Rad44

I quit AA entirely due to my frustration in finding a sponsor and the rejection I was met with. The Homegroup I was attending at the time was massive (60-100 people). The membership was constantly changing and I was never even really sure who the Regulars were. With 50 people in a meeting you may only get 8 to 10 people even albe to share at all (if they are held strictly to 5 minutes each).

I publicly announced at a meeting that I was in need of a sponsor and put my name on a list of people wanting sponsors. Lots of people gave me their phone numbers to "call if I thought I would drink again" but none offered to sponsor me. They had lots of advice on how I should get a sponsor none of which was very useful. What would have been useful would be for someone to say "Hey, I'd like to sposnsor you at least until you can find someone else". That never happened.

I was sober for two years and then relapsed for 3 weeks. I am now in an IOP and 4 1/2 Months Sober. I do not disparage AA as it was helpful to me while I was attending and it has undoubtably helped millions of people. However even in hindsight the AA Sponsorship experience was a serious dissappointment.

24hrsAday

staysober.. i have struggled with A.A. for years.. i never really had a sponsor untill this last time. he passed away in may this year. it is important to take the time you need to find a good sponsor.. i had to wait a while myself.. you can always talk to people in A.A. and ask for help with things even if they are not your sponsor.. i like your user name. i hope you do like it says!

shaun00

thats sad..........but commom in my opinoin.
It may help to change your home group....to a real AA meeting.

Heres my take.......alot of meeting i have been to are just that..meetings of alcoholics that dont drink....full of silly catch phrases.

glue your ar@se to the seat and just dont drink.......bs imo.
read the book at the begining and then forget it.......progressing to group moan or therapy......thats not a solution.

chepstow may be better than somerset!!

i travel far and wide to attend a descent solution based meeting of alcoholism anonymous...
where the newcomer will be approached.....by several temp sponsors.

because the sponsor needs the sponsee at much as the other way round.

try another meeting........there out there.

if i can be of any help to you please pm me.

Rob B

Tempting as it is to get side tracked, I will stick with the op.
In AA we recover by taking the steps out of the Big Book, Period end of Statement. Find someone who has done this and ask them to take you through, and yes this should be done immediately.

The only time we are given a direction to kick back and take any time off in step work is in step five, we get an hour to reflect and then continue this vigorous course of action.

You'll hear a lot of opinions about AA from a lot of people, ignore all of them (including mine) which can't be reconciled with the BIG BOOK. stick with what the literature says, this preserves the integrity of AA's message, which is the first 164 pages of the book.

AA's way out is through the steps, although there are a whole lot of people who hang out in AA and don't do them, that's there choice, some can do this, some die. find someone who has done this and take instruction from them. Please PM if I can help you.

Ago

I would like to reiterate what Rob said, this isn't about who's right, or who has a bigger "willy", If you want to get and stay sober in AA do what those people did, which is get a sponsor, and work the steps, if you want temporary sobriety, get a temporary sponsor.

We don't come in, wait to feel better then work the steps, we work the steps then feel better, that's the point of the steps, and the longer you wait, it's my experience the more difficult it is, because you lose "the gift of desperation" that is until the next time time you drink, IF you make it back, you have an a-ha moment, like, OOooooHHHHh, THAT'S why they said get a sponsor and work the steps

trying to get and stay sober in AA without reading the book and doing the steps is like trying to fly a Lear Jet without reading the instructions first or getting any training, and trying to do the steps yourself, without a sponsor is like reading a book about Lear Jets then piloting it.

If you want to fly a Lear Jet, you go to Flight School, follow the outlined program of action with a teacher to guide you, If you want to get recovered from a seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body, you find a teacher to guide you through the steps.

Look for the people that are laughing, with the indefinable look in their eyes that you find attractive, walk up, introduce yourself, and say "Hi, I am dying of alcoholism and need a sponsor to work the steps, will you help me?" and somebody will respond.

For me I wanted :12 having HAD a spiritual awakening as THE result of these steps

and:

When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our own little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.

and:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Those are the third step promises and the ninth step promises, to have them come true we have to work those steps, and to work those steps we need a guide.

It's YOUR life, how badly do you want it to be a good one? It's up to you.

BB 1st ed

Charmie

fabulous post ago.thank you.

McGowdog

Staysober, I think it's somewhat important for you to find out what the A.A. Program says about what an alcoholic is and what one is not. This may surprise you. It's not about the drama or how close to death we came or how much trouble we got into. Can you stay away from the first drink when you really want to or not? Can you control the amount once you start?

If you can stay sober with any other thing besides the A.A. Program, then do it. If you find you cannot, then give it a shot and find someone like what Rob B says and go talk to them about your drinking and find out. We can't and will not diagnose you.

Oh, and some have found out that there are other paths than A.A. Not me personally, but that's me.

keithj

Great start. Just going to meetings rarely keeps anyone sober long term. And why would it? The program of recovery is clearly laid out in the Big Book with a lot of directions and a lot of things we must do in order to recover. I've seen a handful of people stay sober for a long time by just going to meetings. I've seen hundreds more go back to drinking by just going to meetings. Rarely have I seen a person fail who has thoroughly taken the steps. It works every time.

My criterion for a sponsor is someone that has had a spiritual awakening as the result of taking the steps. That's it. Look for someone who glows. Look for someone that can unabashedly and unequivocally state that they have recovered as the result of a spiritual awakening by taking the steps. They most likely will have a Big Book with them. They most likely will be happy to sit down with you and help you do exactly what they have done.

The courage to do this comes from the despair at having to live another day drinking. It comes from the fear and anxiety of not having a solution for living sober. It comes from the lonliness of knowing deep in your heart that you are a fraud. Desperation breeds willingness.

1_day@_a_time

This issue is specifically addressed in the 12 x 12 in Step 3 on pg 39.

For those who do not have a 12 x 12 or are not inclined to get up & read this principle I quote:

More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life.

Speaking of the 12 x 12 (not to overlook the Big Book in anyway) I have been taught the Big Book is the owners manual, the 12 x 12, the service manual.

The 12 x 12 was written over 10 years later & greatly expands on the application of the steps and vast experience gained from the early years of Alcoholics Anonymous.

ElegantlyWasted

I like the idea of throwing it out there that you are looking for a sponsor when it is you turn to speak. Also; nothing has to be written in stone, many people trade/ swap sponsors as they go along. Most sponsors are cool about it; and if not they owe you an "amends". I like thawks nike quote... you may not really feel it, but just do it.... Fake it till ya make it baby!!!