rochadad

As I mentioned a while back, I've been in and out of AA for the past 1 and a half years, but I keep picking myself up and going back. I have 19 days sober and feeling great with no desire to pick up a drink. However, my temporary sponsor phoned me today to suggest that I get a new sponsor because I haven't been following his directions. His only direction was to read the doctors opinion and Bills story and write down how it relates to me. I did this but we were unable to get together to discuss it. We did have plans to meet one time to discuss it, but I was late...my bad. I call and leave messages on his answering service and he calls back and we talk about our day. I'm not making excuses, but isn't the goal of AA sponsorship to share strength, courage, and hope? How strengthening is it to be told that "we are pulling for you but you don't seem to want it". I've already been rejected by my wife, girlfriend, and lost the trust of family and friends, and to face yet another rejection (while sober) by my sponsor makes me question if AA is right for me. By the way, I still have no desire to drink, and want to continue with the program, but I feel like I no longer fit in. AA implies that doing it on your own is setting yourself up for failure, yet my sponsor burns out on me leaving me...well, on my own. I'm just a little confused, because AA is my only support, and I now feel that even they aren't supportive. If anything it is more damaging, because its not bars or looking at alcohol that are my triggers. its loneliness, low self-esteem, and rejection. I'm still very content not drinking today, and tomorrow will be day 20, but I no longer look forward to acknowledging day 30 at an AA meeting. Just confused thats all.

tkdan

Don't judge AA by one person. The only requirement if a desire to quit drinking. Keep staying sober one day at a time, and trust God to bring the right sponsor into your life. I've never understood sponsors that try to be ultra strict. After all we are alcoholics. I know for me that type of sponsor does not cut it, I'm too hard headed and was way too prideful when I walked into the rooms to have some one be that way with me. Don't give up on AA. Many lives have been saved because of the program, and so can yours.

tkdan

Oh and congrats on 19 days sober. Just remember this can be a tough time, but you can do it.

Taking5

Try different groups. Each AA group is different and has its own "personality". You will find the right group and right sponsor in time.

Wolfchild

As a sponsor, i accepted the responsibilty to serve as a guide thru the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions for each sponsee. Writing and working those Steps & Traditions is the committment they have decided to adhere to for themselves. At that point Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness start to work together and brings us closer together. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other as it relates to the Step or Tradition they are currently on. i have come to believe that Reality and God are far better teachers of spiritual principles then i could ever be. All i can do is live them on a daily basis to the best of my ability and hope to serve as an example to others. If i refuse to follow direction, then i obviously have a reservation to go back to running my life on self will. My sponsor is intimatly involved with my life and my recovery enough to spot this when it happens. He reminds me to accept that i am beginning to create a problem and guides me back to the basics of the program.

If you cannot become willing to accept and surrender to a simple spiritual program of recovery, as outlined in the !2 Steps & 12 Traditions, you will suffer the consequences. If you want what this way of life offers, then you are ready to take certain steps and put in the necessary work to get it. If you are not entirely ready, give yourself a break. Allow God to do for you what you seem incapable of doing for yourself and hang on. The miracle is already in process and there will come a time where you will begin to make progress. Stay clean & sober and god luck!

Seekingsobriety

"AA implies that doing it on your own is setting yourself up for failure"

That is exactly what I found, and why I don't go anymore. SOME "Lifers" in AA don't believe there is any other way.......but trust me, there is. Lots of them. If AA isn't working for you, don't feel bad. The last meeting I attended I was ATTACKED by an old dyed-in-the-wool AA'er who basically YELLED at me that I wasn't following the "program" Well, F8ck him. I have 95 days sober and did it DESPITE and WITHOUT the "program". I may go back, but it will be to help and inspire others, not to preach the program.

I'd suggest you try a different AA group if possible, it may be vastly different. If not, hang around here lots and keep posting!

Seekingsobriety

"If you cannot become willing to accept and surrender to a simple spiritual program of recovery, as outlined in the !2 Steps & 12 Traditions, you will suffer the consequences."


No offense dude, but there it is in a nutshell. If you don't do it the AA way, you SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES?? C'mon.

1_day@_a_time

The AA literature clearly defines this kind of person as a "bleeding deacon", NOT an "elder statesman". (Tradition Two, pg 135. might want to read about it. In such cases, it's the responsibility of the secretary at the meeting to speak with them.)

We are all human, and it would appear he is simply mistaken. Sorry to hear of your situation.

Hope you find a different meeting, one that's solution oriented.

Plenty exist.

1_day@_a_time

Time to move along??? Don't let it slow you down........and suggest you not let this situation define AA.

For whatever it's worth, I've had a very different experience.

You can too.

TheSunAlsoRises

Hey man... I have had some horrible experiences with AA. But i'm still in it. Try a different meeting. Or at the least a different sponsor. Usually when I get to know those types I realize there hearts are in the right place... but lets face it no one gets to AA by singing to loud in the choir... Sometimes the 'tough love' in AA is just a front for how much that person is hurting... You'll be in my prayers...