Lastthird

Wow!

When the HP's want a person to change, they REALLY want a person to change!

I went into work this morning at 8am to open the restaurant where I managed. My GM was there, which was unusual. He said the dreaded words, "Lastthird, there are some things we have to talk about."

I got laid off. This family-owned business has three restaurants and two managers got laid off from two stores because of the downturn in business.

Needless to say, I was blindsided by this. My GM said that they will give me severence through the month of September and that he'd love to have me back if things turn around. I won't hold my breath! He said he'd give me good references and that this layoff was not performance-related. (So why does it feel so badly?)

I got in 10 minutes of my 20 minute drive home, and I had to pull over. I started crying too hard. I pulled into a Burger King parking lot and just bawled. Then, I called my husband and told him. I also blubbered out that I really just wanted to get drunk. I was so close to the bar that I would drink at when I went out, that I could smell the fry-grease and taste the wine. (or maybe it was the Burger King's breakfast sandwiches I was smelling!)

When I got home, I cried some more, then made a fresh pot of coffee and a bottle of Propel vitamin B water. My husband was very comforting. He asked me what I needed and I told him what I DIDN'T need and that was a drink. My pattern before would have been to drink a bottle of wine so I wouldn't have to deal with it. You know, the Scarlett O'Hara bit.

But I'm choosing today, to look at this turn and open myself to what changes I am supposed to make from this. I know that I cannot listen to my inner voice if I drink. I would be lying to myself and maybe even throw myself a pity-party. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

I will face today sober. I will not let myself down by starting day 14, bad news and all, with letting my "need" to drink get the better of me. I like being able to think clearly and the time certainly warrents a clear head.

But this will be a hard day. Actually, tonight will be the hardest. That's when my willpower and fortitude is at its weakest. So, I will probably be back soon.

Hope this day is finding everyone on a good path. This is a test-only a test.

Blessed Be

Believe808

Good for you Stay, not going back to the bottle. Do you have any recovery people you can call? Is there an AA meeting near your home? Getting sober doesn't mean life doesn't happen, it s*cks sometimes, but that's when having a network of recovery folks really helps. If you don't use AA then keep posting on this board. Again, you did the right thing.

Mark75

Keep posting.

You have a choice! Isn't that fantastic? You can choose to not drink. Your hardest first few days are behind you... You've chosen not to drink 14 out of 14 days... So, 15 will be a breeze.

Of course you cried, of course you're scared. That's what a person feels when they loose a job. Your higher power will see you through this if you let Him... He is already working through your husband and SR.

You can choose to drink also, you have the choice... But why go it alone?

Mark

least

At times like this I remind myself that no matter how bad things are, drinking will only make them worse. I'm glad you're getting thru this sober. :ghug3

Lastthird

I really want to get through this sober. I don't want to fall back into the old pattern. But I'm afraid that once the initial shock of this has worn off a bit, and the reality sets in, that I'll lose my strength. I will have to work very hard on my self-talk today. Keep turning the negative/depressed thoughts around as soon as they rear their ugly heads.

I guess it's a good thing that the liquor stores are all closed here on sundays. I'm feeling weak. I just need to get through this day, one minute at a time, and next thing I know, it will be tomorrow with new possibilites. And I won't have "wine-fuzz" clouding my vision.

Tosh

Hey, this could be your God telling you it's time to go for that exciting career choice you really wanted to do, and not really a test at all.

Hevyn

I admire you, Lastthird - I doubt I'd be as strong. What an excellent excuse to fall back on becoming numb. Now we know the truth, though - we've learned that drinking gives us a fake feeling of relief and relaxation - to be followed by a hangover, remorse, and disappointment in ourselves. You don't need that added to the mix. Coping with those pesky emotions is tough, but as Cubile said - it's normal, and there's no way around them. Not wanting to feel things is what almost destroyed me.

I'm sorry about your unexpected job loss - but I feel certain it's for a reason, & you'll soon discover what it is. Better days are coming - and you'll face them clearheaded - something to be proud of.

TheSunAlsoRises

Hey last third. As painful as it may be it is not uncommon for something very intense to happen to us early in recovery. I remember a bombshell was dropped on me about 10 days into my first recovery. I was told by some that this has to be seen as an opportunity. Think of it as adding meat to your sobriety. We have decided to stay sober no matter what. I didn't acknowledge what had happened for 3 months. Living in denial. Hate. Then finally the pain got to much and I choose to drink over it. The next day I had another problem twice hard to deal with as the original. So relying on my own willpower again I tried not to drink. It lasted about a week. Then 2.5 months of bindging. Alcohol never never made anything better. I can only speak for my experience, but that is it. I really am happy to see you on here talking about it. And making the decision not to drink over it. You are doing yourself such a great favor. Keep it up. I use AA as part of my recovery, as others have suggested you might wanna check it out. I'm on day 84 and its amazing to see how my HP has really come to my aid, the first issue is now completely in the past for me. The second is close behind. Keep on keepin' on.

sfgirl

It is a big blow to lose your job so early in sobriety. It is a big blow to lose your job out of nowhere to anyone at any stage. It might be a blessing in disguise. First if you can hold off for a couple weeks looking for a job, you will have some free time at least for a bit to really hunker down on your recovery and take care of yourself. You can nap to your heart's content. You can do whatever you need to do for yourself. Workout. Read. Go to meetings if that is what you do. Meditate. And then it might just turn out that something much better lands in your lap...Good luck. No matter what you will feel strong for getting through this and that is worth a lot!

Dee74

I'm really sorry about your job, lastthird.

I'm very glad though that you passed your 'test'...and that you're ready for the negative thoughts...stick by us...make SR your preferred option

D

Charmie

hello lastthird.thank you for your post.keep strong.

tallcactus

((Lastthird))
Proud of U, U did well.
Just a little in the road, slow down, take deep, big breath, relax and pamper yourself. You will find something soon, right where God wants you to be. I know this is so.
Stay strong, PM me anytime...

Lastthird

Thank you all so much!
Each of you have given me something that hits home to help me get through this day. I too, believe that there is a purpose in this happening when it did. I do want to go back to school and fulfill what my heart has always told me to do. This might be the time?

We should all be proud of each day that we are sober. It IS an accomplishment. A personal victory, that even if we fall, we've felt that victory and should embrace that feeling. Use it to replace the uglies that we feel and get back up.

Have a nice evening.
Blessed Be

vegibean

There ya go. Proud of you. So great when we can get through and we do it the new way rather than the old way.