OddSpot80

Thank you. I am beginning to think I do need to find a program. I've been browsing the forum and it seems like drinking is to a drunks life as recovery is to a sober persons life. I'm assuming and hoping the latter is eventually easier than the former over time? But there's no way for drinking to stop being a problem is there? People start drinking for a reason. But they didn't drink at one point. You'd think there would be a solution. What was changed or awakened or altered? It seems rediculous that I have to monitor this problem considering monitoring myself probably contributed to the problem.

nogard

Hi OS there is a solution its called Recovery which is what we are doing. In terms of support I go to NA and AA and that helps me a lot. In some ways its not a lot different from what we do here. There are other programs like SMART. In the end it does not really matter what you choose. The things they have in common in recovery seem to be:

Recovery from booze and drugs
Actions we need to make to grow
Other addicts/alkies to support us.

Personally I would and will do whatever it takes to stop stay stopped come to terms with the underlying issues and take whatever action I need to to be rid of them or grow.

If cartwheeling down the street for 2 hours a day was the program then I would learn do that, whatver it takes

Kevin

pillzrbadd

Cartwheeling..LOL i would too!!

OddSpot80

I'm tired of trying to make sense of the problem. I don't think there is any sense to the problem. I guess all that's left is letting go of it, right? I'd feel a lot better if I could kick it's ass. Rastle it down and make it submit. Hey, does anyone out there have a first time at an AA meeting story? I'd really appreciate one

nogard

I have found no sense to the problem, I try to just get on with the solution.

My first time was a midday meeting in Melbourne. I sat at the back sweating and shaking and smelly, thought no one saw me. As people walked by they shook my hand. Someone gave me a 1/2 full cup of coffee and after as I ran for the door someone said keep coming back.

I hated it and I knew I was not one of them and was better than them and was never going back... 4 years and 3 months later I am still going back and I love the fellowship and adore meetings. I have been given a new life and its still unfloding.

What kept me going back? Hope and my heart and my life is wonderful when I listen to my heart and live with hope.

So no funny stories OS but an honest one

Kevin

OddSpot80

Did you keep going back to the same one you started with?

nogard

Yes for many months and sometimes still do but I went to others after the first few days, I went to one or two meetings a day for the first year or so. Over 4 years later I still do 2 - 4 meetings a week. Some of them AA and some NA.

Kevin

OddSpot80

What is the participation like? Are you expected to start contributing and/or guiding at some point.

nogard

No nothing like that. All you do is listen as well as you can. when your ready you can share.

All thats required is to put bum on seat be as open as you can.

nogard

Some members don't share for a long long time, some share rarely. Me, at some point I was busting to share my experience strength and hope (ESH) and these days I share whenever asked.

nogard

I am off shopping and to walk the dogs, they are driving me nuts!

OddSpot80

That helps. Thank you. I've been suprised in the past. Went for help then was expected to perform. Being able to observe for a while would be refreshing.

keen2bclean

Thank you for this...just what I needed to read as I try to build up the courage to attend a meeting...it has helped to remove some of the fear.

nogard

back from Shopping and walking the dogs, they are now driving me nuts for dinner!

Just to add that I hated asking for help and was so frigthened of meetings at 1st, but I was never harrased or put on the spot only loved slowly back to life. Today I love meetings and attend them knowing I will leave with hope in my heart.

Kevin

CarolD

For me....AA is an awesome adventure in living sober.

Good to know you are considering checking it out.

Keep in focus...you too can win over alcohol.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR OddSpot...... my first AA meeting........ Well I had been really pounding them all day and the wife gets home and she is POed beyond belief!!!! She told me she was really getting sick & tired of me being drunk all the time, so to defend myslef I told her "Well I am going to an AA meeting tonight!" She just went inside & I returned to my garage for another beer.

Well I left for the meeting and stopped at the store for a 6 pack, drank 3 on the way to the meeting.... I was plowed, I just knew I was going to find a group of miserable old men sitting around whining about how they could not drink any more.

What I found was a group of men and women, some were joking around and laughing, most had a smile on thier faces and a twinkle in thier eye, most of them were at least talking.

Now here is the kicker, I am drunk on my butt, yet none of these people shunned me, instead many of them came up to me and introduced them selfs and welcomed me! It was a speakers meeting and I sat and listened to the speaker and when the meeting was over the speaker came up to me and handed me a book, Alcholics Anonymous was the title, I do remember him telling me to keep coming back.

I drank the remainder of the 6 pack on my way home.

Well 5 more years of drinking later I went to my second AA meeting..... I was in a medical detox and all of us went to an AA meeting every night. Same thing just different people.

