Toomutch

For those of you that now the extent of my emotional/mental torment, I wanted you to know that for now I'm feeling better. I'm not sure if it will last a day or a year, but I have today and that’s all that matters.
Last week I really didn't think I would make it out alive.... all I wanted was to die. I still cry at the drop of a hat and I have an abnormal amount of moodiness, but I'm glad to be alive.

Walked the dogs this morning in the light rain and took in everything... so glad to be alive.

I feel ashamed for the things I posted last week but I'm not going to kick myself for it. I was out of control.

Skeeter2

2mutch -- so-o-o-o-o glad you are feeling better. Don't waste your time feeling ashamed. I wish you a terrific day in many little ways.

Sikkisirus

I also am glad you're feeling better and don't feel ashamed. Life has a long learning curve. Shame is a waste of energy I find

MycoolFitz

Great! All we've got is right now so if it's good it's wonderful. Stay now and you'll start realizing if it's not so good it's still wonderful. Can't explain it, you just have to experience it. Everything we experience and feels comes from within so stay present and mindful and its all good.

“There is no other place. We’re forever here…There’s only this one place: right here, right now…To be here is freedom from insanity, fear, worry, struggle, striving, the urgent desire to control, and the habitual yearning for security and escape from pain.”—Steve Hagen

Mariposa18

So happy to hear this Suzette! I was worried about you. God bless and care for you sweetie

Impurrfect

((Suzette))

I'm glad you are feeling better. I've been going through a lot of my own stuff, and I haven't been as active as I should be here, and I apologize for not being here when you're going through a rough time. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Love, hugs and prayers!

Amy

tommyk

Too... when you share honestly and openly like you do... it really lets others know that WE ARE NOT ALONE when WE feel the same way.

And it really lets us get to know you.

I have often said to myself after a struggling bout with depression..., "I can't believe I told everyone how I really felt... they must think I am some kind of a nut"... but it was only the truth that I told.

Stick around, I like knowing you're here.

vegibean

You shouldn't feel ashamed of being "real" Suz. It was the people that kept things real for me in my attempts at getting sober who showed me that while things can get really bad we can still make it. I'm grateful for that. Things have gotten really bad for me and I'm still here too. No worries Girl, I think you're all good. Hang in there, keep posting and we are all here for you. :ghug3

least

I'm also glad to hear you're feeling better. And don't be ashamed of how you felt last week, the past is gone and as you said, all we have is today.

Dee74

I agree with everyone else Suzette - ultimately I find shame a pretty useless energy.
I'm glad you're feeling better, and I'm glad having shared here helped that.
D

gerryP

I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling better Toomuch and I hope it lasts a very long time. Ashamed of what? Nothing to be ashamed of, you were feeling horrible (to say the least.)

joedris

Suze, You have nothing to be ashamed of. You expressed how you were feeling at the time, and there's no reason to regret having done that. In expressing yourself you were able to better understand just what was happening to you, and that's a good thing. Had you kept your feelings pent up the results could have been disasterous. And out of control? Hardly. You were very much in control of being able to strictly describe what was happening and going through your mind. That takes a certain clarity of thought not found in someone out of control. So please don't beat yourself up. You did the right thing and you did it very well.

Mattcake

So very happy for you, Suz This is great news. Like others have said, there's nothing to be ashamed of - many people here care for you unconditionally, during both the highs and the lows. You are a very good friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toomutch

... so glad to be alive..

CAPTAINZING2000

The first couple of years in recovery was tough for me anyway. These past 8 years, things have improved or, I'd of went back out.

Praying, you can get a Dr. to get you the needed help you need. Sobriety is a gift, just don't go back out, pray, I'd still suggest finding a woman's support group there in your area as well.

CarolD

Prayers continue...

four812

i'm happy for you as well suzette....it's so nice when the pain is lifted after you've been in it for so long.

one day at a time

Zencat

I relish all my small (or larger) victories no matter how they come or go.

Blessed be tonight

Horselover

This is good news Suzette and I believe you are right on being in the moment and being grateful. We have so much to be grateful for. I try to start everyday in my head with a list of gratitude before I put one foot on the floor. It puts me in the right frame of mind to start the day. You are on my gratitude list today. Hugs - Sarah

Toomutch

You are all so awesome, sometimes I still can't believe the amount of support I find here. I consider you my friends even though I don't know any of you f2f.
I woke up at 4:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep, so I hope a manic episode isn't approaching. I'll just choose to believe I am so glad to be feeling better that I woke up early to enjoy more of my day.

Surlyredhead

I am so glad you are feeling better. Sometimes life is just hard, we wouldn't be human if it didn't overwhelm us now and then. Keep on keepin' on, better thing are ahead.

Cathy