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Old 08-21-2009, 08:02 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Certified Junkie Trying To Stay Clean


Yes I have given myself that title. I am probably really certified in that area of my life as well as many other areas as well.

I have 13 days off of the meth crap today and it is extremely hard! Somedays are not soo bad but other days when people keep calling and texting well those days are a pain in the azzzz. I just keep to myself besides going to my meetings and of course I still have a few closed mouth friends that I do talk with everyday which is pretty cool.

I lost everything that I owned pretty much again, friends, family members, just too see the pain in there face, was heart breaking and gave me enough courage, too try to do this deal again. I swore that I would not get clean again. I wanted to die since my sister passed away in February. How dare her die before me anyways. She was a good person, don't know why she had to go, it would have been better off if I was the choosen one to die instead of her.

Some say that I am suffering from what is called "Survivors Guilt" or something like that. Not sure what it is but she was my best friend and when she was gone that is when I went back to that CRAP! No excuse at all. So here I am going nuts today, trying to get back on track. Going to be hard with no Internet or computer. I am at the Library right now which BTW I have to check out my time is up.

Well that is a little bit about what has gone on and will post more hopefully tomorrow.
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Old 08-21-2009, 08:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Vic,

I know how much your sister meant to you, but you also know that she would want you to be clean and sober.

It's great to see you back and working on your sobriety.
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Old 08-21-2009, 08:11 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Vic, it's good to see you back here and great that you're clean. I've lost so many people in my life, but I have no doubt they'd be happy to know I'm sober. Please keep checking in, you've always been a member of the "family" on SR.
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Old 08-21-2009, 08:18 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome back, Vic.
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Old 08-21-2009, 08:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome back Vic....
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Old 08-21-2009, 08:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
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So Good to see you again as I'm sorry that your in distress and yet glad again your heading in the right direction. Take good care Vic.
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Old 08-21-2009, 08:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome home, Vic. I'm glad you made it back to us.
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Old 08-21-2009, 04:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hiya Vic

I reckon you have a chance to build a great legacy for your sister (and you) with what you do with the rest of your life.

Don't waste it, Vic - you're better than that.

welcome back mate
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Old 08-21-2009, 05:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi Vic, I've really missed you.

You've probably got no idea how happy it made me to see your email last night.

You've been in my thoughts a lot.
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Old 08-31-2009, 04:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Well I used one time since I posted and that was about a week ago. but I still don't feel safe at all. Not even sure if I feel safe posting about much either but I have to do what I have to do. Sometimes it isn't the easiest thing to do the right thing. Life saying I screwed up again. Once Again...

I was doing great, basically staying to myself besides the meetings and going out to the lake with a friend once in a while. I was sitting outside my place, enjoying the day, taking Chance pottie, and from around the corner...

OUT OF NOWHERE>>>>

Yep peeps show up. Damn it...

I know we can't blame anyone but ourselves. Shoot I keep telling everyone that I am trying to be good. LOL like that don't matter. Well I was here at the Library so I thought that I would at least give you all a update. I will try to get here more often.
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Old 08-31-2009, 04:13 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Stay safe Vic, we think about you and pray for your recovery.
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Old 08-31-2009, 04:35 PM   #12 (permalink)
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good to see you again Vic - keep swatting that rat

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Old 08-31-2009, 04:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Vic, take care of yourself!
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Old 08-31-2009, 08:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Yes..Welcome HOME Vic!
You have been missed more than you know.
I know losing your sister had to be heart wrenching.
I cant even imagine the day I have to experience death like that.
But like already said. She would want you to take care of yourself and be clean.
I am glad your back. I hope you stay.
You had quite an impressive amount of clean time. I know you can do it again.
Chase those rats away. And do it with a firm attitude. No LOL's about it.
Your too valuable Vic.
Hope you stay close and please take care of YOU!
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Old 08-31-2009, 08:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
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awwww, (((Vic))) I'm so glad to see you back here! You've been greatly missed.

Don't ever give up on yourself, sweetie...you are worth way too much and you obviously haven't lost everyone...there's still a lot of people here who care a lot about you (like me!!)

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 09-01-2009, 07:05 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Good to see you again Vic. Hang in there and keep fighting the fight. You know what you need to do, you've done it before. It sure can suck in the beginning, but in the long run, the rewards outweigh the struggle. Take care bro.
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Old 09-04-2009, 09:13 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Thanks Everyone

I couldn't do this deal alone I KNOW THAT and I am grateful for each of you

I have over a week in again. Things are going good. I just got me a new house to move into. I talked with my friend in the Program and he thought that this would be a good idea to get out of the place where I am. I thought it was going to be the 15th but the guy said that I could probably start moving in as soon as Tuesday.

So I am going to be very busy and sober. I am not doing too bad. Of course I have a negative thinking a lot as most of you know toward myself. I today, have refused to think negative or trying to. I have a lot of hurts, but there are others that are hurting a lot worse than I am that is for sure.

So glad to be here and doing this deal. I am at the library right now, wish that I had my own computer but that is all part of the addiction **** that I have to go through it seems like. I am back into counseling, I am doing my meetings, and trying to HIDE! I know that isn't funny but it seems at first I have to hide from certain people.

Well enough out of me I have a few other things to do. checked my email and had 4,000 messages LMAO
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Old 09-04-2009, 09:27 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chance View Post

I swore that I would not get clean again. I wanted to die since my sister passed away in February. How dare her die before me anyways. She was a good person, don't know why she had to go, it would have been better off if I was the choosen one to die instead of her.
Your story sounds similar to Earl Hightower's. Try downloading some of his open talks at:

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

Search for Earl H
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Old 09-04-2009, 10:49 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Hi Chance. Don't think you know me, but I do remember you. I am glad you returned to SR and made it back safely. I am so sorry for you regarding your sister. I am sure that had to be so very devastating, but I am glad you are trying to come back. You CAN do it and if it helps, do it for your sister because I can think of no greater gift. Hugs - Sarah
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Old 09-04-2009, 11:44 AM   #20 (permalink)
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(((Vic))))

I have every confidence that you can do this and am happy you are making positive changes & doing the next right things.
You were among the first few here @ SR to respond to me when my son was relapsing. I came back to post again, in part due to your kindness and ESH.

Thank you and please continue to take proper care of yourself.
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