aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

That is some many one days at a
time added together collectively
to get me where I am today and
for that and you I am truely grateful.


Let's talk about FLIRTING.

Do you flirt? If so, with whom? Why?

Do you flirt with married or non
married people?

Do you think it is appropriate to
flirt with another with your spouse
next to you?

Flirting or sending a kind jesture
to another means 2 different things,
right?

You can be kind to someone like
opening the door out of politeness,
or saying bless you if they sneeze.

Flirting would indicate that you
are trying to get anothers atten-
tion.

Is it appropriate to flirt or send
out signals to another with your
spouse right near by?

Do you get ur feathers ruffled so
to speak when this occurs?

Do u have enough respect for
ur sugnifficant other to not
display such behavior when
u r out and about?

Here's a cool motto....

Treat other's the way u'd want
to be treated. Yeeha..!

yeahgr8

Something i need to learn in sobriety is the line between flirting and being friendly! I was a tremendous flirt with every pretty woman i came across, although never taking it to the next level whilst with various girlfriends over the years... and there were quite a few 'opportunities'. I have no idea why the women i have been out with stayed with me for so long as i would do it in front of them, i can only think that, although they were not alcoholics at all, they must be as sick as i am but have no program to change that! It seriously baffles me...

Next time it will be different, single now and will stay that way for the a couple of years whilst working on sobriety and myself...i really want to get it all right next time:-)

Live

Absolutely YES! I love flirting, it is an art and it is fun and if done well it compliments the person I am flirting with....and yes, my fiance has no problem with it...we both laugh.
In fact, I prefer flirting with him around, so that no one truly gets the wrong idea, and yes, I introduce him.....and am affectionate with him while having fun with this as well.

tallcactus

Honestly, yes and no.
I use to flirt with my husband, but not lately, having a few problems here, but we R working on them. I flirt a little with my son and his 20 something aged friends and they love it, but never anything seriously. They r all good guy's and pretty harmless. They tell my son, I'm hot, LOL.
Sometimes flirting can B read the wrong way..liveweyer said it right, that, 'it is an art.' U have to be very careful and not to offend anyone or give the wrong impression. I once had a guy who thought and read me completly wrong and was hitting on me in front of my husband. We both do not know where it came from.
I would never step outside my marriage, to me that is a commandment that I take serious. Also, my first husband, loved to flirt and cheat and I found out later that he was sleeping with the whole neighborhood. That marriage lasted only 4 years, Thank God!
To me this is a very fine line and I advise caution.

suki44883

Yep! I'm a huge flirt.

jamdls

I was an outrageous flirt when I drank whether I was married or single and whether the other was married or single; I haven't flirted since I got sober..maybe that's why I haven't had a date since I got sober...but I'm happy.

ex D-Boy

A lot of girls I know tend to confuse me being kind to them as me flirting // wanting to hook up with them when I have truly no intention of doing so. Its caused some awkward situations(thats putting it mildly lol) in the past. Its all in the perception of the individual, one person may see a gesture and view it as intenional flirting while another person who views the same thing sees it as nothing more than a polite kind action.

Reese321

Not really. I never found much pleasure in flirting. It feels superficial and lacks substance to me. Which is why I do really badly in bars. I have this curse of not finding a woman attractive until I get to know her well. This is why a lot of my relationships have started in the workplace, where I get maximum exposure. Don't get me wrong, they do have to be attractive, but its an attribute that never stands on its own.


I never found it hard to flirt; be funny, be kind of a jerk and be kind of arrogant. *yawn*

suki44883

Well, there's a difference in flirting and acting like a s.lut. Flirting is light and fun. Acting slutty is just...slutty.

Mark75

I like the way you post aasharon... you are a sexy girl... what are you doing later, mmm?

Mark

Midton

My self-esteem is too low now for anything like that. Now that I think about it in my younger more confident and definitely arrogant days I was too direct to spend much time on flirting. I am also really bad at reading the motives behind the flirting.

Gypsy Feet

uhg, this topic makes me soooooo glad to be sober. . .

I am a bit of a flirt, especially online=) I dont have a spouse to worry about at the moment. In person I find that I have become less tolerant of many facets of human behavior, and as such it has narrowed down the pool of who I flirt with substantially.

cptspalding

I've only ever flirted with alcoholism does that count? Sadly I think not

ElegantlyWasted

CPT.... I know I can't flirt with alcohol or I literally get the *rap beat out of me.

Happy B-d in advance to the original poster. Remember you from being here briefly in 2006.
Texas connection....

"Absolutely YES! I love flirting, it is an art and it is fun and if done well it compliments the person I am flirting with....and yes, my fiance has no problem with it...we both laugh."

My GF does it and it really pisses me off when she's wasted; otherwise I don't mind. I draw the line between harmless flattery and sloppy crudeness. Gets a little complicated as GF is a professional matchmaker and part of her job is to build her male clients up and do constructive expectation management. In general... fun, harmless; life is good. Hate babysitting GF in public though.

barb dwyer

bartending is at least 80% flirting.

But now I'm out of that business -
I tend only to associate with women in the program.

I flirt with 'my person' but no one else.

There's an intimacy (or promise of intimacy)
that I don't want men in recovery to mis-read or mis-understand.
Just because a guy is in recovery, doesn't mean he's safe.

So I keep the conversations 'news/weather/sports/recovery'
and almost never in private.

aasharon90

Thanks guys for sharing ur experiences
strengths and hopes on this topic.

I picked up on this topic yesterday
while watching an LMN movie. Yep,
it's amazing what I hear or see on tv
that reminds me of pass behaviors and
situations with flirting that made me
either uncomfortable or suspicious.

Depending upon ur marital or relationship
situation flirting can be a plus or negative.

I myself enjoy flirting and learned
early on before i got sober by watching
and learning from others. It was my way
of boosting my self-esteem which
was destroyed as a child.

Today, with growth and some
maturity in recovery, progress
and not perfection, i have boundaries
and steps to guide me to having a
more heathier and positive relationship
with my spouse, family and friends.

Live

I learned in the hospitality business to greet every one who came within 10 feet of me...so I "have never met a stranger"...I speak to just about everyone who comes across my path....with ladies, I compliment them on a choice of clothing or etc ...and it is genuine....I flirt with guys and they do seem to like it....Often I try to show interest in the person I am talking to and ask them questions in a natural manner as they respond to me......many people, I find are lonely and appreciate the interest...and I am being sincere. I ask questions and make observations...notice things about them.

I truly love doing this...people tell me all sorts of interesting things. And I have some great conversations.

My partner enjoys this aspect of my personality, as well.

For 7 months I lived in Argentina...the custom there is that once you have been introduced to someone....you always greet them with a hug and a kiss on the cheek...
I think that is lovely.

aasharon90

Working in retail, banking, public, we
are in contact with many people.

There are so many personalities out
there good, bad, and interesting.

I love greeting people and helping
them. Most of the time people
appreciate a kind smile or jesture
that makes their day.

You never know when that person
could be having a bad day and just
a smile can ease their pain.

Sort of a distraction.

Kindness, sort of jesture of flirtaion,
gets you out of self as well. Same
thing with service work. I bring
a tray of goodies to my meetings
and people love it. Sure its like
making brownie points so people
will remember me, but it also aids
in keeping me sober another day.

I also compliment women on fashion
as well as a nice looking man. Even
if their cologne smells good.

The art of flirtation. Hmmmmm...

How do you do it?

stephnc

I'm not much of a flirt, but I do think this is lovely!

Live

Sharon....more later to answer your question...but I am very busy today!