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Old 09-18-2009, 02:14 PM   #341 (permalink)
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Congratulations and thankyou everyone for being here!!!!!
Today is day 9 for me and I am starting to feel better,I am not waking up so anxious and depressed and feeling more motivated.
What did alcohol give me? A BRIEF respite from reality, anxiety, social inhibitions, lonliness, pseudo "fun times" peceived greater bonding with friends-"drinking buddies"-a feeling that I fitted in.
but it REBOUNDED and the COST WAS MUCH, MUCH GREATER ,being, lack of self respect as became very sloppy in what I said and did when drinking and having drunk. Lack of respect from children and setting bad example to them of continuing the family curse.
increased anxiety, depression,elevated BP, weight gain, mood swings, impulsive spending.DREADFUL MALAISE AND LACK OF MOTIVATION LIKE BEING SUSPENDED IN TIME AND NOT GOING FORWARD. Staying stuck in relationship with alcoholic with liver disease and still in denial! (have since parted from him again since giving up drink). Drink drive,Saying stupid things, drunk dial, JUST GENERALLY SICK AND TIRED OF MYSELF AND REMORSEFUL. Not a nice way to live!
It has been very hard to stay off my poison of wine and it has been a very long week but having this taste of how good it is, ALCOHOL FREE will keep the impetus to keep sober for EVER.
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Old 09-18-2009, 03:56 PM   #342 (permalink)
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I have this horrible feeling I'm going to drink tonight. I'm already playing mind games thinking it would be ok to have a couple glasses of wine with the neighbor ladies. And I'm sooo in the mood for a drink- a long week, Friday night, a little stressed out....definitely all triggers. If I had a good defense/excuse/reason to tell them I don't want to drink (other than saying I quit) it wouldn't be so bad...but I've got nothin'...I used up most of my excuses these last 12 sober days.

I feel like I'm already throwing in the towel, but I really don't want to!! I know it won't do me a bit of good to drink tonight, I want to stay sober!! Sorry....guess I'm just thinking outloud....fighting with myself.
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Old 09-18-2009, 04:05 PM   #343 (permalink)
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Struggling a little bit on Day 15. Kind of down and feeling sorry for myself. There's a meeting at 8:30 I should probably go to, not sure.
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Old 09-18-2009, 04:20 PM   #344 (permalink)
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Renee I think we are our own worst enemy when it comes to excuses. Like a few nights ago when I had the bottle of Adderall. I kept up the thinking that I was just keeping it for a safety net and that it would be ok to have one or two if I had a test coming up. Don't let yourself talk yourself into drinking. Excuses lead to bigger excuses. The reasoning behind one or two glasses will turn into the reasoning behind getting drunk one or two times.

Cath go to the meeting. If anything it will pick you up to be around people.


I'm having a crappy day. I've got really really bad flu like symptoms. I can't talk myself into going to the doctor. I don't have insurance so it's hard to spend all that money. Especially since I never feel like I have a big enough problem to ask for help. And I'm thinking it might just be part of the detoxing.
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Old 09-18-2009, 04:44 PM   #345 (permalink)
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Hey everyone-day 9 for me! Went to 2 meetings yesterday b/c I was having a major "pity party of one" because someone hurt my feelings. Really glad I did. Today I called one of the ladies from the last meeting and thanked her for what she shared and told her how much it helped me. Totally made her day, too!

To Renee, could you get to a meeting tonight instead of getting with the neighbors? If you haven't tried it, you might be quite surprised how supportive it can be. Just a suggestion. Another thought on excuses for not drinking: I told my heavy-drinking neighbors that I was quitting "for a while" because I've been so depressed and want to see if it improves my mood. No one can argue with that, and then you don't have to keep making excuses. If they care about you, they'll be supportive, if not, then...later!

Cath: Go! And participate...share, unburden yourself. You're in my thoughts.

Cherry: Congrats on day 9. I'm on day 8 myself and if your experience is anything like mine, you are almost certainly still detoxing. Give it a day or 2 and if you still feel bad maybe you should go see an MD. Hang in there--your sweetie's almost home! Can't wait to hear about it!

