Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 1
Hello
I don't know that I'm posting in the right spot. I stumbled across this site when I was looking for ways to celebrate his 2 years sobriety.
I didn't find a list of questions I'm supposed to answer, so I'm going to post what I put in my online journal 2 weeks ago:
(Notes: My husband's name is Stacey. He sobered up on his own. No medications, no doctors, no rehab. Just laid on the couch in his "man den" and "slept it off". It was only AFTER he was sober I was told he could have died.
)
August 17th, 2009
2:59pm
Wow!
Stacey is 19 months sober today. (Edit: It was YESTERDAY!)
I was thinking...
it's funny that when he first quit drinking, I would count how many days he'd been sober. The whole "one day at a time" bit. I couldn't completely relax and not be on edge and would constantly think "He's gone x amount of days without drinking before, and he ends up starting again." I was waiting to be disappointed, but not surprised, that he started drinking again. I would walk into his "man den" and he would be laying on the couch, shivering (more likely seizures), sweating and sleeping. And I would think "he's gonna give up."
Then, as time progressed and he hadn't had a drink, I started to relax a bit and started to count his sobriety in weeks. And that felt good. He was no longer locking himself in the "man den" and we were starting to have actual, lucid conversations. We were restarting our relationship. Getting to know each other again. I was gaining back my husband, and not taking care of a big child.
Of course, time marches on. I've been counting his sobriety in months now. I am so very proud of him for all this. I'm more relaxed about the whole thing. Even as we visit family during holidays and everyone else is drinking, he does not. If he's offered a drink, he refuses. He says "I know what I'm like when I'm drunk, and I don't like it." He won't even have a sip of anything. My brother, at first, had a bit of an issue with it ("c'mon man, I saw you drink like a fish that Christmas"), but he's come to understand and respect Stacey's decision.
I'm still cautiously guarded, sometimes, about his decision to not drink. Most days...most weeks....hell, most MONTHS...I never worry about whether or not he's going to start drinking again. The eggshells are getting thicker and easier to walk on, but once in awhile, especially when he's stated that he's had a particularly BAD day, I can't help but think "Is this it? Is this the situation that's going to push him back to drinking?" And, when the day passes and he hasn't started drinking again, I breathe a little easier.
I wonder, though, will I ever be completely relaxed enough to finally move on to saying "He's been sober for x years??"
I guess, only time will tell.
We've never been to counseling. We've never been to A.A. or Al-Anon. We've just...lived. And, it's been a great life without alcohol.
I don't know what else to add. I decided to join...well, I don't know. I guess because I love seeing success stories and I want to support those just beginning their journey.
Feel free to ask me any questions. I hate talking about myself unless specific questions are asked.
~*~Tracy~*~
I didn't find a list of questions I'm supposed to answer, so I'm going to post what I put in my online journal 2 weeks ago:
(Notes: My husband's name is Stacey. He sobered up on his own. No medications, no doctors, no rehab. Just laid on the couch in his "man den" and "slept it off". It was only AFTER he was sober I was told he could have died.
)August 17th, 2009
2:59pm
Wow!
Stacey is 19 months sober today. (Edit: It was YESTERDAY!)
I was thinking...
it's funny that when he first quit drinking, I would count how many days he'd been sober. The whole "one day at a time" bit. I couldn't completely relax and not be on edge and would constantly think "He's gone x amount of days without drinking before, and he ends up starting again." I was waiting to be disappointed, but not surprised, that he started drinking again. I would walk into his "man den" and he would be laying on the couch, shivering (more likely seizures), sweating and sleeping. And I would think "he's gonna give up."
Then, as time progressed and he hadn't had a drink, I started to relax a bit and started to count his sobriety in weeks. And that felt good. He was no longer locking himself in the "man den" and we were starting to have actual, lucid conversations. We were restarting our relationship. Getting to know each other again. I was gaining back my husband, and not taking care of a big child.
Of course, time marches on. I've been counting his sobriety in months now. I am so very proud of him for all this. I'm more relaxed about the whole thing. Even as we visit family during holidays and everyone else is drinking, he does not. If he's offered a drink, he refuses. He says "I know what I'm like when I'm drunk, and I don't like it." He won't even have a sip of anything. My brother, at first, had a bit of an issue with it ("c'mon man, I saw you drink like a fish that Christmas"), but he's come to understand and respect Stacey's decision.
I'm still cautiously guarded, sometimes, about his decision to not drink. Most days...most weeks....hell, most MONTHS...I never worry about whether or not he's going to start drinking again. The eggshells are getting thicker and easier to walk on, but once in awhile, especially when he's stated that he's had a particularly BAD day, I can't help but think "Is this it? Is this the situation that's going to push him back to drinking?" And, when the day passes and he hasn't started drinking again, I breathe a little easier.
I wonder, though, will I ever be completely relaxed enough to finally move on to saying "He's been sober for x years??"
I guess, only time will tell.
We've never been to counseling. We've never been to A.A. or Al-Anon. We've just...lived. And, it's been a great life without alcohol.
I don't know what else to add. I decided to join...well, I don't know. I guess because I love seeing success stories and I want to support those just beginning their journey.
Feel free to ask me any questions. I hate talking about myself unless specific questions are asked.
~*~Tracy~*~
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 26
Welcome to the forums Stacey! 
Reading through that story, it's amazing to think of two years! You must be really proud of him. He sounds like an old fashioned man, the whole getting over it and dealing with it himself!
I'm a believer in doing what you feel comfortable with and it sounds like he's doing just that.
I appreciate that you must always be fearing that day, but focus and leave him to it, he seems to be doing a pretty good job. Try not to go through life worrying about what might happen. If, and I sincerely hope it doesn't, if it happens cross that bridge when you come to it and in the mean time keep strong, for yourself and for him.
Reading through that story, it's amazing to think of two years! You must be really proud of him. He sounds like an old fashioned man, the whole getting over it and dealing with it himself!
I'm a believer in doing what you feel comfortable with and it sounds like he's doing just that.I appreciate that you must always be fearing that day, but focus and leave him to it, he seems to be doing a pretty good job. Try not to go through life worrying about what might happen. If, and I sincerely hope it doesn't, if it happens cross that bridge when you come to it and in the mean time keep strong, for yourself and for him.
Big Idiot Man Child
Join Date: May 2004
Location: La
Posts: 5,664
Your husband has done a wonderful thing. Proof that you can do it without anything other than yourself. Many, many people quit by themselves(or with help of family) and stay quit forever. I saw Penn and Teller do a show on addiction and they found that MOST people who quit and stay quit do it by themselves. My hat's off to the guy !!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Welcome Tracy, good for you and good for you husband! I quit drinking on my own as well, went to AA for the first 2 months but I know better what works for me. I have 1 sister who lives on the other side of the country from me and she worries all the time that I'm going to drink again and all her worrying has done has made me pull away from her so just be supportive of your husband and relax.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Thanks for sharing that Tracy and I really mean that deeply. It is, not sure how to say this, very good to hear the spouse's side of this. My husband has dealt years with the fact that I was on again and off again and mostly off the wagon. He has had one heck of a time with it, but I guess I never saw it in quite this way. I needed to read this and I appreciate your honesty. Congratulations to your sober spouse. God bless you both and thanks again.
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