day 5 for me and the fog of alcohol and xanax is just starting to lift. My ex partner would give me xanax to sleep ( he has been on alcohol/benzo combination for 30 years! )
Alcohol truly is a mental obsession and now that starting to feel better, have just started the cycle of drinking thinking again today (I seem to have blocked out how bad I felt the day after my last binge) now trying to think how I might be able to control my drinking next time?? CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY thinking!!!!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I love that, Firestorm - "The light still shines even after we close the door to keep it out". It reminds me how I used to live in the dark like a mole - would draw the drapes, not answer the phone or door. That dark, miserable world of our own creation is a place I never want to return to.
Fragrantrose, welcome to the family. You might want to start your own introduction thread - just say a few words so people will "see" you. I'm so glad you found us. There are some wonderful Aussies here - one in particular helped save my life.
Fragrantrose, welcome to the family. You might want to start your own introduction thread - just say a few words so people will "see" you. I'm so glad you found us. There are some wonderful Aussies here - one in particular helped save my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Frangrantrose - it is good to see another Aussie here - resist that feel bad...feel good cycle, ok? You already know how it ends up....
This is a great place - good to have you aboard.
Hope you take up Hevyn's suggestion sometime
D
This is a great place - good to have you aboard.
Hope you take up Hevyn's suggestion sometime
D
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
FS I am thankful you made it back, have you spoken with your sponsor since you got back? SOunds like you may need to include xanax and all other mind altering substances to your step one!
I have one sponsee who not only is a recovering alcoholic, but also a recovering crackhead, he has over a year sober and several years clean, the crack took him to the cleaners he told me, he managed to quit that on his own but then his alcoholism took him right back into the bowels of hell.
He shares all the time about how taking the steps to heart, to his very soul is what has allowed him to regain his sanity. His biggest problem for quite a while in taking the steps was a real struggle with "Understanding" his HP. We spent a lot of time working together to help him with this. He finally just accepted that he did not need to "UNDERSTAND" his HP, that he just needed to give his HP a chance, give him some trust & faith and go from there. That was his real beginning of freedom.
I loved being able to be there when the light came on for him!! All I did was share with him my ESH, he did the rest, he did the searching, the praying, and finally just decided to give his HP a chance!
I have one sponsee who not only is a recovering alcoholic, but also a recovering crackhead, he has over a year sober and several years clean, the crack took him to the cleaners he told me, he managed to quit that on his own but then his alcoholism took him right back into the bowels of hell.
He shares all the time about how taking the steps to heart, to his very soul is what has allowed him to regain his sanity. His biggest problem for quite a while in taking the steps was a real struggle with "Understanding" his HP. We spent a lot of time working together to help him with this. He finally just accepted that he did not need to "UNDERSTAND" his HP, that he just needed to give his HP a chance, give him some trust & faith and go from there. That was his real beginning of freedom.
I loved being able to be there when the light came on for him!! All I did was share with him my ESH, he did the rest, he did the searching, the praying, and finally just decided to give his HP a chance!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: MD
Posts: 64
Originally Posted by firestorm090 
Thank you all for your replies and welcome back. I struggle each day to admit and accept that I need help overcoming this destructive drive and obsession in my life, even though the years have provided more than sufficient evidence to the contrary. The events and experiences of these past few weeks have left my head spinning and wondering if I can ever get past this damn affliction. The only option I can conceive of at this time is to try to get help.......again. I'm tired of trying to overcome this mental, emotional albatross around my neck. I'm plain worn out. The struggle seems never-ending, regardless of meetings, sponsors, steps, confessions, apologies, countless attempts to control this obsession, it has brought me to a breaking point, yet I refuse to break. I refuse to quit, I refuse to give up and let the bottle take what remains of my life. So, here I am again, for the thousandth time, trying to get booze out of my life again. Maybe this time I can learn to live without this crutch, this cane that has ironically became the rod that is beating me into submission.
I am grateful to be allowed the opportunity to rejoin the forces of light here. It makes me feel better to know that the light still shines, even after we close the door to keep it out. It feels better to open the door again.
I am grateful to be allowed the opportunity to rejoin the forces of light here. It makes me feel better to know that the light still shines, even after we close the door to keep it out. It feels better to open the door again.
BA
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