Meeting or no meeting?
 

I have been following the debate about whether or not one must follow a "program" in order to recover. There was a lot of talk about meetings and what others thought of them.
I need some "honest" "balls out" advice regarding meetings. As my post says, I am approaching 5 yrs clean and sober and I have NEVER been to a meeting or treatment. There are several reasons/excuses for this but first let me tell you a bit about my situation. I live in a rural town (pop5000). I am a professional who will know everyone in that room (assumption). My husband is also a professional who would know everyone in that room (another assumption). I have a ten yr old son.
The very reason I came to SR is due to my slacking in the areas of daily reading which then threw me off course so to speak and I once again became more self-centered and lonely. I read every morning and night. I journal and practice the steps to the best of my ability. My question is am I missing out on something really special that I can add to my life? Is my attendance at meetings going to enhance my journey? Will it bring me closer to my HP? Or am I shooting myself in the foot?
Please, I really needs to hear some honest thoughts/suggestions.

I guess I should say that I have lost the desire to use - thank God so I wouldn't be the newcomer in the room who needs 24hr attention - I guess I would be going for the support (?) and to hopefully find a deeper connection to all areas of my life.

AAHHH.

Hi,

I think there are many paths of recovery. I am not an AA person, but I do work on recovery each and every day. I come here to SR, I meditate, I exercise and I spend some time with myself. I also needed to find a spiritual connection to be able to recover, and for me books have been a huge resource. SR is my lifeline and I continue to learn, to grow and to be inspired whenever I come here.

I was stone cold sober for 10 years before I started going to AA/NA meetings.

Then, in AA/NA I discovered a whole new world, and a whole new way of life.

"My question is am I missing out on something really special that I can add to my life?"

I cannot even begin to explain in words what the fellowships have done for me.

Incredible experience.

I have direction and purpose in life. I can't wait to get up in the mornings, I haven't used an alarm clock for years. I'm so grateful. ;)

I can only suggest trying it out. If it works for you even 10% of what it worked for me, it will be amazing.

I live in a town with less than 5000 and have been a professional in the community for nearly 25 years, as has my wife... I started attending meetings in another town about 15 minutes away... I see a fair number of people I have known at one time or another.

Initially I was worried about it... now it's really no big deal. When I see someone I know, I go right up, smile, say hi... It's very friendly. We are there for the same reason.

Maybe there is another town not too far away, to get your feet wet, so to speak? I started in a town 30 min away and when I got comfortable with the whole meeting thing, how they work, what happens.... I moved closer.

Just my experience... Go!! You won't regret it....

Mark

Every once in awhile, I hear, either directly or indirectly, a newcomer say, "Wow, you're here, too??" When "you" is someone active and productive in the community with an intact family and on some sort of purposeful path, that can be very powerful for the person who's desperate and in need of hope. I'm not a doctor or a judge or a kindergarten teacher, but my face and name have been in the local papers fairly regularly for the past five years, so I've gotten that response from newcomers. It's powerful for me, too, because I realize my recovery affects not only me, but others as well. Staying clean and sober becomes a responsibility I gratefully accept.

Your post indicates you are attempting to follow the twelve steps. The twelfth states, "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics/other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." The best place I've found to practice the 12th step is in meetings!

The coffee's on...come on in.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

thank you for that statement sugah.. it is something i needed to hear tonight!

support.. this is a very important part of what i get at my A.A. home group!
i don't think i would still be alive without them..

I think that is an excellent point... one that has begun to dawn on me... I've always thought that being in a small town, providing services to people in the community where you live, work, buy your groceries.... has an increased level of accountability....

Certainly this raises the bar a little... Within a small and hopefully relatively anonymous group within that community.

Mark

AA?
It's been and is an awesome adventure for me.
It certainly enriches my life....:yup:

i could share my experience, strength, and hope with you regarding what a fellowship or recovering addicts & alcoholics has helped me to realize. However, it will not be as good as getting your own experience, strength, and hope. It's your choice whether to go or not go. Why not find out what is possible, what you can do, and how it works? Congrats on the clean time!

Being that we're in the New Comers place I would hate to detract from AA/NA. While I prefer not to do the meetings I absolutely encourage new people seeking sobriety to go. I think it's essential to go and talk to other people, get a sponsor and work the 12 steps.

If we could get our butts up to go get alcohol and drugs then I think we should at least put that much effort into getting sober. It takes work.

herenow for me going to meetings is a true blessing, it is a place where I find peace and understanding, it is also a place where I continue to gain experience, strength and hope from both the newcomer and the old timer. I will have 3 years sober next month, one of the greatest pleasures I have in my life today is freely giving away what was freely given to me.

Could I do without meetings? Probably for a good while, but eventually I feel I would miss helping the newcomer see that it is possible to go from a drunk to a normal happy person that outside of the rooms no one would have any idea that I was an alcoholic.

I have seen 2 people come into AA after years of being sober without attending meetings, both of them said they found peace and understanding with in the rooms which they had been missing.

I live in Frederickburg Va. which has a population of about 22,000, we have lawyers, businessmen, nurses, educators, & government officials in the rooms that I know of, I have attended AA in other places where there were doctors galore. I live near DC and know for a fact that there are people in high public places that attend AA.

You know there is only one way to find out if you would benefit from meetings and that is to go to them. I can assure you of this, there are plenty of people in the rooms that would benefit from you going to meetings.

