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Old 09-01-2009, 02:52 PM
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Hi, I only set up a facebook account since I have gotten sober (8 weeks in 1hour 18 mins haha) and the sole message of my facebook page is that of my sobriety pretty much, not entirely obviously but it is a part of it and for anyone viewing it is obvious that sobriety is now a massive part of my life and thus it is pretty obvious that I have struggled with addiciton in the past ie- I am an alcoholic. This is the way I wanted it to be as I have wanted to really reinvent myself as someone who is now sober and also so that past friends/acqaintances etc now know what the score is with me in regards to meeting up for drinks at bars/party's etc and also it was a real good way to keep sobriety focussed as a part of my identity and to also make sure that I am constantly "Ratting myself out" to others etc.

However I have started new employment this week and thus now have that to bear in mind and obviously people who work there and also people who will be my team leaders/managers etc will all ask to add me on facebook of which obviously there ain't really a problem with that as it's a good way to start building social life up etc. However I am dubious as to whether I wan't them to be reading my facebook page and then it becoming apparent to them that I may have suffered prior to working there with alcohol etcetc. I am worried they may judge me somewhat and also spread it around to higher management etc and I may be penalised/prejudiced as a result.

I was just wondering what you guys reckon? Is it best for me to totally erase any mention of my sobriety on my facebook page to keep things simple? I liked the way that I could use facebook to let people know from the off that I don't drink anymore but I don't want to unnecessarily ruffle any feathers in my new job as afterall, this is the corporate world and I know how news travels in these places...

Your thoughts will be very much appreciated...
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:03 PM
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Wow difficult one!

Ok ill put it like this, i have a facebook account and you can set it so only friends can view your information. If you have been sharing about you being an alcoholic you have to remember that a lot of people, like we all did to some extent, is to think of the bum on the park bench which we know is crap...but others won't know different until they get to know you as a person.

If i was interested in posting about my recovery and maybe even keeping a journal i would go to wordpress and set up a free blog with something like 'a young alcoholic' as the heading and then let your friends know that you have a blog, once you settle into your job you may want to let other people know or not!

Facebook is really for the light stuff IMO.

Oh and ffs dont start posting comments about your colleagues etc on facebook, i know of several people who have lost their jobs through this and one who ended up going to prison because the idiot posted all about what he had done on facebook lol

This doesn't mean that you are shying away from your disease nor should you feel ashamed of it, but for the sake of making your life as easy as possible at the moment use some discretion. When you get all famous and all that you can come out then officially;-)
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:04 PM
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This is definitely interesting. While I don't have an exact answer for you I can tell you just 2 days ago that my boss found out I am an alcoholic through a conversation we were having. She then related to me that she and her partner are both alcoholics also. Then we had a long conversation about alcoholism. I was afraid of her finding out and then it came to pass that she and I weren't so different after all and she is the last person to judge me.

I guess, in my opinion, that it isn't something to be ashamed of since you are actively seeking recovery. I can't believe that someone would hold it against you, but then I can't speak for what other people think or what not. I am sure someone that is more knowledgeable with come along with a better answer. Thought I would relate my experience because something I feared in my head turned out to be just that - in my head!
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:06 PM
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Just ask yourself one question, Neo. Is it wise for me to sacrifice my integrity for what I am afraid other people may think of me? Ultimately, only you can answer the question you are really asking here. You've made your decision. Risk is always going to be a factor.
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:11 PM
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Short answer, yes, erase it off your Facebook. Personally, I dislike Facebook. I set mine up to humor a friend. When someone becomes interested in you (for whatever reason), that's pretty much the first place they look. Depending on your age and intentions, this could be held against you.

I hate to sound harsh, but this is why I dislike Facebook.
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:13 PM
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Prior to starting new job I only added people who I thought relevant to add as friends anyway, all of them being musicians, so I didn't mind posting about my sobriety on my facebook page as it was a way for me to explain where I was at with not drinking, as I have played many gigs with the guys and partied etc with them before and thus I found it a good way to let them know that I will support them at gigs but I won't be joining them for the binges afterwards etcetc.

