I can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1
I can do it.
Hi folks, I'm new. I've been drinking heavily, or at least what I consider to be heavily, for 6 or 7 years (figure on average a 750ml bottle of wine every night) but over the last ~2 years, I've really accelerated. I haven't been drinking every day, but when I do, man... watch out.
My pattern of late is that I think to myself, "Hmm, a glass of wine (or a pint of strong imported beer) would sure go good right about now." And sure enough, it goes good. Everything would be fine if it stopped there, but it almost never does. One glass of wine turns into three or four, and next thing you know the whole bottle's gone and I'm wandering down the street to the too-convenient convenience store to pick up another one. I end up passed out by 9:30, and wake up feeling like hammered monkey s--- the next morning. Then the guilt sets in. Crap, another evening totally wasted on getting totally wasted. Let's see, did I do anything stupid? Check my Sent Emails folder. Anything particularly awful in there?
I've never really made any real effort to stop until now. I've tried to fool myself into thinking I'll just be more "reasonable" and keep it in check. I know now that this isn't probably isn't possible for me. I can have "Just One" every once in a while, but usually not. It's just not worth the risk anymore. So, rather than "cut back", it's time to quit. My little joke to myself is: "I don't have a drinking problem, I have a STOPPING DRINKING problem. Drinking is no problem at all."
I guess I've been relatively lucky in that I haven't had legal troubles, haven't had serious money troubles (apart from just wasting money on booze that could have been saved or put to better use), haven't had job troubles, and I've only pissed off a couple of friends. That isn't to say I think I'm doing OK. I'm clearly not, or else I wouldn't be writing this. I can't sustain the type of drinking I am doing now indefinitely. It will get worse. My luck will run out. I don't want to go there.
My other main motivators for quitting are 1) I have problems with anxiety and depression anyway. Getting drunk pushes them aside for a while, but the hangover always brings them back full-force. 2) I am concerned about causing physical harm to myself, by the toxic effects of alcohol itself.
Thanks to the anxiety, I tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac. I find myself obsessing over the most trivial things. I have to laugh at myself sometimes. Medical sites on the internet are the worst things in the world for someone like me. If you look hard enough, EVERYTHING you can possibly experience is a symptom of something truly horrible. And of course, all the REALLY bad stuff often doesn't show any symptoms at all until it's TOO LATE. Obviously, in my stupid little mind, any minor discomfort is a SYMPTOM, and even if I feel totally fine it only means I haven't started showing symptoms "yet". Isn't that pathetic?
Anyway, I have decided that I don't really want any of the lovely health "benefits" associated with long-term alcohol abuse. And if I actually already *have* done damage to myself, it's obviously only going to get worse if I continue to drink. The last few weekend binges I've been on ended with bad hangovers that were probably the beginnings of withdrawals. I most definitely do not want to experience that. Obviously, this is not a situation that will improve unless I stop drinking altogether. Hence my decision.
Last Thursday was the most recent day I got drunk. I drank a half-pint of vodka and a 750ml bottle of white wine. Spent most of Friday in a foggy hangover accompanied by tons of anxiety and guilt. Drank about half a glass of wine Friday and poured the rest out. Haven't had a drink at all since then. Friday night I didn't sleep much, and Saturday morning was uncomfortable and jittery, sort of like having had way too much coffee. Also the prickly skin feeling that sort of comes and goes. The rest of Saturday, I didn't really have cravings, but I did hear that little voice say, 'Hmm, a beer would sure be tasty this evening'. I decided not to heed it.
I live alone and generally don't seek out social activities; I don't really like being around people very much. Clearly, that makes it very easy to just sit around and drink. I actually enjoy my job quite a bit, and I have the option of taking on more challenging work if I want, so I am looking forward to that and I think it will help me a bit. I have lost so much of myself by just wasting time being drunk! But I don't believe it's too late to improve, or at least halt the downhill slide. If I can manage to keep myself from falling into the "oh just have one" trap, I am confident I can put booze behind me and get back to living.
I think this forum will also be of some help, even if I don't necessarily participate in it much. Just knowing that others have gotten past it is encouraging. And although I don't want to seem like I am taking comfort from the misery of others, reading a lot of the posts from people who are really struggling very hard is a good motivating force and a reminder to myself of why I decided to quit.