I was to drunk to be scared at my first AA meeting and so beaten by alcohol when I went to my second AA meeting that all of my fear was gone and I was simply desperate for a solution to my alcoholism...... I found that solution in the fellowship & program of AA.

OddSpot80

Well, I went to my first meeting last night. I wasn't planning to. I wasn't planning on drinking either so I was in bed by 6 (if I'm not drinking then I'm in bed). I had as many distractions around me as I could to get through until sleep but at around 7:30 something hit my window, hard. I was a falcon. Poor thing was laying on its back gasping for air. I don't what it broke but it wasn't moving too well. It was so tragic and random. I felt confused and weirded out by it but, for whatever reason, it made me decide to go. I told myself I would just sit in my car when I got there. I saw some people walking through the lot when I drove up so I thought I could handle following them (by walking over to where they were then following them I just ended up making a bid loop around back to my car. Felt pretty stupid about that but oh well). I kept my eyes on the ground. I didn't feel like I could look at where I was going if I was ever going to make it there. But I did and I was suprised to see so many people there. That place was PACKED. I had to say my name and tell them that I was an alcoholic (I still struggle with that word). I didn't say it loud enough so someone, very nicely and encouragingly, asked me to repeat it. It was a good thing but a difficult thing.
Anyway, I went to the beginners group and had the nuts and bolts explained to me. I met some very nice people who gave me their numbers...this is just confusing to me. I don't get this. Why is everyone so nice and willing to give of themselves? Why did everyone there seem to have it so much more together than me? Aren't we going through the same thing? I don't know...there's a huge part of me that wants to reject this. That refuses to believe that those people are real. Like if I interogated them under a bright light they'd break and confess that it's all fake. I mean, I know that isn't true but, ug, anyway...
Afterwards, I'm all shaky and sweaty and can't talk for fear of bawling instead. So I raced to my car and started to drive home but kept driving past my apt. I stupidly drove past one of my regulars at, like, 1 minute before closing. The door was about to close and I paniced. So 30 mins later I'm sitting on my bed calmly chating to my best friend online while franticly slamming beer before my 2am bedtime. How stupid is that? I wasn't going to drink. I go to a meeting and end up drinking. I had 3 numbers in my purse and my best friend online and I couldn't ask any of them for help? WTF? What is that?
I feel like sh** so I'm going to miss class again tonight and have a long evening to think about drinking or not drinking or drinking or not drinking or.....
Even if I did call someone up, I wouldn't have anything to say. My brain has shut down at that point. All I can think is drink.
Sigh..sorry for the rant. I'm just frustrated. I have the opportunity to change, to turn my life around and get my sh** together and I keep f****** up. I'm not a stupid person so why do I keep acting to illogicaly and irrationally? I just don't want to know what's going to gush out if I open up. Gush, more like a tsunami. The casualties, oh god! Anyway, I'm not going to stop trying. One of these days I'll get it right.

keen2bclean

I wanted to say Oddspot welldone on having the courage to overcome your fears of attending that first meeting...you're a braver person than me, I'm still yet to build up that courage....still battling the question 'is it for me'....I can imagine myself doing much the same thing as you..following people and ending back at my car...but you got there, you stayed and you listened...you did it! The ice is broken now so it wont be as hard the next time...I would imagine that alot of the longer term AA members are so nice and readily give of themselves to you as they have been where you are and have grown by working the program, they want to give you that hope too ...also I believe they need to be able to help the 'new guy' to maintain their own path. I think I would find all that overwhelming too...almost surreal...don't let it put you off tho...you have nothing to lose by giving it another go...I have read alot of AA members talk of 'surrendering' yourself and working the program...perhaps in time you will feel ready for that....perhaps not and you will find another way....either way you are still determined to stop which is the main thing. I'm going it alone so far with the use of this site...so far so good...I've learnt alot by reading all the posts here...but I know it will get harder and I know I may slip....forget the beers you had that night....its in the past...draw a line under that episode and take it one day at a time...today I will not drink...good luck and thanks for sharing your experience

OddSpot80

Thanks Keen, I like your new pic btw. I actually did start to feel comfortable there near the end. It wasn't the people or anything like that that made me freak, it was me. Having to admit to myself and a room full of strangers that I'm an alcoholic was, I don't know, it was a place, mentally, that I hadn't been to before that. I guess closer to acknowledging powerlessness? IDK, I'm tired and analizing myself is draining.
I will say this, I have never found a group, in my life, that I felt I belonged to. Like it or not I think I finally found it. That makes me feel good, though.
Good luck Keen and thanks again. Just so you know, I don't believe in a higher power at all and I don't think it matters. The leader of the group I was in made it clear that he felt the same way but found a way to make it work for him. So it's open to whatever you believe.

nogard

wtg (((OS)))