FR: Congrats on day 9 also! Sounds like you're doing great.

Better me: Day 11--YES! Good for you!

Karma: Wow, you've come a long way, that's awesome! (I'd still count though.)

Purplecat: You rock, that's so awesome you didn't drink. Sometimes that's the hardest part for me, I know how tempting it is, but you're doing it! (Love your avatar BTW)

Congrats to everyone else I missed, and thanks to all for the warm welcomes.
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:20 PM   #346 (permalink)
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Thanks Cherry and Univers. I wish I could go to a meeting, but my husband is out of town all week, and it so happens that a neighborhood husband is watching my kids (with the other neighbor kids) so I can't just up and leave. I'm worried about trying the "depressed" excuse because some neighbor ladies I'm not that close with will be there and I don't want to give too much info. I might try the "trying to lose a few pounds" excuse, but then of course I'll have to limit myself to the appetizers we're all bringing...LOL!

I know I'm being my own worst enemy with thinking I can drink...and I so know where this road will lead...but I don't feel the will power to overcome it.

I think I need to start going to meetings when my husband is home, because I'm just "white knuckling it" so far and I don't feel like I'm really "recovering".
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I think Ill take a moment, celebrate my age/
The ending of an era and the turning of a page/
Now its time to focus in on where I go from here/
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years- Tim McGraw
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:54 PM   #347 (permalink)
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Sorry to all you guys struggling

Renee you don;t have to wait to get to a meeting if thats what you're thinking - if you don't want to drink, you can find an excuse, but no thanks is about as powerful as you get.

If some part of you does want to drink, well thats a different matter - read some of your old posts maybe and remember what you're doing this for?

For me I started getting better when I realised this wasn't about willpower, it was about addiction - and about accepting that addiction...

the only way to get better and stay that way is to not ingest the stuff I'd become addicted to.

It's not about willpower - I think of drinking alcohol now like drinking battery acid - it's an insane thing for me to do.

Cherry - it is probably detox, but please see your doctor if symptoms persist. I found multivitamins useful in early recovery - but don;t take that as medical advice LOL.

Cath - get to that meeting

Good to see the commitment here, guys

D
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Old 09-18-2009, 07:07 PM   #348 (permalink)
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Ok. That was damn hard. Had a birthday party for a close family friend at a bar tonight. Her 65th. Lots of friends and family there. This is after we interred my cousin's ashes this afternoon (he was 33 years old when he died this past May - a new doctor, lovely family, clean living...sigh). Anyway, that was emotional. Plus I have a major muscle crick in my neck and shoulder from too much mousing at work.

Anyway, walked in late - everyone was there. With drinks, of course. I was feeling all cocky because of last night's experience, and was totally unprepared for the feelings of wanting a beer. It would be one, and it would help the pain in my shoulder, right? I've had a bad day, right?

Argued with myself for a few minutes, then asked the waitress for an O'Douls amber. I had three of those, but no real beers. After about 1/2 hour I was talking to friends and enjoying myself. We stayed about 2 1/2 hours. So, all in all I am proud.
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Old 09-18-2009, 10:59 PM   #349 (permalink)
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Great job dealing with that difficult situation Purple!

I am happy to report that I also faced my social scene tonight and remained sober! Whew! Seriously, I was so close to giving in. Thank you all for your support. Dee, your post was particularily helpful, especially: "If some part of you does want to drink, well thats a different matter - read some of your old posts maybe and remember what you're doing this for??" It was a good reminder there is a reason I am staying sober!

It wasn't easy though, and truthfully one of my friends pissed me off big time. She was giving me so much grief for not drinking...."Seriously Renee, you're not gonna drink?" "What's wrong with you? Are you pregnant or what?" "Just have one!" I felt so uncomfortable and embarassed because the spotlight was on me, and they were all waiting for a good enough reason as to why I wasn't having a drink. I said the diet thing, but of course they all say "I'm on a diet too, but tonight I'm gonna drink anyway." and "You go running all the time, you can burn off the calories tomorrow." Later when she was quite drunk, she pulled me aside to drill me more about not drinking and I was honest with her that I just didn't want to drink "for a while" because I can't control it and I don't like how it makes me feel the next day, etc. She surprisingly accepted it and was all sappy and drunk...it's too bad I had to wait for her to be drunk to get through to her, but I can't judge her because I used to be her....less than two weeks ago.