I don't talk about this to people face-to-face, and I can't imagine ever doing so except to a therapist. I thought I would post here and see what comes of it.
My pattern of late is that I think to myself, "Hmm, a glass of wine (or a pint of strong imported beer) would sure go good right about now." And sure enough, it goes good. Everything would be fine if it stopped there, but it almost never does. One glass of wine turns into three or four, and next thing you know the whole bottle's gone and I'm wandering down the street to the too-convenient convenience store to pick up another one. I end up passed out by 9:30, and wake up feeling like hammered monkey s--- the next morning. Then the guilt sets in. Crap, another evening totally wasted on getting totally wasted. Let's see, did I do anything stupid? Check my Sent Emails folder. Anything particularly awful in there?
I've never really made any real effort to stop until now. I've tried to fool myself into thinking I'll just be more "reasonable" and keep it in check. I know now that this isn't probably isn't possible for me. I can have "Just One" every once in a while, but usually not. It's just not worth the risk anymore. So, rather than "cut back", it's time to quit. My little joke to myself is: "I don't have a drinking problem, I have a STOPPING DRINKING problem. Drinking is no problem at all."
I guess I've been relatively lucky in that I haven't had legal troubles, haven't had serious money troubles (apart from just wasting money on booze that could have been saved or put to better use), haven't had job troubles, and I've only pissed off a couple of friends. That isn't to say I think I'm doing OK. I'm clearly not, or else I wouldn't be writing this. I can't sustain the type of drinking I am doing now indefinitely. It will get worse. My luck will run out. I don't want to go there.
My other main motivators for quitting are 1) I have problems with anxiety and depression anyway. Getting drunk pushes them aside for a while, but the hangover always brings them back full-force. 2) I am concerned about causing physical harm to myself, by the toxic effects of alcohol itself.
Thanks to the anxiety, I tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac. I find myself obsessing over the most trivial things. I have to laugh at myself sometimes. Medical sites on the internet are the worst things in the world for someone like me. If you look hard enough, EVERYTHING you can possibly experience is a symptom of something truly horrible. And of course, all the REALLY bad stuff often doesn't show any symptoms at all until it's TOO LATE. Obviously, in my stupid little mind, any minor discomfort is a SYMPTOM, and even if I feel totally fine it only means I haven't started showing symptoms "yet". Isn't that pathetic?
Anyway, I have decided that I don't really want any of the lovely health "benefits" associated with long-term alcohol abuse. And if I actually already *have* done damage to myself, it's obviously only going to get worse if I continue to drink. The last few weekend binges I've been on ended with bad hangovers that were probably the beginnings of withdrawals. I most definitely do not want to experience that. Obviously, this is not a situation that will improve unless I stop drinking altogether. Hence my decision.
Last Thursday was the most recent day I got drunk. I drank a half-pint of vodka and a 750ml bottle of white wine. Spent most of Friday in a foggy hangover accompanied by tons of anxiety and guilt. Drank about half a glass of wine Friday and poured the rest out. Haven't had a drink at all since then. Friday night I didn't sleep much, and Saturday morning was uncomfortable and jittery, sort of like having had way too much coffee. Also the prickly skin feeling that sort of comes and goes. The rest of Saturday, I didn't really have cravings, but I did hear that little voice say, 'Hmm, a beer would sure be tasty this evening'. I decided not to heed it.
I live alone and generally don't seek out social activities; I don't really like being around people very much. Clearly, that makes it very easy to just sit around and drink. I actually enjoy my job quite a bit, and I have the option of taking on more challenging work if I want, so I am looking forward to that and I think it will help me a bit. I have lost so much of myself by just wasting time being drunk! But I don't believe it's too late to improve, or at least halt the downhill slide. If I can manage to keep myself from falling into the "oh just have one" trap, I am confident I can put booze behind me and get back to living.
I think this forum will also be of some help, even if I don't necessarily participate in it much. Just knowing that others have gotten past it is encouraging. And although I don't want to seem like I am taking comfort from the misery of others, reading a lot of the posts from people who are really struggling very hard is a good motivating force and a reminder to myself of why I decided to quit.
