tabata

it's been over three weeks with no drink for me and i've had some tough nights where i really wanted to drink and had a high level of stress becuase of it.

last night was my 39th bday dinner and my dad, who knows i am not drinking, but doesn't know the extent of my issues orders a bottle of whine.

the waiter puts a glass in front of me and pours...........

i let it sit for 5 or so minutes and think "what the hell..." and take a sip.

so after about 10 or 15 minutes i'd drank over half the glass butthat was it! i recieved no enjoyment in drinking that whine and it actually stressed me out pretty bad.

in a strange way i think this made me stronger and i hope it helps with removing some of the stress i have between 5 and 9PM everyday and enforces that i don't need to drink anymore.

at the end of the night my dad said he was proud of me and that was nice to hear.

tallcactus

((tabata))
Well done, now U know. Just do not drink. Next time, tell Dad and the waiter, even before the bottle is brought out. "No, I'll have Ice tea," or such.
Stay strong.

OZboy

..stop worrying..
your 39 your here..and that's,i hope,where you want to be..but
..please..stay calm..post more..if you wish ..Oz

smacked

a lot of us had false starts before we finally decided to stay sober. I found it a relief to tell my friends and family that I no longer drink, no ifs ands or buts. I didn't have to go into details of my issues, but I expected that they respect that decision for sure. At the end of it all, though.. it's up to us. I'm sure I've had a few drinks bought for me, handed a glass for a pitcher of beer, it's only up to me to drink or not. No one else keeps me sober.

MycoolFitz

In early sobriety we are constantly faced with temptations, like fate is tempering our resolve in the searing fire of craving. The more we endure the stronger we become and the less temptations seem to be in our path. Stay with it, avoid picking up or "slipping" though slipping infers an accident and it never is, it's a choice. If you endure there will come a time when a glass of wine placed before you will cause you to think, "Oh, there's a glass of wine before me, isn't that funny", and place it aside. No big deal.Thanks for posting and your honesty. It will get better as you get better.

tommyk

For me it would be extremely dangerous behavior.

I have challenged my self to control my drinking on too many occasisons - it is ALWAYS short lived. At some point I end up getting drunk (because that's what I like).

Congrats on not going all of the way.

keep coming back.

BreakFree

(((tabata)))...Happy Belated Birthday! :) It's amazing how similiar your post is to mine, which I posted yesterday over in the August thread. We had what appears to be the exact same experience. Stay strong, move forward and make the right choice next time...that'll all we can do! :)

yeahgr8

Sorry you chose to drink! I certainly don't agree with any posts that say not to worry, you know the extent that alcohol ***** up your life and it will get a lot worse. Surely you don't want to be jerking around with this at 49? Have you got a program you are going to use to help you as it isn't working on your own...

Happy belated birthday by the way, i'll be catching up with you next May...wishing you the best and hoping you don't take this as a little slip again!

tabata

thank you, this is the post i needed, not that i don't appreciate every post in this thread.


tommyk: although it provided me strength last night the old 5 to 9 stress hit me just as hard tonite and now i realize i was playing with fire last night. thank god i made it out sober.

it is very hard with all these folks drinking around me right now. for f*cks sake my wife asked me to open the whine tonite! i am pissed.

getting support in this thing has been harder than i thought, i need to go to a "meeting" i need support, i don't need to be opening damn bottles of whine and being around people that are drinking the ****

Anna

I think you are right about the drinking not helping the anxiety and stress at all. You will find that the anxiety and stress will decrease as you recover.

For me, no question about it, I could not be around people who were drinking alcohol for quite a long time.

tommyk

i need to go to a "meeting" i need support...

Yup... no 'halfway' measures... stick with the winners.

shaun00

tony was a good friend of mine....we sobered up together..

x police officer........load of children and grand children..

he made 6 months or there abouts.

then the day came when he convinced himself the old game maybe weren't that bad........and took a drink..

he never got back......he lost the desire to get back.
i saw him the day before he died....swollen up like a balloon..
for what.........the insane decision to try again.
i saw the faces of his daughters...........they blamed AA for not doing enough.

i didn't have the heart to tell them..... "he" wouldn't do enough.

i decided that sober was an event..........staying sober was a complete change of mind......and thinking...and some

staying sober for me took me to get off my ar@e and do something....
i couldn't just brush myself down and stay sober........it wasn't gonna happen.
i attacked my step work with a new vigour........

i will never forget tonys.."one drink" and pray that he is at peace.

CarolD

Many of us had false starts on our way to solid recovery.

Yes...I do go to meetings for understanding and support.
I hope you will find them beneficial too.

Skeeter2

Tabata ... Perhaps you can change your environment for a while, not put yourself in situations where people drinking. Either that or just refuse contact with it -- arm yourself with something non-alcoholic to drink that never leaves your hand (I like a huge mug of tea), refuse the glass set in front of you, make someone else open the wine.

As I had not yet developed a really ugly drinking issue, my husband thought my not drinking was a phase or that I was being extreme in saying, "No more." I let him think that for a while. But recently I had a really candid conversation with him about why my drinking was disturbing to me, and why I thought it could become a serious problem. Some of it surprised him. He had to admit that he appreciated the effort rather than my continuing down what I thought was a bad road. I don't know if you would ever want to tell your father the "extent of your issues" but I wonder if you did would he ever put you in that situation again? ... Go with your gut. If you want to be sober, make it happen. Stay way from those who don't get it, at least until you have more tools to work with to successfully resist. Good luck!

Dee74

Hi Tabata

You're already got some great advice here. I'm glad you're taking it.

I tried the 'almost nearly quit' thing - sometimes it was easier to just say 'eff it' than explain it - and sometimes I did well - a glass here, half a glass there...sometimes for a week or two...even a month...but I always *always* ended up back in the same place.

I'm an alcoholic - alcohols effect on me is often unpredictable, but it's always inevitable - I'll crash and burn eventually.

I think when an alcoholic drinks, we're just feeding our demons - even with half a glass.

D

whitehorses

Well done you, that is fantastic! (what a great birthday present to youself)

smacked

Like Anna said.. I could not be around people that drink, for a long time. My sobriety was too important. When your wife asked you to open the bottle of wine, what did you say? What a fabulous opportunity to explain how you feel about drinking and being around alcohol/drinkers! Since I quit, there is no alcohol in my house. I have not regretted declining invitations to events where I know drinking will be spotlighted. No one else will look after me and my sobriety, that's a full time job for me!

Wolfchild

When i started accepting responsibility for my recovery, it began to be an inside job. As a result, i have learned how to stop blaming people, places, and things, for my addiction. i have used that experience as strength in not blaming people, places, or things just so i can act out on a character defect. One day at a time i live a better way of life!

If you want total freedom you may want to consider surrendering absolutely.