Anyway, I had sober fun, we danced, took goofy pictures, laughed, played a game (anyone ever play Snorta?") and I drank 3 diet pepsi's and am pretty sure they're going to keep me up much of the night. I know I will wake up feeling good tomorrow, and they will be hungover! I'm truly so proud of myself!!

Sorry for the long post! Have a good one Class of September!

Still sober,
Renee
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I think Ill take a moment, celebrate my age/
The ending of an era and the turning of a page/
Now its time to focus in on where I go from here/
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years- Tim McGraw
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Old 09-19-2009, 12:18 AM   #350 (permalink)
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I'm so glad that you didn't drink Renee or Purplecat. That's what this is all about. I'm so glad I don't have to drink today. The compulsion to drink has been lifted. I liked what Dee said...drinking alcohol is like drinking battery acid, it's an insane thing to do. That makes sense to me.
Also, welcome to Fragrantrose. Cath, hope you got to a meeting. That always helps when you are struggling.
Thanks to all who are here. Your posts help me stay sober.
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Old 09-19-2009, 12:24 AM   #351 (permalink)
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I'm really glad and proud you guys made it - your posts help me keep sober too

D
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Old 09-19-2009, 02:43 AM   #352 (permalink)
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I did go to the meeting and got to see my sponsor, which was nice. And stayed sober. I am feeling vulnerable, not so much to drinking or using, but to other things that wouldn't be in my best interest. But still hanging on.

ETA: Day 17. Grateful.
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Last edited by Cath1029; 09-19-2009 at 03:09 AM.
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Old 09-19-2009, 04:24 AM   #353 (permalink)
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" yawn " good moring class .......... im up and at um early this morning gotta lot of rooms to do at the Inn and gonna be a crazy day , but im ok with it i like it when its busy .

Renee.............. WAY TO GO !! proud of you for stickin to your guns on not drinkin thats awesome . Hun one thing I mite add and this is to all newcommers who are dealing with friends that wanna push that " ooh just have one " this is where honnesty comes in Now I know its not easy to be open bout being an addict/alki to others . But if they are your TRUE friends they will respect your choices and support you by not pushing that situation bout having " just one " . Which we all know ONE can kill us . Are we willing to kill our selfs just to please a friend that dont respect our choices ? For me its not even a question I need to think about . They aint worth it in my book . Id rather have no friends and be sober and happy and alive then misserable for makin a bad chocie that my addiction has a vise on me . SO when someone askes me if I wanna drink .. I say sure Ill have a bottle of pop ( soda) or a water .. or simply say No thanks I dont drink , Im alergic But Renee big congats and to all of you as well Purple you pretty color kitty you .. right on for makin another day as well .

Welcome all the new faces , hard to keep up with the names so pardon me from not going back and retreiving them , Lookin forwards to reading your posts .

Today ( this morning ) im greatful for ...... the beautiful array of brite shinie stars outside WOW, ive gotta learn all my constilations theyre were sooo many stars out there . I know its a lil diff to be greatful to the stars but to be honnest with you , How many of us were up early enuff in the morning " sober" to sit and admire them ? Its my AM meditation w/ coffee time and sit outside ( while I can be4 winter hits) its really nice to be able to see it clear headed , not hungover and not gripping that I gotta go to ork this early, Im brite eyed and bushie taled and ready to hammer them rooms out !