I don't talk about this to people face-to-face, and I can't imagine ever doing so except to a therapist. I thought I would post here and see what comes of it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 8
Hi, I am new to this too, and I know how hard it can be living alone. Noone to be accountable to... I drink almost a fifth of vodka every day and noone knows, not work, not my friends, but I am stopping tonight. Yikes!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi longwalk - and to you too millieveronika 
I find lots of similarities in your stories and mine. Not drinking is hard - but staying stopped can be even harder. I found I not only had to stop drinking, I had to change my life.
SR has certainly helped me do that...it's a great place for support and encouragement - and for suggesting what to do next.
If either of you are worried about your health in any way pls see a doctor...it's the best place to start.
Welcome - I hope to see both of you around some more
D
I find lots of similarities in your stories and mine. Not drinking is hard - but staying stopped can be even harder. I found I not only had to stop drinking, I had to change my life.
SR has certainly helped me do that...it's a great place for support and encouragement - and for suggesting what to do next.
If either of you are worried about your health in any way pls see a doctor...it's the best place to start.
Welcome - I hope to see both of you around some more
D
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Welcome longwalk and millieveronika. I am relatively new at this, but have found the information available very helpful, and the support is unbeatable...
I know what it's like, living alone and it's easy to get away with drinking. Stay around, and get out of SR what you can.
I know what it's like, living alone and it's easy to get away with drinking. Stay around, and get out of SR what you can.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Hi and Welcome!
I used to find that my minor worries turned into huge worries when I was drinking. I am glad that you found us and I know you will find lots of information and support here. It's great that you enjoy your job and are motivated to move forward with that.
I used to find that my minor worries turned into huge worries when I was drinking. I am glad that you found us and I know you will find lots of information and support here. It's great that you enjoy your job and are motivated to move forward with that.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR! 
Lots of good info here and lots of support. It is possible to stop drinking and stay sober, but it takes work. The results are worth the effort tho, as my best day drinking isn't as good as my worst day sober.
Lots of good info here and lots of support. It is possible to stop drinking and stay sober, but it takes work. The results are worth the effort tho, as my best day drinking isn't as good as my worst day sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 89
Good luck. I know about the isolation thing too. The thing is....as someone who loved to sit around at home of an evening getting high on booze...I think I sought isolation. I watched a programme about George Best once and it struck a chord. It mentioned that despite that fact he had a beautiful home in the States, a beautiful wife in that home and beautiful kid. He would still walk out the door because he preferred the company of strangers and the Bar!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR to the both of you.
Therapist to me sound like a wonderful idea and for many things they are helpful, but I have to be honest and say that the people in life that I have benefitted the most from when it comes to my problems are people who have had the same problem and have over come that problem them selfs.
Now if a therapist was a recovering alcoholic I would go to them in a heart beat, there is some one who not only has book learning on alcoholism & therapy, but has first hand experience on the hell of alcoholism and also has found a way to over come it.
For me one of the greatest things about AA is it is chock full of recovering alcoholics who understand other alcoholics and can share with me thier own Experience strength and hope and not just something they read in a book.
When I drank I isolated, I spent the last 5 years of my drinking ALONE in my garage, one of the biggest things I had to make myself do to stay sober was to stop isolating myself from the world. AA killed 2 birds with one stone, it broke the isolationism I had and gave me a long term solution to life with out alcohol.
I don't talk about this to people face-to-face, and I can't imagine ever doing so except to a therapist. I thought I would post here and see what comes of it.
Now if a therapist was a recovering alcoholic I would go to them in a heart beat, there is some one who not only has book learning on alcoholism & therapy, but has first hand experience on the hell of alcoholism and also has found a way to over come it.
For me one of the greatest things about AA is it is chock full of recovering alcoholics who understand other alcoholics and can share with me thier own Experience strength and hope and not just something they read in a book.
When I drank I isolated, I spent the last 5 years of my drinking ALONE in my garage, one of the biggest things I had to make myself do to stay sober was to stop isolating myself from the world. AA killed 2 birds with one stone, it broke the isolationism I had and gave me a long term solution to life with out alcohol.
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