You simply being sober for 5 years gives hope to newcomers that they can stay sober.

As some one already said, go to meetings out of town if you have the typical worry of seeing some one you know there.

Think about it though, if you go to a meeting and see someone you know are you going to go tell some one else? Of course not, because the next question asked of you will be "What were you doing there?"

I respect that there are many forms of 'recovery' and that mine is not the only one.

I know for me, AA has been my lifeline. There not only have I found a solution to my problems, but I am also able to give to others what has been so freely given to me. I feel this is key to my continuing recovery.

I only went to AA in the first 2 months of my sobriety but I continued to read the literature and practice the steps. I also got back to going to church off and on at first but now pretty regulary and my relationship with GOD has given me a life I never dreamed could be so awesome. This past Sunday at church, and a week ago as well, the Pastor was talking about the story of Jonah (and the whale) and the point has been- that yes we are given lots of blessings but we aren't supposed to just take we are supposed to give back. The pastor went on to say that we can give back just "by telling our story", that that can help someone else. I sat there in church thinking that is what I need to do. I've often felt I didn't have much to offer another A because "I wasn't that bad" but I'm going back to AA (tonight because newcomers meetings are on Tuesdays) because there are others who "aren't that bad" and I will just tell my story and it just might help another and helping another will bring me that much closer to God.

edit:(my bad NC meetings are on Mondays but I'm still going tonight)

Herenow,

It sounds like you are already sort of living a 12 step solution, but maybe something feels a little off?

I still go to meetings because it's too much fun. It energizes me and my enthusiasm for it is still there. I have to say, working with newcomers is one of the brightest spots in my life. It's a sincere joy to be a part of that experience with someone else. And, there is nothing to compare to that fellowship of the spirit found in a group of people working that common solution. Seriously. I've got life long friendships that have gone deeper than I've known prior to recovery. It's a good thing.

The "balls out" part would be that I see a lot of people who got sober through the 12 steps come back in after a pretty horrific relapse. These people are like you describe. Things were great for a while, they drifted away from meetings and recovery. Very slowly and very subtly. And one day they found themselves drunk. It rough to watch because the demoralization runs deep when they come back in.

I'm not a fan of fear based sobriety. In my opinion, that "go to meetings or you'll get drunk" idea misses the whole point of recovery. But, I see enough people who slip away from recovery, and subsequently slip away from sobriety, to think a little vigilance is not a bad thing.

The short version of all this is I love AA. I simply love it, and it fills me with a deep humility and gratitude I otherwise would not know.

I've been as a newcomer and as a--newcomer.

Somehow, they lost me in the second week. I didn't lose me at all, though. I'll still be here, whether or not they wanna be or not. I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing liquor will one day kill me (as I have lived the last ten years).

Yeah, i'm an idiot. Hi, all.

The irony is, while y'all fightin' over somethin', well...

Wow Jamdis that was an awesome share and the main reason I love going to our Newcomers meeting, which is TONIGHT!!!!! It is an awesome mix of Old timers and folks like me with a few years sober who find great rewards and satisfaction in passing on to the newcomers there what was passed on to us.

To this old alkie passing it on is the best part of step 12.

The only way to get an answer to your question is to try a few meetings and see for yourself. I wouldn't be too concerned about compromising your professional reputation. People in AA take the issue of anonymity pretty seriously. But be aware that just going to meetings won't accomplish what you're looking for. It's the AA program that's important. Like Taz and Keith, I really can't begin to describe the things I get out of meetings, but that's me (and them, I guess). Someone else may, and probably will, have a different opinion.

I've found that my success in recovery is twofold. First is physical sobriety - not drinking. That, for me, was the easy part. The second part is emotional sobriety and this is what keeps me sober today. Emotional sobriety wasn't so easy to achieve, but I did accomplish it through AA. And I maintain this emotional sobriety by going to meetings. So if this is what you feel you're missing out on, give the meetings and the program a try. It's free and there's always a pot of coffee on.

I think it is really important that the people who think they weren't "that bad" share. In a way they are some of the most important. It is almost obviously a problem when you end up in jail or living out of your car with severe liver damage and DTs because of your drug and alcohol abuse. It is trickier when you manage to keep your life semi-together but your use is eating you up on the inside. I enjoy and am most appreciative to hear these people share because I identify with them most. Thank you.

Herennow,

My biggest thought when I read your post is that you seem to be making the choice not to attend a meeting out of fear that you might be recognized as an alcoholic. Anything, in my experience, done out of fear is suspicious. If you are not sharing your experience and not meeting others like yourself because you are afraid you will be recongized.... I don't know.... that seems strange to me. Maybe I don't know what it's like to live in a small town. I'm not ashamed of being an alcoholic. Nor am I ashamed to be seen attending AA meetings.

I know others might have different, more sympathetic experiences to me. I can imagine it might be uncomfortable at first. But I guess I would work to push past that.

I do go to meetings and I do find an enormous amount of good in them. But I know, at the same time, that there are people who stay sober without them, obviously. I'm not trying to say that we NEED to attend meetings. Just saying that if the reason you're not (and you are curious and kind of want to see what it's like) is because you're afraid of being recognized, then I would examine that because it seems like fear or shame. And when I'm coming from a place of fear or shame, I am tending toward trouble one way or another.

Congratulations on your sober time.