I don't use that prejudging term. Its just not a part of my addiction treatment vocabulary. My personalized addiction program called for me to recognize that there all sorts of people in recovery/recovered that need support no matter what condition they seem to be in.

Thankfully I was able to heal within the context of secular recovery. Where my peers and myself avoid such prejudiced terms to describe people that still struggle with sober life.

I use the term to describe the difference between two of my own periods of sobriety. I am not in AA so don't have experience hearing it thrown as an accusation at others. However, I do like the term for myself, because there was such a difference in quality of periods of sobriety between the two times that I quit drinking.

The first time I quit was my dry drunk. I stopped drinking alcohol, ramped up my pot smoking, kept going to bars (would down NA beers), kept spending energy doing things for other people deflecting away from myself, had horrible boundaries, acted crazy and out of control, etc. It actually had very little to do with my external activities—*but internally I did not change at all. I was still ramped up. And social situations didn't even bother me like they would later when in my mind I really got sober; for some reason I could still do everything the same; I just had different emotion deferral techniques in place. After 4 months I started drinking again, although when I had stopped drinking I never meant it to be permanent— it was always meant to be an experiment.

Cut to real recovery— when I started that I realized the difference in quality between the two times. I mean I hadn't ever used the word recovery before. I didn't know anything about recovery before. I literally just stopped drinking. The second time around it was a totally different experience. I holed up in my house. When I did go to bars I felt awkward, definitely no NA or pot. My whole mind seemed to go through a rebirth. I worked on all of my boundary issues. I mourned alcohol. The experience between attempt one and two was so different that there should have been a separate term for the first attempt.

That is my personal experience with it.

sfgirl the complexity of your thought....Wow!!! The differentiation of experiences all relating to the "dry drunk deal"...WOW again astounding. What I from get from what you wrote is the persistence of behavior without the revelation for higher awareness...is a stagnation of personality traits. Its like the drug fueled persona remains in tact even when the drugs are withdrawn. And now with such a mind set drug reintroduction is only a happenstance away.


:) Cool insights never the less even if I'm only a spectator of your inner thought workings.

Sfgirl - thanks I could really relate to a lot of what you said. When I tried to get sober using antabuse years ago it was similiar to what you were talking about - I still worked in a bar for christ sake! To all of you who have responded - I really appreciate it. I see that this phrase is somewhat touchy - if I offended anyone with the question that wasn't my intention. I do think you have to do more than just quit drinking in order for your life to change - that's me, that's what I realize I need to do for myself and those in my life. It been 12 days now, and the last couple have been tough. I used to drink to help with sleeping and I find myself up until 2 or 3 now, just not able to turn off my thoughts; and then have to roll out of bed a couple hours later in a fog much of the morning. Sometimes it feels like I am going crazy honestly - and I think it is just that I have used alcohol to numb a lot over the years and now I am dealing with 15 years of past and current. I am trying not to live in the past, but some nights are harder to keep it at bay. It's not like it was all awful - I guess I am just coming to terms with the fact that I can't go back. I am working the program - I'm out of my comfort zone. Seems like my threads are bound to **** off at least one person that reads them and they let me know. It's fine - I 'm glad they do, maybe not at the moment - but it really makes me think about what is being said on this forum.
So as for me - yes many of you do not like the term "dry drunk". I asked the question because I have tried many many times before to quit drinking and I always have wound up back where I started or worse. I know it is more than the drinking at this point, I don't know if it was there before or drinking caused it - but right now I feel truly broken. I hate feeling this way and I hate numbing this feeling even more to have it always return. So now I think I am ready for more than just not drinking, and ready to look at it for what it really is, rather than have a drink and run the other direction.
That's all I got. Glad I slept in it before I replied at 3 AM. I'm a little clearer today.

I am dry drinker , life is the same as before even worst .

Sorry to hear you're struggling Peter.

I found it took more than just not drinking for me too.

SR is great but many people find face to face help is very beneficial - pardon my ignorance, but do they have anything like that in Bulgaria? AA, alcohol support groups, counselling?

D

Yes , we have some AA groups , but I am antisocial man , step 1 2 3 ... no way .