RevelationAddiction
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
RevelationAddiction
This thought has more or less solidified in my head over the last week, "I was an addict; therefore the vast majority of my thoughts and actions were geared toward procuring alcohol and rationalizing its use... I am still and Addict... I just am now aware." Anyone have a similar revelation while drying out/ starting "recovery/ rehab", new life etc? For me this is pretty profound and seems to be a classic manifestation of denial.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
yeah i had a revelation...
the history is this....i stopped drinking a few times.....sometimes for a week
maybe a month if everyone treated me good..lol....
being sober for me was a living hell......constantly hindered by thoughts of drinking........attempts at controlled drinking.
deep depressions and thoughts of suicide......obssessive around alot of things
gambling raised it head more than once.
jeez i was so hard to stay sober......how do they do it.
id been to AA till it was coming out of my ears......sick of hearing how they just light up and get on with life........do want to drink...dont need to drink.
me.........i was a mess......i always remember my wife saying you act like your drinking anyway...
one big miserable white knuckle ride for me and anyone near me.
i knew of the big book.........but thats it really....i thought the program was the rooms and the book.....well thats for the Christians right?
rarely did i come across anyone that drank like me or felt like i did when i weren't drinking....
i didn't know nothing about drugs till i went into AA here in the UK.
then after my last drunk.........i hit AA for the last time.....that was my decision then.
i decided to end my life "if i couldn't light up" like the rest of them....
i decided through gritted teeth to do 90 in 90 like was suggested....again.
then a guy whom id seen around for a while....maybe 25 years sober came up to me and said...."i know how you feel lad"
yeah i bet you do......i said.......arrogant and rude as i was.
he said that there is a solution to our dilemma and you ain't gonna find it here in "this" meeting....
he told me how sober he was.....i was surprised because id seen him washing up and you dont do that unless your a newcomer right?....lol....bs
the revelation for me?.........i read the doctors opinion......
and there i was right there.........the real alcoholic.
it talked about an allergy..........and a mental obssesion........
so.......i wasn't the only one...here it was exactly what is wrong with me.
my sponsor asked me if I'm prepared to stop whining and put some work in.
for sure......i couldn't feel like this any longer......
then that book told me precisely how to recover.....
not easy.......but easier than living with me for any amount of time.
Ive recovered......and live a happy wholesome life free from alcohol and free from the awful obsession of taking another.
thats my revelation.
the history is this....i stopped drinking a few times.....sometimes for a week
maybe a month if everyone treated me good..lol....
being sober for me was a living hell......constantly hindered by thoughts of drinking........attempts at controlled drinking.
deep depressions and thoughts of suicide......obssessive around alot of things
gambling raised it head more than once.
jeez i was so hard to stay sober......how do they do it.
id been to AA till it was coming out of my ears......sick of hearing how they just light up and get on with life........do want to drink...dont need to drink.
me.........i was a mess......i always remember my wife saying you act like your drinking anyway...
one big miserable white knuckle ride for me and anyone near me.
i knew of the big book.........but thats it really....i thought the program was the rooms and the book.....well thats for the Christians right?
rarely did i come across anyone that drank like me or felt like i did when i weren't drinking....
i didn't know nothing about drugs till i went into AA here in the UK.
then after my last drunk.........i hit AA for the last time.....that was my decision then.
i decided to end my life "if i couldn't light up" like the rest of them....
i decided through gritted teeth to do 90 in 90 like was suggested....again.
then a guy whom id seen around for a while....maybe 25 years sober came up to me and said...."i know how you feel lad"
yeah i bet you do......i said.......arrogant and rude as i was.
he said that there is a solution to our dilemma and you ain't gonna find it here in "this" meeting....
he told me how sober he was.....i was surprised because id seen him washing up and you dont do that unless your a newcomer right?....lol....bs
the revelation for me?.........i read the doctors opinion......
and there i was right there.........the real alcoholic.
it talked about an allergy..........and a mental obssesion........
so.......i wasn't the only one...here it was exactly what is wrong with me.
my sponsor asked me if I'm prepared to stop whining and put some work in.
for sure......i couldn't feel like this any longer......
then that book told me precisely how to recover.....
not easy.......but easier than living with me for any amount of time.
Ive recovered......and live a happy wholesome life free from alcohol and free from the awful obsession of taking another.
thats my revelation.
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