Howver things are different now and I don't think I wan't random people knowing about my sobriety as I know what these corporations are like and all is not always fair + it's personal, with music it's cool but with work colleagues I ain't so sure.

I think I am gonna delete all posts/blogs/refernces to my sobriety off my facebook page before I add anyone.

PS - I don't have to worry about posting anything bad on any work colleagues pages etc as I am now in control and can remember what I get up to, would have been a nightmare if still drinking mindyou...
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:19 PM
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I dunno, I don't wan't to totally take it off as I feel it helped me keep my resolve to some extent...I think I will tone it down so I only have sobriety listed as my other activities to 'music, playing guitar, peace and love, sobriety' rather than posts about 7 weeks sober etc.

Ahh the joys of the working corporate world, don't u just love it...
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:35 PM
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NEO, this is so easy for me. My friends are my friends, work environment? Needs to stay work environment. My stuff is either set to private (Myspace) and you have to be "invited" or "allowed" to view my site, that goes for Facebook as well.

Everyone is different but this is what I choose for me. There are too many people out there that know all about alcoholism and what comes with the title "Alcoholic" also comes with too many misconceptions and judgments. If I don't want to deal with all that comes with putting it out there, I just don't put it out there.
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:44 PM
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Hi NEOMARXIST,

I agree that Facebook may not be the place you want to share all of your private information. Your concerns about fellow employees seeing this is logical. Sadly, some of those "colleagues" may try to use this information to undermine you - and no I am not a paranoid - some people just aren't nice in the corporate world.

All too often in my life I had failed to properly use the “EDIT” function in my brain’s software. I would say something sarcastic, vehemently voice my opinion or share too many private details - simply put, I talked too much. Some things (experiences, opinions, comments) are better left unsaid. Sometimes too much information or disclosure won’t do anybody any good. An old saying goes; “A burden shared is a burden lightened.” This could also be stated as; “I just downloaded all my crap on you - I feel great now.”

Disclosing too many details of your past on Facebook may not help you at your current job. Spare your new friends and new co-workers all the sordid details of your drinking past. There is a proper time and place for you to talk about your alcohol issue - like here on SR. There are also select and appropriate people to do this with. Everyone doesn’t need to know everything. You don’t need to talk about all the crazy things you have done, all the things you ruined, all the wreckage, all the mistakes you have made or all the struggles of sobriety (especially on Facebook).

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to keep your goal of sobriety as your focus and being proud of what you have done for yourself. But remember that your brain’s software does come with an “edit” function.

Just my thoughts on this subject.

I wish you the greatest of success in your new position and with your continued sobriety.
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:47 PM
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Just gonna delete any references to it from now.

Thanks for your comments, much appreciated, feel kinda stupid for posting, but it's an issue that was bothering me as I have received quite a few friend requests from people I have met there and can't really not add them as I want to make friends etcetc. Ain't gonna compromise work as most people there are all on facebook tbh as it's a very young staff.
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Old 09-01-2009, 03:53 PM
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All I stated on my page was merely 'sobriety' as one of my activities and I was posting 7 weeks sober on my wall etcetc, as I wanted to let the people I had added as friends know this, however I am no longer having any of this, I only had 5 friends added!! so I didn't mind them seeing this (in fact I purposely wanted them to see it)

All deleted!!!!!

Thanks again.
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Old 09-01-2009, 04:06 PM
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i have my FB account set up that only my friends can view anything other than my basic information. About the only thing that anyone could construe as an indication that i'm involved with recovery is that i'm a fan of this website. i've thought about asking a few members from here about adding them as friends, but i'm somewhat concerned about anonymity. i have recovering addicts/alcoholics from my local area as friends, i suppose that one of my other friends could view the info on their profile and draw their own conclusions. Despite all these things that we do, it is the internet. There is no such thing as absolute privacy or control as long as your information is out there. i have learned to safegaurd myself as much as possible, but not to the point of getting paranoid about it. General rule of thumb- if you don't want people to know, don't post it. On a side note, i had not posted an actual photo of me here at SR because i was concerned about the possible consequences of doing that. i saw enough members with their profile pics & decided yesterday that i was not going to let a fear of the unknown control my actions with this any longer. Besides, i think it can be beneficial if someone has a visual to associate with the person sharing their E,S, & H.