Have a wonderful Sat enjoy the Fall weather , and take time to do something a lil extra special for yourselfs , I think you all deserve it !
~ Huggle's Endzy~
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Old 09-19-2009, 06:27 AM   #354 (permalink)
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Reflections on alcoholic thinking on day 10 of sobriety;
A few weeks ago I had a blood test coming up - my MCVs and triglycerides were high on the last test - typical - my doctor got me to admit I had a drinking problem and I knew I had to do something. My plan was to cut back, not stop drinking. I refrained from drinking at lunch (except Fridays and weekends of course). I waited until I got home before popping that Coors tallboy, instead of in the car. (What will power!). That got me down to about 6 drinks a day instead of 8 or 10. Well, it didn't work. I have an appointment with a cardiologist next week. I'm pretty confident I can stay sober until then but I worry about afterwards. he could say I'm fine (off to the bar to celebrate!) or he could say I'm doomed (drink up, the end is near!). That will be the next big test - in the meanwhile I'll keep going to the gym every day and enjoy feeling good for a change. Wish me luck and thanks for being there, I'm sure I'll be leaning on you all a bit more in coming weeks.
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Old 09-19-2009, 06:57 AM   #355 (permalink)
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Jeffrey- welcome and congratulations on day 10! I'm sorry to hear about your health problems; I'm sure it is so stressful waiting for your cardio appointment and the results it will bring. My hope for you would be that if you are fine (fingers crossed!) you will consider it a second chance, a new lease on life, and all the more reason to continue your worthwhile sober lifestyle. Please keep us posted!

Endzy- thanks for your comments and thanks for everyone else also for their encouragement. I agree with you that friends pressuring you to drink aren't worth it, and I'm gradually sharing my alcohol addiction with those close to me so I can either have their support or cross them off my list of people I consider my friends.

I too was sitting outside this morning, clear-headed, coffee-in-hand, and enjoying the beautiful, unseasonably warm MN weather. Winter will come for us all too soon, so I'm happy to have these sober and hangover-free days to enjoy before then!

Have a great day everyone! Thank you all for posting here, I really feel a connect to this group...almost like my own little AA group since I haven't been to any face to face meetings.
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I think Ill take a moment, celebrate my age/
The ending of an era and the turning of a page/
Now its time to focus in on where I go from here/
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years- Tim McGraw
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Old 09-19-2009, 07:00 AM   #356 (permalink)
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Anyone read the book called : Drunkard: A hard-drinking life. by Neil Steinberg? It's copyright 2008 and a memoir of his life as an alcoholic and mostly as he goes through rehab and recovery. He is a great writer (actually writes for a Chicago newspaper) full of sarcasm and cynicism that makes me laugh out loud occassionally as he details his journey to sobriety. I highly recommend it!!
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I think Ill take a moment, celebrate my age/
The ending of an era and the turning of a page/
Now its time to focus in on where I go from here/
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years- Tim McGraw
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Old 09-19-2009, 07:06 AM   #357 (permalink)
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Congrats Renee!! We rock. :-)

Hang in there Jeffrey. You can do it - both now and after the test.

Endzy - my favorite constellation is Orion. He's out there all big and beautiful in the morning, right in the middle of the sky. This would be around 6:00 am my time, 5:00 am yours, I think.
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Old 09-19-2009, 07:53 AM   #358 (permalink)
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Renee, I've put a hold on the book from the library. Thanks for the recommendation. I could use some sober humor right now in my life. Thanks!
Purplecat, endzoner and Renee. I'll have to check out the sky in the early am.
Jeffrey, hope you find the sober life rewarding and decide to stay.
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Old 09-19-2009, 10:15 AM   #359 (permalink)
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Congrats to Renee and Purple. Way to go! You are truly inspiring.

Renee, I got so mad reading your post about your friend pushing you to drink. It just floors me how people who drink a lot want their friends to do so too. I have a neighbor who used to come over every day, beer in hand. I told her a week ago I wasn't drinking anymore for my mental health, and she hasn't been over once since then. No surprise there. On the other hand, I told my BFF exactly why I wasn't drinking, and he has been totally supportive, even offered not to drink around me.

I still wake up with a screaming headache every morning for some reason--takes me a minute or 2 to realize I'm not hungover. Today is day 10!
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Old 09-19-2009, 10:46 AM   #360 (permalink)
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Went to a women's meeting, cried. My sponsor was there and encouraged me to share, so I told how I am struggling right now. People were nice. Just sad today, but it will be all right.
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