Congratulations on the new job!! i hope it is rewarding and satisfying for you.
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Old 09-01-2009, 04:07 PM
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HI Neo

Dont feel stupid for posting...its something that was bothering you, so, good for you for getting it out there and finding out others' opinions...

I agree ... I dont think I'd be mentioning it on FB either if you're going to be adding aquaintances on it (different if it's just real close friends)...you dont need the added stress/worry if someone will take it the wrong way, etc, etc, etc. You have enough going on starting a new job/environment...staying sober...etc without giving yourself something else to worry about. They dont need to know all that about you, all they will know is that you're a cool guy ..the fact that you dont drink probably wont even raise an eyebrow...it's how they have met you and will always know you...so no prob there. I know what you're saying about your music buddies ...letting them know in a round about way that you wont be going along to the after-gig binges etc...it's like you need to get it off your chest isnt it..get it out there...try not worry about all that too much...you'll get your moment when the situation arises ..and it doesnt have to be a grand speech if u dont want to go into too much detail....I just say 'I've knocked it on the head for a while as I cant hack the hangovers'...I bet alot agree and say they should do the same...blah blah and the subject will swiftly change lol.....just an extra thought, perhaps you could put somethng on your desktop to help you maintain your sobriety rather than FB...it'll be the first thing you see when you boot up then
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Old 09-01-2009, 04:28 PM
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I have strong feelings about this.

I am not 'friends' with people that I work with. I like my co-workers a lot and we have a lot of laughs, but work is work and friends are friends.

I would never compromise myself by telling anyone I work with, that I am an alcoholic. There are many prejudices against addicts and that is not something I would put out there.
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Old 09-01-2009, 04:44 PM
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I have two FB accounts. I have my screen name on here, DWI and I have a totally different account, I keep them completely separate. I know a lot of people who have a regular account and an account they use for more business type friends, etc.

I would never compromise myself by telling anyone I work with, that I am an alcoholic. There are many prejudices against addicts and that is not something I would put out there.
I agree with this 100%. I am friends with people I work with, but if or on the rare occasion this part of my life comes up with my friends, I like to choose who I tell and who I don't.
If you google some of the things that have happened to people because of their Facebook accounts it's crazy.


I've learned about Facebook if you wouldn't post it on your bulletin board at work, be careful about posting it on Facebook.
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Old 09-02-2009, 09:25 AM
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I'd love to be able to say I've never experienced discrimination because of being in recovery but I actually lost a job because I let it slip that I was in AA...and it was particularly frustrating because I was working for a women's domestic violence agency; an organization that I thought would be pretty understanding about recovery.

I normally wouldn't feel inclined to hide my 'sobriety' activities from anyone since they're such a part of my life and I'm not ashamed of being in recovery at all, but I have to vote against disclosing this type of information to employers.

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Old 09-02-2009, 01:40 PM
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I only have one FB. It is mostly family. Recently some old friends I grew up with and a few that I have worked with in the past.
I choose not to broadcast my problem(s). But I am not going to deny it either.
The ones who know..I told or are people who need to know. Others..Well..Its none of their business.
If I make or receive a reference to recovery. I dont mind as long as its a general non personal way.
I say alot in a round about way on my status updates.
And again..The ones who know..Know what it means and why.
I dont know. Its really all how comfortable you are with it.
I personally get what your saying about the work enviroment. And I feel the same way.
Thats why I dont out right suggest or mention anything about it.
Not that I am ashamed. I am very proud of myself actually. But Like you said...Not everuyone sees it like that.
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